Please provide revision/feedback. Thanks in advance!
Why did you choose the health profession indicated in your application?
Medicine is a unique profession in the sense that the practitioner can be a research scientist, an artist, and a humanitarian. In the same way, I have tried to lead a balanced life among the three fields. My interest for science is fueled by the experimental process; the practice of successfully marrying a theoretical concept with real, tangible data to support, or refute it. Leading a team of four, my current research has focused on the design and synthesis of self-assembled cyclic peptide into ordered nanostructure as a drug delivery system that can be used for improving cellular uptake of water-insoluble drugs. I hope this work will make significant contributions to the field of medicine and will be of interest to the pharmaceutical industry. I expect to continue to do scientific research after graduating University of Rhode Island.
In addition to my interest in the science of medicine, my passion for art also plays a vital role in my journey to become a physician. Growing up, art has become an indispensable aspect of my life. Throughout my academic career, I have taken numerous art courses and won a number of art awards, including the Congressional Art Competition. As I mature as a student and as a human being, I know that art will continue to play an important part in my medical advancement. Not only does art utilize physical technique, it also requires mental cognition -- both of which I believe a physician must be able to draw upon in their daily life.
Other than my artistic talent, I also feel the need to serve the less fortunate. Volunteering at the Rhode Island Free Clinic, I was completely immersed in the underserved population. Many families at the clinic are overly grateful for the opportunity to see a doctor, even waiting for hours, in hope, to have their names called. Serving at RIFC has confirmed that medicine is truly where I belong. Even in my limited capability as a volunteer, putting a reassuring hand on a patient and seeing the smile on her face is deeply rewarding. Knowing that, even for a moment, she is thinking about something besides her sick body, keeps me coming back every week.
Medicine, to me, is the most rewarding occupation. It provides challenges, as well as opportunities for me to give back and help my fellow human beings.
The second paragraph vaguely relates "art" to medicine, but nothing concrete there. I would like to see how exactly do you think art is relevant to medicine? I can understand how a pharmacist can be a research scientist (by inventing new drugs) and a philanthropist (by helping people overcome illness), but how exactly does he become an artist? You may want to elaborate here.
Is there a specific word limit to this?
yes, I'm borderline the word limit. But when I refer to medicine, it actually means physician, a doctor. Although I don't mention it here but I wish to become a surgeon...and surgeons are artists.
Well, if you want to be a surgeon, you should let them know (unless it hampers your chances in some way). You should write whatever it is you feel strongly about, and your big plan in choosing your course.
You may start with..
Medicine is a unique profession which combines science with art and altruism. These are the three aspects which I have always strived to balance in my life... [and then the rest of your essay]
no comma necessary here:
...data to support or refute it.
I'm jealous, URI is a cool place!
I expect to continue
to do scientific my research after graduating University of Rhode Island.
This is a bad sentence:
Not only does Artistic expression requires physical technique, and it also requires _________(something to express that it requires a vision of what is to be created or changed mental cognition -- both of which I believe a -- both of which are indispensible in the work of a physician. must be able to draw upon in their daily life.
"I believe" is always weak, so I took that out (above).