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Chemistry Study - PERSONAL STATEMENT for scholarship

Jazzmin 2 / 4  
Feb 4, 2019   #1
Hello this year im going to apply for a scholarship in a masteer degree in pharmacy and cosmetics in Korea.

This is my statement, thank you all for your help

this scholarship will allow me to expand my goals

Respectable members of the scholarships and admissions committee my name is ******* I'm a professional of chemistry sciences, when they ask me why I studied chemistry, I'm pleased to answer that having studied chemistry gave me the technical and analytical skills as well as competence to develop myself in any professional and personal field. During the course of my career I always participated in research activities, my social service was in a laboratory of Microbiology of Research, through this experience came the opportunity to continue with my thesis project which was in a Molecular Biology laboratory having participated in these activities, aroused in me the interest to solve problems and give results through research. Later in the work environment I followed the same field; This last experience was what made me realize that I had to continue on the path of research, I had the opportunity to work for a company in the area of research and development of generic medicines, as a professional I was in charge of driving every project from the beginning until the medicine could go on the market. This is why I know the responsibility that is to create products with quality, safety and efficacy; however I realize that these areas are always full of challenge.

Why do I want to continue with my studies, my motivation is the following; I want to be able to answer the new questions and needs that are generated in these areas and I will achieve it through the subjects that I am going to study, when I review the subjects that are taken in the postgraduate courses that I aspire to, an emotion grew in me, because I knew that it would be the path that would take me to find the answers, it fills me with enthusiasm to think about everything that I have to learn, to later contribute new things that can solve the unknowns that chemistry as a science has and that I as a professional can solve, apply and teach later. I would like to have this experience in another country and be able to focus only on my master because I know that I have great potential that I still have to exploit.

Korea is a country that inspires me a huge admiration for its history as well as its culture that unites technology with tradition, I feel a deep respect towards its discipline and its world-class educational level; I feel a deep respect towards its level of studies worldwide. Its language, being so different from mine, makes me foresee that I will have to make an effort to learn and master it. That is why at this moment I am already taking classes which has also allowed me to get a little closer to its culture and continue to be interested in it. The prestigious universities that I aspire to be in this country have incredible resources and technologies that would help me expand my knowledge and experience in order to become a highly trained professional in my field of study. Preparing myself in this way in a country with a great history of growth and improvement, being the bridge of communication between this country and mine is a task that I will carry out with enthusiasm.

South Korea is one of the safest countries with a large number of foreign students satisfied with the level of education and quality of life. Being the Asian country that exports more cosmetics, its technological advances in this and other areas such as pharmaceutical make this country a world power. South Korea in particular has caught my attention as I find their products innovative and much more advanced than Western brands. These areas are related to my professional training and my academic and personal interests, my interest in learning about their subjects, their science and their technology lies in the desire to contribute through research more resources in these sciences, resources that can be used in the daily life of people in this country, my country or anywhere in the world. Having the opportunity to continue preparing professionally, while I share my culture and represent my country is a task that I intend to carry out in an honorable way.

Through chemistry, I have been able to fulfill my initial objective of study, to be a professional that is capable of contributing to the welfare of society. Through this scholarship I will be able to expand my goals; provide solutions through research, solutions that help others to improve their quality of life by creating innovative products that make a society thrive. Finally, a single truth has guided my life until now and that is to face the challenges, overcome them and achieve the goal. Thank you for considering me for this scholarship, I will not waste your trust placed on me.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,978 3867  
Feb 5, 2019   #2
I noticed that this essay is far longer than the average and expected length of a personal statement. A personal statement is normally between 250-500 words at the most. Since you wrote more than 800 words, it is evident that you have included unimportant references in this essay. The paragraphs comes across as too long, over explained and sometimes, too roundabout in its discussion for it to retain the interest of the reviewer.

If this is for a KGSP scholarship, then this essay will not work at all. It carries too much excess information that does not relate directly to the requirements of the prompt. Since you did not identify if this is for a KGSP scholarship or provide any further instructions for this essay in terms of writing instructions or prompts (for a non-KGSP scholarship personal essay), I advise you to shorten this essay by being more direct to the point in your paragraph presentations.

Your first paragraph pertaining to your interest in Korea is based solely on personal assumptions rather than the actual information regarding Korea's contribution to your field of expertise so the information you present is coming across as less motivated by what you hope to learn from Korean experts than your imagined achievements as a student in Korea. Remove that. The second paragraph in reference to your interest in Korea is more applicable and can be used without changes. I base this on the KGSP prompt requirements alone. If you are applying for a different scholarship, this advice may or may not be applicable to the presentation.

Again, since you were careless enough to just post an essay without instructions for the review, this advice may or may not be applicable. You will have to decide whether it is applicable or not to your essay. I cannot review your essay beyond this point due to the lack of writing instructions that should have come from you and should have been included when you first posted your essay for review here.

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