I became interested in Public Health after participating in the NURHI project

Please every member's input in evaluating this SOP will be appreciated.

Statement of Purpose for Master of Public Health.

I became interested in Public Health after participating in the NURHI project on the "Evaluation of the Use of Modern Contraceptives among Urban Indigent in Nigeria". The project which got its funding from the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation.

The project allowed me to see firsthand how my fellow Nigerians were struggling with livelihood and how economic status affects their reproductive health decisions. Having lived my whole life in an urban-poor environment myself, I never realized how most of our life decisions were actually based on our economic condition as we have been accustomed to believe that is the society norms. The project brought me to the consciousness that all those decisions also have their health implications which in turn affects our quality of life. Other problems like overcrowding and poor environmental sanitation tend to increase our risks to respiratory, viral and skin diseases. Also being mindful that unaffordability of nutritious foods contributes to increase risk of cardiovascular diseases, diabetes and other cancers. Lastly, an increased incidence of teenage pregnancy, Sexually Transmitted Infections and HIV related complications, due to early sexual activities without an adequate sex education has been left unattended to. All of the aforementioned are our brawls in the shantytown, and it is often assumed that urban populations have better health care than those living in rural areas but that does not make them accessible to the urban-poor.

With a Bachelor's degree in Statistics, I believe I'm in good standing for a master's degree in Public Health. I received a very strong and rigorous training in Mathematical courses like Calculus and Linear Algebra; also in Statistical courses not limited to Probability Theory, Introduction to Biostatistics. Also took a general course on "Reproductive Health and Sexually Transmitted Infections" which exposed me to knowledge on prevention and care of Sexually Transmitted Infections and the effective usage of anti-retroviral drugs by HIV patients.

Asides my academic achievements during my Undergraduate studies at the University of Ibadan, I was part of Dr K.O. Obisesan's consulting team involved in Data Collection, Development of Database System and analysis of collected data for the Federal Ministry of Water Resources/World Bank project on water supply and sanitation. With my extra-academic engagements from varying angles I cannot put to writing here, I am confident that my data collection, collation and analysis skills will be a great tool to aid my successful completion of this program.

I have decided to study at the University xxx due to the intensive education the school offers, its highly ranked research and community oriented public health program and renowned professors with cutting edge researches which I believe will give me a lot of edge and also make me competitive. I am certain that at the end of this program I would have acquired more understanding of community health, health policy evaluation and implementation and also gain work ethics and professionalism needed to perform effectively as a Monitoring and Evaluation Officer.

My short term goal is to work as a Monitoring and Evaluation Officer with organizations focusing on primary health care, reproductive and family health to ensure availability and accessibility of public health infrastructure to residents of low income area in urban settlement. I would also like to establish an initiative to educate and enlighten dwellers of this area about the health implications of their day to day choices and how their individual actions contribute to the general health of the community. In the long term, a career in academia is a possibility after the completion of my PhD program which I intend to commence afterwards gaining some work experience in the field of Public Health.

Thank you very much for considering my application.

Mojoyinola, the first part of your essay runs too long. You have to compress that statement to only the basic facts of the seminar. That it was sponsored by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation for the purpose of educating the community regarding public health. You don't need to give a complete list of the problems that plague your community. A simple overview in relation to your interest in Public Health will suffice.

Now, the rest of the essay is informative and covers all of the expected information except one. Statement of Purpose essays are always more effective when you can provide a research thesis for your graduate studies as part of the reasons why you wish to pursue higher studies. This adds to the sense of purpose for your studies and also, allows you to focus on a particular reason for your enrolling at the university. Right now, your interest is quite general and doesn't really offer the reviewer a look into your mindset or how completing this course can help you improve your community by simply educating you. The thesis question you pose would e most effective if you can tie it in somehow with your short term plan. That way the reviewer will know that you have an actual career progression in mind for yourself that can be supported by your studies.

Aside from the aforementioned suggestions, I must call your attention to the formatting of your essay. The format, which does not have paragraph separators causes reader fatigue and could cause the reviewer to stop reading your essay. You need to place spaced between paragraphs in order to give the reader's eyes a chance to rest and the readers mind will also have a chance to further consider what it has just read in relation to your application. Don't tax the reviewer's eyes. It will not be good for you.

These suggestions should help to bring your essay into a better format. Once you have applied the revisions, we can look into the final format or final changes prior to your submission. I look forward to reading your revised copy soon.

@Holt thanks for your response, the project is an eveluation to measure the effectiveness of the five year funding to provide residents of poor urban areas with modern contraceptives.

This is a modified version of the draft.

I became interested in ...

The project allowed me ...

With a Bachelor's degree in ...

As a result of my quantitative educational background, I am more inclined to the evaluation and rsearch aspect of public health, I intend to study the measurement and evaluation of the effectiveness of public health interventions. Tracking and surveying health and identifying the pathways to provide the means of improving public health.

Asides my academic ...

I have decided to study ...

My short term goal is to ...

Thank you ...

Hi Mojoyinola, the essay looks better now that you have the separators in place with each paragraph. The content is more focused but requires some clarification in some parts, editing in others. Here are the edits that you should apply in order to further smooth out the essay into its final form. For instance, we have this problem at the beginning of your essay:

The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation sponsored a NURHI project in my country based on the Evaluation of the Use of Modern Contraceptives among Urban Indigent in Nigeria". After attending the conference, I found myself becoming interest in Public Health, specifically the prevention of reproductive health issues due to the low economic profile of the citizens of Nigeria. The effects of which, had a direct impact upon the quality of life of the Nigerians.

Adjusting your first and second paragraphs to fit in a single paragraph brings a crisper focus and concentration of discussion topics to your essay. As for the method by which you will be presenting your thesis statement, it is better presented in the following manner;

Due to my quantitative background, I have decided that I will pursue my masters thesis research on a topic related to the evaluation and research of public health with a focus on the measurement and evaluation of the effectiveness of public health interventions. The idea will be to use tracking and surveying health in order to identify pathways towards improving public health. I am aiming to complete this research during my time as a masters degree student at your university.

Here is an edit of a problem paragraph in the essay:

Asides my academic achievements, d During my Undergraduate studies at the University of Ibadan,... With my extra-academic engagements from varying angles I cannot put to writing here, Kindly refer to my transcript of records and other documentation for further information regarding my formal academic and professional training. I am confident t...

Finally, one last sentence to delete in the essay before our editing is completed:

Thank you very much for considering my application.

Thank you very much for your input, I'm grateful for your thoughtful responses.