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The brief analysis of population change in China---composition of entrance exam for postgraduaion


beatrixlau 1 / 3  
Nov 17, 2015   #1
Write an essay based on the following chart. In your essay, you should
1)interpret the chart, and
2) give your comments.
You should write about 150 words on the ANSWER SHEET. (15 points)


A glance at this chart provided reveals some remarkable changes of population both in urban and rural areas of China in the recent two decades. The number of rural dwellers was consistently higher than that of urban residents over the twenty years period. In the year of 1990, the number of rural dwellers was 843m, while it slipped to 674m twenty years later. The urban areas, meanwhile, has experienced an upward trend, reaching 666m in 2010.

Several factors responsible for this phenomenon are as follows. Firstly, resulting in more and more people entering the cities, are the increased opportunities for jobs. With the booming economy of China, the bigger the cities are, the more employment chances they could generate, which inevitably lead to youngsters in the country to look for decent jobs in the city. In addition, more well-developed infrastructure in towns is another contributing factor that cannot be ignored. Moreover, from an educational perspective, a growing number of parents prefer to move to the cities in order to provide their children with better educational options.

As discussed above, urban areas do have much appeals for people. On the other hand, however, each one of us ought to stay alert to the potential problems that the cities may bring along with excessive population.

fahmisadja 33 / 33 34  
Nov 17, 2015   #2
Hi there...
As far as I am concerned, you have no grammatical error. I have just read an essay having different style like yours. However, in my opinion you should make such overview or introduction in the first paragraph, such as write the trend that happen in the chart. Then, you no need to explain the detail data while let the readers understand generally. Therefore, the readers will know what will you say, and we can imagine. To be honest, I can't get the imagination because you don't attach the picture. On the other hand, if you just wrote the overview in your beginning of paragraph, I will predict what kind of evidences that you reveal.

Next, you can present the detail data in your bodies of paragraphs. Anyway, you did a good way to explain the flow, with comparison or contrast. You can add the unique data in the bodies whereas it is not only results or reasons. Let us know, the real data in your following paragraph. Finally, no need to summarize in the last paragraph. It is enough when you state in the first paragraph.

Good luck then.
OP beatrixlau 1 / 3  
Nov 22, 2015   #3
thank you for your help.The reason why I did not post the chart is because I do not know how to make it.It's my first time to post essay on this website. :-)
OP beatrixlau 1 / 3  
Nov 22, 2015   #4
this is the chart. well.



vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 22, 2015   #5
Beatrix, you really provided a well developed summary report. However, I found some grammatical errors that needed to be addressed. Let me refer you to the necessary edits in your essay:

... some remarkable changes of IN population both in THE urban and rural areas ...

... urban residents over the A twenty years period. In the year of 1990, the number of rural dwellers ...

The urban areas, meanwhile, has experienced an upward trend ...

Several factors THAT WERE responsible for this phenomenon are as follows INCLUDE: Firstly, resulting in m More and more people entering the cities, are the AND increased opportunities for jobs.

... more employment chances they could generate, which inevitably lead to youngsters in the country TO THE CITY to look for decent jobs in the city .

... infrastructure in towns is ARE another contributing factor

... do have much appealsfor ON people. On the other hand, h However, each one of us ...

I am not sure if adding a personal opinion at the end of the summary report is proper. I believe that you should only stick to the information provided as your opinion is not called for in the report you developed. Just stick to the facts and keep your opinions to yourself unless it is clearly required in the prompt.
OP beatrixlau 1 / 3  
Nov 22, 2015   #6
Thanks for the #5.:-)
It is not an ielts essay, and I am required to give some opinions. But i am afraid I could not agee with your some points. Thank you again, anyway.


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