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boat designer - Motivation essay for an international student application

Martin 1 / 1  
Apr 2, 2010   #1
Hi. Could you check my motivation essay for me, please? I never wrote any and nor anybody of my friends did, for more in english! Please post some comments, so I'd like to know whether I wrote it right way. Thank you in advance!

„Dreaming is the first step to success." That's what my father says and I believe him. „You need a dreem to follow, step by step, never forgetting where you are going." Where am I going?

I was born in 1986 in Prague. Studied language school since I was ten years old. Later graduated with distinction at high school of civil engineering and after that followed the studies of architecture. Today I'm twenty-three. With bachelor degree of architecture, several job experiences, thirteen years of sailing practice and still one dream to follow. Where am I going?

Two years ago I fulfilled one of my dreams. I put a group of good friends together and we sailed on my little boat north, from Prague to the islands of south Denmark. This trip was what I've been thinking of and planning for a really long time. The trip took us two months and it was absolutely perfect. I didn't know till then, or maybe I did, but didn't have courage enought to think of it seriously, that I want to work with boats for living. I used to think that job is what you have to do. You can moreless make your choice, but finally you're somewhere pushed, or pushing yourself to something that you don't really like, because without that, you can never do what you do like. I never realised before that the best way you can find a job is make your hobby the job. How?!

Well boat passionates usually don't have easy living in Czech Republic. Particularly it's because we have only few suitable places for sailing, as an inland country. Particularly it's because here are almost no companies with tradition and right education and knowledge of boats yet. Despite that, the popularity of boating is increasing nowadays. More and more succesfull people can afford this hobby and together with it more young people are interested. I believe my position now is pretty good. I'm still young enought to pick a distant life goal. My previous education, mainly the university, taught me how you can bring ideas to life, as well as what dealing with people is about, when you're heading to a point together. I also believe that architecture is the right school for career in boat design and building, so I'm not complete stranger in the profession.

Where am I going? I want to become a profesional boat designer and I believe Landing school is the right one to help me become a respected one. I may be from a country with no sea, but that makes my passion for boats no lower! I know that with the right education, I can fill my life dream and design boats with world-known studios such as Farr design, Dykstra or Alan Andrews and maybe one day, when I'll get enought experience, I'll design such beautifull and powerful boats on my own. Then nobody will say: „That is the Czech guy." But everybody will know, I'm the one from Landing school.

Azeri 10 / 137  
Apr 2, 2010   #2
I think everything is quite OK with your reasoning and putting your ideas clearly and coherently. One think I will advise you not to use short forms, like I'm or don't, because as I was said it is not acceptable in essays.
ginny2345 12 / 22  
Apr 2, 2010   #3
i agree with azeri.i like your overall appproach to the essay. Also, u need to watch your tenses, spellings and grammar.
OP Martin 1 / 1  
Apr 2, 2010   #4
Thank you! I'll try my best.

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