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Brandeis MSF essay-Why are you interested and how will it help?


bonboncase 20 / 45 15  
Oct 19, 2015   #1
Hi everyone. If you have read my threads before you will know I am using my old examples again :P (Sorry about it but I am running out of time as 4 deadlines are coming in 10 days) Anyway. I will use blue font color for what's new. I believe the old parts have little problems as I have polish them a few times. Please help check the usage of words in the new parts first. Thanks a lot!

Topic:Why are you interested in this graduate program at Brandeis International Business School (IBS)? Please include how this degree will help you achieve your short- and long-term professional goals. (500-1000 words)

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The main reason I want to pursue further study at Brandeis is because the MSF of Brandeis is desirable for my interest in data-based finance. In search of master programs in finance curriculum that will build a solid expertise, I found your MSF program is a good fit for me. Its rigorous curriculum will not only equip me with strong theoretical foundation and a versatile skill set of financial markets analysis, but also enable me to apply the theoretical principles of finance in the modern financial arena.

I discovered my active interest in data analytics and finance during my undergraduate study. Before I completed any data processing classes, I already used Excel to predict the income of a hotel with a nonlinear model consisted of 5 variables (e.g. advertisement spending, room prices) in a National Business Simulation Competition. Aware of the importance of mathematics and programming skills, I chose the most difficult level for all mathematic lessons to compensate for my inadequate mathematic learning due to years of professional piano training. In the Management of Corporate Financial Risk class, I improved my programming skills while doing my class assignment of demonstrating Support Vector Machines (SVM) with an application. Rather than confining to the reference materials my teacher provided which only introduced the application of SVM on SPSS, I read a few books introducing machine learning with MATLAB and wrote some codes successfully to predict the return on investment using financial data in the past. After adding the factorial analysis of SPSS to my application of SVM, my final thesis about this application was published and included in the teaching materials of my teacher to help instruct other students.

I am looking forward to working with an investment management firm after graduating from Brandeis. I would be ready to help customers evaluate their business plans and provide investment advice by doing market research and synthesizing massive amounts of data. I am sure the well-rounded career services of Brandeis will guide me to my desired career. The career-oriented activities such as individual coaching sessions, professional development workshops and national career fairs will help bolster my academic and professional strengths. The relationships between Brandeis school's Career Strategies Center and the leading multi-national corporations and financial institutions maintains in every continent are very attractive to me as an international student.

Over the course of my career, I plan on becoming an economist with the aim of improving the Chinese financial system. My interest in the Chinese financial system was raised after attending Demystifying the Chinese Economy, a course taught by Justin Yifu Lin, the former Chief Economist and Senior Vice President of the World Bank. I learned that with limited channels available to raise capital, the Chinese financial system has yet to hit maturity to balance out the labor-intensive small and medium-sized firms which have a great comparative advantage in the world. As there is limited legal protection for private loans and numerous restrictions for commercial lending, bigger firms have greater ability to raise money from banks, enlarging the wage gap in China. This results in the limited flow of capital into the companies with the highest comparative advantage, decreasing the competitiveness of China to the world.

During my internship, I was struck again by the need to develop a more mature financial market. Even though I was in one of the biggest security companies in China, I learned that privately-raised company bond for small and medium enterprises, a product which Lin said would benefit the Chinese financial system, was a limited-release in testing phases. Also, when I tried to evaluate a firm using the Discounted Cash Flow (DCF) model, my senior colleagues told me that in real circumstances, human factors have a strong influence on the estimation. Thus, I am eager to learn how a fully developed financial market works in the US by continuing my studies at Brandeis International Business School.

After reading your curriculum description, I am particularly interested in examining the microstructure of markets and equity trading which will offer me essential insights into the world of professional finance. The great location of Waltham where lots of intern and work opportunities can be found is also appealing. I will have chances to have a deeper look into the US's financial market since interning, interviewing and working in Boston are within a close reach.

I am also excited to study at Brandeis, where a well-balanced student is highly valued.
Aside from my academic experiences, I am very active in many sport activities. As member of my university's swimming, badminton and tennis teams, I enjoyed competing with my teammates and I met many great friends in sport activities. I also took up a part time job playing the piano to keep my interest in art as my university does not have piano related activity. Knowing that Brandeis has a strong art and athletic atmosphere, I am especially interested in joining the tennis and swimming teams of Brandeis. I also hope I can show my highly-trained piano skills after entering Brandeis.

My undergraduate study has equipped me with a solid financial and quantitative skill set. With my strong interest in finance and my unstoppable pursuit for self-improvement, I believe I can quickly adapt to the rigorous curriculum of your program and display an outstanding academic performance afterwards.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 20, 2015   #2
Shiyun, checking out the new additions first as requested :-)

The main reason I want to pursue further study at Brandeis is because the MSF PROGRAM is desirablefor RELATED TO my interest in data-based finance.

BRANDEIS WILL SURELY HELP ME PREPARE I would be ready to help customers evaluate their business plans

I am sure the well-rounded career services PROGRAMS of Brandeis will guide me toWARDS my desired career.

The relationships between Brandeis school's Career Strategies Center and the leading multi-national corporations and financial institutions maintains in every continent are very attractive to me ENCOURAGES ME TO STRIVE AND PERFORM WELL as an international student.

decreasing the competitiveness of China to IN the world MARKET.

After reading your curriculum description, I am BECAME particularly interested
The great location of Waltham where lots of intern and work opportunities can be found is also appealing ALSO APPEALS TO ME.
interning, interviewing and working in Boston are within a close reach PROXIMITY.

Knowing that Brandeis has a strong art and athletic atmosphere, I am e specially interested in joining the tennis and swimming teams of Brandeis . I also hope I can show OFF my highly-trained piano skills after entering WHENEVER PERMITTED TO DO SO AT Brandeis.

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Only the corrected parts are shown here. Good luck with your application!
OP bonboncase 20 / 45 15  
Oct 21, 2015   #3
Hi Louisa. One of my friend said the following sentence seems negative. I wonder if I need to revise this sentence. Thank you!

Aware of the importance of mathematics and programming skills, I chose the most difficult level for all mathematic lessons to compensate for my inadequate mathematic learning due to years of professional piano training

I am also getting confused with a grammar problem
"I found your MSF program is a good fit for me"
"I found your MSF program which is a good fit for me"
I can understand the second one is correct. The first one seems strange to me though. There are two working verbs. Is it wrong? Thank you!
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Oct 22, 2015   #4
I don't think that the sentence is negative Shiyun. It only shows that you had an interest in a different field of study prior to this one. It is not uncommon for a person to have to compensate for his studies due to the irrelevance of his previous interests. However, if you feel the same way as your friend, we can always revise the statement to sound more positive. Let me give it a try.

Since my previous interests lay more in the world of arts than in the world of numbers, I knew that I needed to strengthen my mathematical background. While piano training taught me keep rhythm by counting beats, that was not exactly the kind of math that was required in programming. So I felt the need to strengthen the mathematical aspect of my learning in order to prepare a stronger foundation for my math and programming skills.

With regards to your grammar question, in actuality, The first sentence correct and can be used for your response. Th first sentence is just missing a connecting word in order to make the sentence work properly. It sound better and is more grammatically correct to say:

"I found THAT your MSF program is a good fit for me"

The second sentence, should be presented in the following manner in order to be structurally correct:

"I found your MSF program , which is a good fit for me"

Please note the comma between program and which. The pause is necessary to place an emphasis in the statement.


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