Hello. Just here trying my best on this Statement of Purpose for Dental School (International Dental Program). So far I have an introduction. I am curious. Does this intrigue you to read more??? Corrections and feedback are very welcomed.
As a child I loved to tear things apart. The fun part was putting it back together. This required meticulous attention to detail and fine motor control. The desire to understand and repair continued throughout my life. It was in high school, during a mission trip to a rural part of Jalisco, Mexico, that I realized the greatness of Dentistry. Not only did it require discipline and a steady hand like an art form, it improved the quality of lives. I watched as a dentist drilled apart a tooth in order to removed decayed portions. Then he filled the cavity, applied a laser light and it was as if the cavity was never there. Essentially, he took it apart and put it back together. I was amazed. It was at this moment that I realized I wanted to become a dentist. The art of dentistry requires doctors that have a love for detailed work and a passion for working with their hands. My continuous thirst for self-improvement, unique background, and my desire to help others make me a perfect fit for your program.
Daisy, the introduction definitely has an interesting hook to it. I would advice you to add to the part about coming to realize that Dentistry is an art form though. Try to relate it to your interest in tearing things apart and putting it back together. Describe the way say, a cavity was filled by taking apart the tooth (drilling it) in order to make the hole bigger and remove the decayed portions of the tooth. Then let us know how amazed your were at the sight of seeing the cavity filled and having the laser light applied so that the cavity looked like it was never there. Or something along those lines :-) The reason I am asking you to add this is because it ties in directly with your interest in taking things apart and putting things back together again. Which is something that happens each time a tooth cavity is filled :-) I hope my suggestion works for you :-)
WOW! Thanks! Great suggestion. I will definitely work on that and try again. Thanks again!
Hi, the introduction was quite intriguing. To be honest, without knowing that this was a dentistry application, I would have thought you were applying into something like engineering. "As a child I loved to tear things apart. The fun part was putting it back together. This required meticulous attention to detail and fine motor control. The desire to understand and repair continued throughout my life." Just a thought, but nonetheless, I think this is a great attention getter. The rest of the introduction looks great!
I've made some improvements (I hope). I am worried that I won't relate to the dental admission and that it does sound too "engineery" or not attention grabbing/superficial. I am trying to stand out in a good way after all.
Daisy I want to add an adjustment to the first paragraph if you don't mind. I think it will really help tie in your love to tear things apart and dentistry :-)
As a child I loved to tear things apart. [...]
- As a child, I loved to tear things apart. The fun part for me, was putting it back together. I enjoyed the meticulous need for attention to detail that putting these things back together required. As I matured, my interest in learning how to take things apart and put them back together only grew. By the time I was in high school, I was looking for more intricate things to tear apart and put back together. it was during this pivotal time in my life that I traveled with a medical mission to the rural part of Jalisco, Mexico. It was during this trip that I learned of the beauty of dentistry in relation to my desire to constantly take things apart and put it back togetherDo you think my suggested additions and revisions work for you? All the other parts of the essay work well with the paragraph at this point.
I feel like the paragraph might some a bit repetitive. Any opinions?
Yes, I agree that it is a bit repetitive, However, it is necessary because we are trying to show the progression of your interest in Dentistry. Let me take another whack at this. Use it as your next template if you wish :-)
I grew up with a love of tearing things apart, after which I would immediately put it back together. It was an interest that I have not outgrown and was further fueled by a medical mission trip I took to Jalisco, Mexico. It was during this trip that I learned of the beauty of dentistry in relation to my desire to constantly take things apart and put it back together
Does this sound better and less repetitive to you?
