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Autobiography for Master of the International Institute of Medical Device Innovation (MDI)

makila0123 1 / 3  
Mar 8, 2017   #1
Hello there,

I am a fourth-grade student form Taiwan. I am going to the second round interview for graduate school and the autobiography is for the admission. Since English is not my first language, I hope to receive some advice, opinion and criticism. Thank you so much!!!


Being the first born in my family, that makes me become a responsible person and curious about the unknown knowledge. Responsibility is significantly essential that I remind myself all the time. To prevent from being overburdened, I am aware of own limitation to make a proper decision. Although multitasking is not my privilege, I focus on one task with my full attention and work hard to achieve a better reward. Curiosity, undoubtedly, is a good motivation to encourage me to explore the brand-new idea. Also, being curious about foreign culture inspires me to learn English and Japanese.

At the very beginning, I enrolled in Medical Sociology and Social Work at Kaohsiung Medical University. However, in the second year, as getting involved in the Social Case Work and Community Work, I doubted whether Social work was where my passion lay in. Later on, I went to audit the Introduction of Fragrance and Cosmetics and got fascinated by the contents. The courses introduced profound knowledge about cosmetics including material, formulation, delivery system and so on, rather than shallow information leading to makeup. That made me determined to change direction and seek for a distinct specialism. Before applying for the transfer, I inquired elaborate details and consulted with my mentor and family. Subsequently, I applied for the transfer and change to major in Fragrance and Cosmetics Science.

As a transfer student, I have to complete the four-year undergraduate program in three years. In the first transfer year, it was quite challenging to accommodate myself in an exact different major and I had to manage to complete the required course credits in the first and second semesters. Sometimes I questioned myself whether I had made a right decision, yet backing down never ever came to my mind. During the second year, with my greatest endeavor, I made improvements continually every semester and became much more confident in myself. Although I still had to complete the remaining course credits for graduation, I intended to take classes that intrigue me and be able to enrich my knowledge, especially related to Research and Development (R&D). In the third and the last year, with my teammates, we focus on our graduation project, which will be exhibited at the Peir-2 Art Center in Kaohsiung City in May.

Albeit the importance of academic studies, it brings out the flavor of life by getting involved in extra-curricular activities. Therefore, I attended voluntary work and entered the string club at school. One of the most unforgettable voluntary work is that I had been to Eden Social Welfare Foundation in Yi-Lan for a week. With other participants, we help the mentors and social workers to take care of those with Mental Retardation. Accordingly, I become more grateful and thankful for my life, and more welcome to embrace my own weakness instead of being depressed. Learning to play the violin is always my dream. In the second year of university, I joined the string club to learn to play the violin from the very beginning. Despite the exhausting and frustrating process to pitch the correct note at first, I practiced as much as I could. Yet, all my endeavors and patience rewarded, and I was able to attend the string club to perform on stage at the concerts. That stimulated me to practice even harder and brought myself out.

To be honest, I was in a great dilemma whether to do a Master's degree or obtain employment after graduation. After attending to some lectures, and receiving advice from alumni, it seems that more professional understanding makes real help in the future career. Then I discussed this with my family to reach a consensus. Ultimately, I determine to do a Master's degree to gain further knowledge and broaden my horizon.

Should I be accepted into your graduate program, my top priority will be fulfilling the requirement for the master degree. Hopefully, I will become more unquestionable competence and qualified for a better future career.

eiriashhar 4 / 14 4  
Mar 8, 2017   #2
You are actually being too honest. The review is usually not interested in your life conflicts. Moreover, including it in your essay that you were unsure whether to do masters or to pursue job is like axing your own feet. Seriously this show your lack of determination. I advice you to remove this from your essay if you are actually willing to get your essay considered.
OP makila0123 1 / 3  
Mar 8, 2017   #3

Thank you so much for your advice. I've removed the paragraph and made an revision for the last paragraph. Could you give me some advice?

After all, I wish to broaden my horizon and gain further knowledge through professional training. Since globalization definitely becomes inevitable, it will be a favorable opportunity to work with international students in the courses. During the cooperation, I hope to learn to consider the same thing from various perspectives. Should I be accepted into your graduate program, my top priority will be fulfilling the requirement for the master degree. Hopefully, I will become more unquestionable competence and qualified for a better future career.
eiriashhar 4 / 14 4  
Mar 8, 2017   #4
Rather than saying globalization asinevitable, you should say that Since globalization is the next step towards a flourishing world. Saying it inevitable reflects your displeasure regarding globalization, which I think is bad for this essay. The rest seems fine to me. Good luck!
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,307 2863  
Mar 8, 2017   #5
Chuang, what are the requisite elements of the autobiography that you are being asked to present? I would like to know if you were given any guide questions to respond to or a prompt instruction to develop in the writing of this autobiography. Your autobiography is very confused at the moment because of the various elements present, which may or may not be necessary information in the essay. It would be in your best interest to give me the writing parameters for your essay so that I can properly review and comment on what you have written. Please make sure that you are being asked to write an autobiography and not a personal statement as the students tend to mix up the two papers, which are not related in content. I will await the instructions from you before I proceed with an actual review of your work.
OP makila0123 1 / 3  
Mar 8, 2017   #6

Hello Mary,

Thank you for the comment.
The graduate school I apply for is a new program, so there is no specific request for the application. Yet, it is an international institute, and it seems like they do care about the English ability. My mentor advised me to add the English version of autobiography and statement of purpose (or a study plan) and emphasize that I am a transfer student. I was thinking about writing my personality, transfer experience, extra-curricular.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,307 2863  
Mar 8, 2017   #7
Chuang, you must understand something about these graduate schools, you cannot provide them with essays that are not part of the official application requirements. If you write an autobiography when it is not required by the university, the reviewer will just ignore that essay. All of these graduate schools have a specific set of application essays that you have to submit. Regardless of whether the university or program is new. Each university has its own essay screening process. I suggest that you work within the parameters of the actual application and just offer them English versions of the required essays. You should learn about the actual essay prompts once you have access to the university application system. These will either be written or online submission essays based upon specific information that the reviewer will require for your application. Write only those essays because those will definitely be read or at least scanned by the reviewer because those contain the information for your admission consideration. Just going off and writing your own essay, when you do not know if it will be admissible to the reviewer doesn't make sense and is just a waste of your time. Stick to the required writing instructions only in order to improve your chances of admission.
OP makila0123 1 / 3  
Mar 9, 2017   #8
Hello Mary,

After discussing with my mentor, I will rewrite another autobiography.
Thank you very much.

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