MS in Banking and Finance SOP (too generic? any inconsistencies?)

I only had a few days to do this SOP (so-o-o typical, I know). In my case I don't need to draw attention with something eccentric in my essay. I have to be rather conservative.

After spending so much time with this blob of text I can no longer judge it properly. Please, help me out. Does it sound generic? Any inconsistencies? Any input will be much appreciated.

Statement of Purpose / Intention:
(Your purpose in applying to the program chosen, explaining your motivation as well as the areas of specialization which would be of interest to you within the discipline)

"Get real, this programming thing is not for you!" Some of my teachers at junior high school thought there was no way I would do well on computer programming elective course I took, because my specialization was humanities. Our class was great at English and French, but nowhere nearly as good at math or physics. Still, my results turned out to be on par with kids considered math pundits of our school. Now programming is the skill that sets me apart from my fellow students and makes me a much more valuable professional. I have got a diploma project up my belt on implementing automation tools for measuring software metrics and have just finished my other diploma project on using Bayesian Belief Nets for software projects evaluation.

A confidence boost? For sure. A lesson learned? A definite "yes". Turns out, if you just go and do it, things will happen!

Now that I have graduated from the Ukrainian Academy of Banking pursuing MS in Banking and Finance is the next "go and do it" for me. Obviously, I do have a tilt towards computer technology and IT for me comes before economics. I understand, however, that technology on its own is nothing. It has value only if properly applied. It is exactly the Banking and Finance domain for which I want to provide solutions. Risk assessment and decision analysis is the specific subject I have interest in, as it is connected with my previous work on Bayesian Nets. There is still work to be done in the field, judging by the recent collapse of financial institutions.

I believe being dedicated not to just one field is crucial, as working on interdisciplinary intersections yields far better results. And I think this is my advantage.

Because of my everlasting interest in learning and using English, resulting into constant exposure to Western culture, I have developed a much more cosmopolitan mindset, which also helped me develop interpersonal skills. My IT expertise lies within quite a wide range - from software engineering to networking, to statistical packages (Statistica, MathCAD, etc.). My background in economics gives me understanding of events and situations from an economist's point of view, as well as provides me with useful tools for problem solving.

Being an expert in any of those three directions alone is good - fluency in foreign languages and good communication skills give you an edge, IT professionals are always in demand too, good economists are sought after as well. To have all those skills come and work together makes you different. "Take it to the next level" different. And I plan on reaching that level.

Having spent my summer school time at EMU, specifically at the Banking and Finance department, I feel this place can help me follow my vision.

At EMU I want to team up with people from other departments to continue my previous work - build technology based on Bayesian Belief Nets for enabling proper risk-analysis. This project will let me build my portfolio and gain professional experience sought by employers... or maybe it will turn into a fully-fledged software package of its own? Who knows?

You cannot know for sure without trying.

This is a needless assertion. Just concentrate on yourself; forget the others.


Okay, this looks nice, but what is the purpose of including this? Is this supposed to be a "hook" or something? Frankly, for me, it was a distraction.


I agree. I've used that observation in one of my essays too, although, the usage and context were quite different.


Yes, this is generic.


Why don't you elaborate a bit?

You have a cool writing style. Revise and this essay will come out great. :)

Nice! That is true in almost everything.

This project will enable me to build my portfolio and gain professional experience sought by employers... or maybe it will turn into a full -fledged software package of its own. Who knows? You I cannot know for sure without trying.

Very impressive. I haven't much to say! Your theme is so clear and meaningful... that is what makes an essay great.

Thank you for feedback! Very helpful.
Ershad -- some good points there, thanks. Made me change some things.
Kevin -- yeah, that sentence got better =) And thank you for the compliment, it made me feel better.