Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
where i came from and my further experiences
I have been born as a youngest, among my brother and a sister. We lived in a little town named Undurkhaan, located in eastern Mongolia. Until I graduate my high school I studied there. Now I think that life was hard for my Mom that time because she had no full-time job yet she had to raise 3 children without the support of a husband. I wonder how she could handle and manage such things. Somehow she did everything she could, that we didn't have to face many sufferings.
I was the most entrusted one among my siblings. My mother always told me that you have a great potential if you could use it correctly. Since my childhood, I always tried to solve problems such as to create a device that translates one language to another just by listening. And it never stopped I was still looking for answers for problems.
When I was in middle school I had new neighbors who were Christians. And they changed my life because the way they talk, the way they treat people was different and I want to be just like them. While I was converting I refused certain things such as tobacco and alcohol. Most importantly I understood that I don't have to be like others in order to be a leader.
With these backgrounds, it was time to go to my next mission the university. When I graduated from my high school I went to Ulaanbaatar the capital city of Mongolia to pursue a bachelor degree. I chose Mongolian language and textology major. I also learned English on my own with my free time. During my university time, I found myself. I am here to make life easier.
Now I have been working as radio editor for 3 years. One of my reason to study the Mongolian language was to protect immune system of Mongolian language. And I think I do by working in Radio field.
Except for my work I also teach. I learned English on my own. And I want to test myself also in order to fulfill my dream I took IELTS exam. Gladly, my band was 7.0 with this achievement I want to teach others that they can also succeed. I taught total 3 classes with each one of the classes had around 6 students.
After this experience, I saw so many opportunities that I never before saw. Especially business ideas. And I want to implement them in the real world. But I am a person who has lack of knowledge about how to do business. I know they are good ideas, but if I don't know how to reach my goals it is useless. Then I came to the conclusion that I need to study.
I thought about studying in Australia or in the USA. However, they are very expensive and they don't offer many scholarships as Korea do. I acknowledge, that Korean education system is very friendly to foreigners. Since it is Asian country, if I study there I would be familiar with tradition and etc.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Munhkbileg, this essay does not qualify as a proper Letter of Self Introduction. There is a disconnect between your college major, your profession, and your potential masters degree studies. In fact, I am not clear on what your chosen masters degree course is in this essay. You have a very good family background presentation and a clear idea regarding your point of view of life. However, your dreams and aspirations are not presented at all in the essay. Additionally, your educational background is weak. There is no clear progression of your academic career and you are unable to indicate if you were some sort of special student when it came to awards and recognition. That is an important consideration when it comes to your application. Specially, if you earned these awards during your college studies.
You need to explain why you studied languages and textology in college but then ended up as a radio editor. This is the disconnect that I was talking about. How and why did you end up in this line of work that is so far from your college major as far as the reader can tell? How does the profession relate to your chosen masters degree course? What is your motivation to pursue that line of study? You need to clarify your thoughts along these considerations. Frankly, the essay you present doesn't have a point. It has no direction and doesn't really fulfill the requirements of the prompt for this letter.
I am worried about the weakness of your letter of introduction. Specially since you do not have a solid understanding of Korean culture to present in the essay. I do not feel like this essay will make it past the first round of considerations. In fact, it may not pass the preliminary screening at all. If you still have the time, try to review the prompt requirements and then focus and apply yourself when it comes to providing the necessary information. This essay doesn't really deliver the necessary aspects for consideration and will not be beneficial to your application at all. You need to find the reason why you want to enroll in a particular course, why that is a strong motivation, and how Korea fits into the discussion. Read the sample letters of introduction for the KGSP scholarship available here. You might be able to find some inspiration from some of them for your revised response.
