applying masters in the German University
I am Borra Vishnu Mohan Reddy a Mechanical Engineer candidate from Sree Vidyanikethan Engineering College, Tirupati, India, aiming for the Graduate studies in Germany who envision myself as a top class specialist in the field of Material Science and Simulation, which is my final goal.
The Engrossment of becoming an Engineer has started, from my childhood I was very fascinated to know the secret behind many works and creation. At the same time my school has conducted a science fair in which some students have presented a working of the engine in the bike as their project, I wondered a lot and I thought it as a wonderful creation of human. Later by several types of research, I recognized that for making any component in this world there will be more Research or Practicality in different branches of such as Material Science and Simulation, Industrial Engineering, Automotive Engineering, Thermal Engineering, Manufacturing Engineering and initiation and growth in Mechanical Engineering. Therefore, I decided to pursue in Mechanical Engineering as my career.
Keeping an Amore and Curious attitude, I believe in a constant learning process. As a student pursuing Mechanical Engineering, I look for a Master's degree to elaborate my knowledge and skill set in areas of my interest. I perceive that it will also open up various avenues as far as my goal of career at practical professional at the academic, commercial and practical oriented organization is concerned. I always invite new challenges. The interest behind selecting Material Science and Simulation is for every structure we need a good material selection and for saving money to know the optimistic design we need a Simulation.
During my School days, I was very much interested in Mathematics, Physics and scored more than 90% of marks in the specific subjects. After completion of my Secondary education, I joined in Intermediate with disciplines MPC (Maths, Physics, and Chemistry) with a well-built objective of entering into the practical world in the field of Mechanical. To attain my goal, I have fulfilled my Intermediate and subsequently pursued my Bachelor of Technology in Mechanical Engineering at SREE VIDYANIKETHAN ENGINEERING COLLEGE with an aggregate of 7.04 CGPA. I have gone through various subjects like Mechanics, Material Science, Thermal Engineering, Computer Aided Engineering Design, Fluid Mechanics, Design of Machine Elements, Mechatronics, Manufacturing System Design, and Metrology & Measurements and apart from technical subjects I learned AutoCAD, Catia, SolidWorks, Ansys, C and Python which will help me to reinforce my qualification and help me to get admitted in your Master course.
I took my own steps in applying theory by gaining practical experience. In order to upgrade my theoretical knowledge to the real world, I got a prospect to do my INTERNSHIP in "ENVIOUS PVT. LTD.". I learned about on what requirements we need to select appropriate material to the production product and how to overcome when an error occurs in the middle of designing, how to fix the errors, Simulation techniques, and procedure to make a product from the beginning to end. The knowledge earned on my internship had helped me a lot in my final year project, "Design, Development, and Fabrication of the Conveyor Belt" which was guided by Sri Mr S.Bhaskar, Asst. Prof. The theme of this project is to save the health of the employees working in cleaning utensils in my hostel. This conveyor will help them to avoid carrying the utensils, with the help of these conveyor belt utensils is carried and cleaned. For making this project we have done much research on materials for selecting the appropriate, that which can withstand high temperature and rainfall. Finally, we have selected steel for skeletal structure and polypropylene for the conveyor belt. For obtaining an optimistic structure we used Catia, Solidworks and Ansys as simulation tools.
In my view, Education does not have any limits or edges where we can stop learning. The same thought pushed me forward to know more about the new technologies that were implemented in Mechanical Engineering. I trust that the broad overview gained during undergraduate studies can be accomplished only by the in-depth study that a Graduate study will entail. Through my study and research, I want to settle in my core field and carry out the world with my knowledge that I possess. After the rigorous search of the university from web pages, the correct platform to pursue my Master's Degree in "Material Science and Simulation" at Ruhr-Universitaet Bochum where I strongly believe that I will surely reach my goal and my career would be in safe hands.
My bachelor's curriculum has enabled me to clear my fundamentals and now I feel the need to pursue refinement of the attained knowledge through a master's course at the prestigious Ruhr-Universitaet Bochum. In addition, your splendid facilities and courses like Basics in Materials Science, Theoretical and Applied Materials Science, Advanced Characterization Methods, Advanced Numerical Methods are the major attraction to me. In my experience as a student, I know for certain that good facilities can make a difference in a student's life and learning experience.
Furthermore, in my point of view, Germany is the epitome to attain my goal since it has the most advanced and modern technologies in the field of Material Science and Simulation. I strongly believe that Ruhr-Universitaet Bochum will provide the necessary background in order to expand my skills and interests in this field.
Eventually, I am confident that I possess both capability and keenness to pursue my higher degree with design specialized in achieving my academic objectives, and thus would like to apply for the Department of Material Science and Simulation at Ruhr-Universitaet Bochum.
I like how you were adding a lot of anecdotes in your essay. This will help you stand out in a sea of applications that focus on technical qualifications. While it is great, I do think that your composition can be improved through using structures that are more formal and descriptive at the same time. To do this, I suggest that you try to use language more creatively in a way that you specifically tell stories as vivid as you possibly can.
For instance, let's take a look at your second paragraph. You could rewrite your second sentence here as:
I recall a time when I had participated in a science fair in school. There were students who were laboriously working on an engine of a bike. I was fascinated by the sight; and this made me contemplate on the extent of what we can do as human beings.
This is a more creative approach to telling the story than simply explaining what had happened. Notice how the simple insertion of adjectives at the right portions of the text can help with how descriptive your essay is. This can also help the readers understand the depth of your experience more because you expose them to what the scenario was at the time.
I recommend that in the last portions of your essay, you should be more descriptive about what you are anticipating or looking forward for in the university you are applying for. Discuss in-depth why Germany is the best option for you. What makes the country and this university stand out from the multitude of options that you have?
Aside from that, I also want you to look into the technical of the essay itself. You do not need to capitalize terms like engineering whereas you need to capitalize formal terminologies like Mechanical Engineering, Manufacturing Engineering, and related concepts (basically pronouns). There is also no need to capitalize on adjectives that you present in the essay (curious, engrossment, etc.). If you want to emphasize on these terms, you can simply focus on story-telling in reference to them to showcase and assert that you possess the qualities. Aside from that, to ensure the formality of your structure, there is no need for you to make irregular or out-of-the-box structure changes to lure attention into your essay.
Best of luck.