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'I was always beaten' - my awards - Personal Statement for all applicants Essay


rjennifer713 3 / 7  
Nov 9, 2014   #1
prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

As an overachieving child out of four siblings, it was was common to desperately try to make my parents proud. However after a while of coming home with awards, it became expected for my parents to come home with awards, and were no longer impressed with how I was doing. I have received many awards starting from the first grade all the way to my senior year, from being "The Most Helpful Student" in the first grade to "Honor Roll" all four years in high school. The accomplishment I am most proud of, however, is being considered the most "All-Around Outstanding Student 11th Grade" by my Law Academy Junior Teacher Team.

Usually I would say I am proud of this award because it made my parents proud, but that was not the case. This time I had made my teachers proud. This group of teachers has affected me in many ways I can not explain. This does not exclude any other teachers in the Law Academy, they have all inspired me to try my best, and that is why this award is so important to me. Out of sixty possible students in my junior year, I was chosen.

I was invited to the award ceremony for seniors by a group of seniors, I could not make it however for trying to finish a project in my English class. The next day I was sitting with our mock trial team for our final in our law and justice class, when my former law teacher asked me if I wanted to work the camera. Scared I would ruin it somehow, I said I am not good with technology. My former teacher smirked and said, "that's funny because I remember signing a paper saying you were good at everything." I was perplexed as to what he meant when my new law teacher came up to me with the award that made me proud of myself.

All three years that I have been apart of the Law Academy I always felt the need to try my best because I wanted to come out on top of the class. I was always beaten, though. I also wanted to get compliments from my teachers because I no longer got them from my parents, This award is by far the best compliment I have ever received. That is my greatest accomplishment.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 9, 2014   #2
Jennifer, you need to rework the essay to present the achievement that you got from the Law Academy and immediately explain why it is the most important award you received. It is important to answer the essay prompt as fast as possible because the admissions officer does not have a lot of time to read papers and he will base his interest in reading the rest of your paper upon your first paragraph. So make it interesting by providing the answer at once. After your provide the answer, you can work backwards and explain the basis for the importance of this award to you and how it relates to the person you are.


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