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MY CAREER PROGRESSION. Statement of Purpose for MSc in UoM


serikbar 4 / 16 3  
Dec 29, 2016   #1
Below is the raw draft of my Statement of Purpose for MSc in University of Manchester. Would appreciate to receive your opinion and suggestions on how to improve it.

my career progression



During my last vacation I met with an old friend of mine whom I had not seen for a while, and came to know that he had recently joined a management consulting firm. While discussing the details of his new role and the cases he was working on, I got really interested in this field. Later on, I spent couple of weeks conducting a deeper research on consultancy firms activities, as well as on responsibilities handled by consultants, which only strengthened my desire to work in this sphere. However after careful consideration of my professional experience, which is mainly related to Construction and Project Management, I decided that postgraduate education in business would be not only useful, but perhaps essential in developing my career potential and providing me with greater opportunities for future success in this field. This was the driving factor behind my decision to pursue a Master's degree in Business Analytics and Strategic Management, as I believe this program would be invaluable in helping me achieve my objectives.

My undergraduate studies in Kazakh British Technical University covered mainly upstream and downstream operations of the oil and gas industry with more emphasis on the upstream sector, such as geoscience, drilling, oil extraction, etc. I graduated in 2010 receiving BSc degree in Petroleum Engineering with the final GPA of 3.76/4.00, which could have been higher if my concentration on studies had not slipped in 2008 due to some personal distractions. Nevertheless, I was always considered among the brightest students of my course, both by the professors and by my peers. During my last year in the university I was considering to continue my education in this field abroad. However, being offered employment by a leading service provider to the oil and gas production and processing industry, I decided to postpone it. And now I am glad that I chose to join Bechtel's graduate program because its flexibility brings great advantages with it.

Throughout my six years in the company I had a chance to try myself in different departments and roles. This gave me very comprehensive understanding of the overall EPC (Engineering, Procurement & Construction) projects execution. However I have never confined my self-development process to purely job related areas. Despite the breadth of experience I have been receiving, I have always known that I need to challenge myself if I am to continue progressing and reach my full potential in life. Therefore earlier this year I have successfully obtained the PMP (Project Management Professional) certification from the Project Management Institute. Currently I am preparing for Level 1 CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst) examination in order to underscore my interest in corporate finance, economics and investing practices. All these elements have given me a very broad outlook, with varying degrees of knowledge in a range of topics. I am confident that although some are not related directly, all these qualities will positively influence my graduate work, and in coupe with strong analytical and quantitative skills honed during my engineering studies, they make me a perfect candidate for this program.

I think that my past shows a steady yet rapid progression in my career, and I am eager to enhance that progression by enrolling in your program. After completion of my studies, I plan to join one of the leading management consulting firms, and I believe that your school's excellent reputation, the program content and the benefits of the client-facing project you offer combine to provide a very solid foundation for my aspirations. Knowing that the selection process is very competitive, I am sure that I will match all the credentials and will be able to maintain high standards set by the program. I want to make it clear that I would regard the my admission not only as a great honour but also as a great responsibility and an obligation to work hard.
Hthmn 6 / 14 3  
Dec 29, 2016   #2
@serikbar
In the first paragraph I cannot find a good reason for mentioning the story of meeting of an old friend, and also you did not reveal that much about when exactly did you meet him/her and why>

In the second paragraph, your overall GPA seems excellent to me, therefore, it is better if you do not mention your setbacks on 2008 to prove that you may have get a higher score. The reader of your personal statement would not care about such problems since you are qualified enough to be considered for the program..

Best wishes.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Dec 30, 2016   #3
Serik, you only managed to properly answer the second prompt requirement in this instance. I advise you to review the prompt requirements. There are 3 specific questions. Therefore, this essay should only have 3 paragraphs. Each paragraph specifically answering the prompt requirement in order of question placement in the outline. It is imperative that you refocus the content of your essay to justify the reason why you are different from the other applicants. That is where the essay suffers the most in my opinion. All of the anecdotes that you told did not indicate any academic achievement, work recognition, or pioneering work that you may have performed in this field which can help you stand out as an exceptional applicant for a student slot at the university. Revise the essay accordingly in order to better your chances for consideration towards admission as a student.
OP serikbar 4 / 16 3  
Dec 30, 2016   #4
@Holt
Mary, thanks for your comments, I restructured the essay, adding some details, and tried to focus on the topics listed in the instructions for SoP. Please advise if you feel I missed something.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Dec 30, 2016   #5
Serik, rather than the generalized discussion of your studies, you have to present your final average mark for the subjects that directly related to your chosen major. That is a clear instruction in the prompt. So while the presentation of your total final GPA is good, it still needs to be supported by the presentation of your grades for your major subjects. I guess you can limit that to the major subjects that you took in your final year of college. Or, you can place a few subject grades in the paragraph and then refer the reviewer to your attached transcript of records instead.

Aside from that particular paragraph, the rest of the essay is sound and responds directly, accurately, and completely to the remaining 2 prompt requirements. Once you apply to corrections to the first paragraph, the essay should be ready for use. Good luck with your application!
OP serikbar 4 / 16 3  
Dec 30, 2016   #6
Mary, thanks again for your contributions and Happy New Year !


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