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(A black female from a struggling middle class' - Diversity Statement


anb012187 2 / 2  
Sep 30, 2012   #1
I would greatly appreciate honest (but let's not get too cruel or rude) and constructive feedback to improve my diversity statement. Thanks so much for your time and consideration!!!

As a black female from a struggling middle class family, I represent the stereotypical definition of diversity. However, I do not believe that the depth of this concept is determined by my gender, creed, socio-economic background, or the amount of pigment in my skin. Instead, I define diversity by the unique experiences that have shaped my world in a compelling way, such as my parents' sacrifices to give me a better future, my 13 years as a student athlete, and my struggle to overcome a sexual assault. It is the sum of these experiences that has influenced my perspective of the world and what I will contribute to it.

As a child, I watched my parents forgo their own dreams to ensure that my sisters and I had unlimited personal and educational opportunities. With one more year left until their college graduation, my parents made the hard choice to trade in their caps and gowns for headsets and dead-end jobs to support me, their unexpected first child. Along the way, they made numerous personal and financial sacrifices to allow their children to seize opportunities they never had such as AP courses and educational excursions in Spain. My parents' ability to complete their degrees while raising a family and working full-time taught me everything I needed to know about perseverance. Through this feat, they also instilled a powerful principle in me; a dream delayed is never a dream deferred.

With this in mind, I have devoted more than 30,000 hours to my passion for athletics, which has taught me that anything is possible with focus and tenacity. In high school, I quickly learned how to conquer my physical fatigue on the field while excelling in rigorous AP/Honors courses. More importantly, through my experiences as a student athlete, I learned how to manage my time, handle conflicting priorities, and set ambitious goals in all aspects of life. By applying these lessons, I became the first female athlete at my high school to win first place in a regional competition and place at the state competition, which allowed me to achieve my dream of being a Division I student athlete. Consequently, when I crossed the stage at graduation, I literally believed that I could accomplish anything.

Unfortunately, a sexual assault during my second semester of college dissolved the strength and confidence that I had enjoyed in high school. In an instant, my life went into a tailspin as I tried to resolve the fear, pain, and anguish that this crime evoked. Thankfully, the principles that I learned from my parents and my athletic career kept me going during my worst moments; in my heart, I was determined to be a survivor, rather than a victim. A career ending injury in track served as a catalyst for my physical and emotional recovery, as I no longer had a diversion from my pain. Although prolonged and difficult, this journey taught me that I am not defined by my circumstances or experiences, but by how I respond to them.

When I consider my life, I recognize that these experiences, although not entirely unique, are what distinguish me from other people; they have helped me to define my values, strengthen my character, and inspire my personal and professional ambitions. More importantly, my inclusive definition of diversity allows me to look beyond superficial differences and truly connect with the perspectives and struggles of others. I believe this ability will allow me to contribute to the culture at X and build strong and respectful relationships with my classmates. Each of my past experiences has helped mold me into who I am today but new experiences at X will mold me into who I am tomorrow, a great lawyer.
essayhelper - / 6  
Sep 30, 2012   #2
It's really good on many levels: revealing yourself, saying diversity is more than a check box, supporting what you say with examples. It's very good.

The only critique, if any, was that it might be helpful to mention any legal involvement involved with the assault, if only in passing e.g.,..." the fear, pain, and anguish that this crime evoked and the legal fallout." Also, the 80 thousand hours claim seems questionable because if you were involved in athletics 8 hours a day, 356 days a year -- it take you 27 years or so.
sambr378 1 / 2  
Sep 30, 2012   #3
I noticed extremely minor errors.
With one more year left until their college graduation (add comma) my parents...

Capitalize Honors in Ap/honors courses...

Also, I agree with the comment that you should make your athletic dedication more believable.

"Although prolonged and difficult, this journey taught me that I am not defined by my circumstances or experiences, but by how I respond to them; I also discovered a level of strength and resilience that I didn't know I had." What were these new-found strengths and resilience that you found after your unfortunate incident?

Also, what was your prompt?


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