Hey guys. This is the first time I write a SoP. I am not sure if the length is good. The deadline is in a week so I need you guys help with either the content or the grammar! Thanks a lot!
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- What led you to select this program?
- What is your objective in pursuing a Master's Degree?
- What in your background is relevant to this objective? Describe how your academic, industrial, and/or commercial experiences prepare you to be successful in this program.
- The masters program culminates in a practicum project done in conjunction with a business or other organization. Please describe your initial ideas for the type of practicum project you would like to pursue.
- Any additional information you wish to give the Admissions Committee.
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I was attracted to your program the first time I saw your website. "Learning by doing" is a very effective way of study and I personally enjoy this way of study. For example, although I learned MATLAB for a full semester in class, my application skills of MATLAB not very well until I took on a class project of demonstrating Support Vector Machine on MATLAB. This is the same for me in my daily life. Rather than reading instructions, I prefer to actually learn something by participating. That why I soon became the member of my university's swimming, badminton and tennis teams. Rather than waiting for them to put up an advertisement for new recruits, I showed my skills when I saw them training and I was accepted in soon.
Although my academic backgrounds and experiences may be enough for me to find a job as a consultant in China, I want to pursue a Master's Degree in the US. I have always been interested in the development of Chinese financial system. With limited channels available to raise capital, the Chinese financial system has yet to hit maturity to balance out the labor-intensive small and medium-sized firms which have a great comparative advantage in the world. During my internship, I was struck again by the need to develop a more mature financial market. Even though I was in one of the biggest security companies in China, I learned that privately-raised company bond for small and medium enterprises, a product which would benefit the Chinese financial system, was in limited release. Also, when I tried to evaluate a firm using the Discounted Cash Flow model, my senior colleagues told me that in real circumstances, human factors have a strong influence on the estimation. Thus, I am eager to learn how a fully developed financial market works by studying and working in the US. In order to work for a consulting firm after graduation, I was seeking a Master's program that can equip me with a strong skillset and practical knowledge. So the MSIT program became my choice.
I have an all-rounded understanding of how a business works owing to my three different internships which cover the aspects of marketing, accounting and financial modeling. My first internship at a security company taught me to prepare for product promotion. My second internship gave me a chance to practice what I learned about accounting by generating accounting entries and filling financial documents. My third internship at a futures trading company taught me to help their customer make investment decisions by processing financial data and benchmarking. Thanks to these experiences, I gained an overall picture of the finance industry and I am more confident at myself when pursing my future career.
For my academic background, I gained a comprehensive mastery of fundamental principles of finance as an accounting major student. To enhance my mathematics background, I chose "level A" which was the most difficult level for all my mathematical classes. Therefore, I built a solid foundation in mathematics and statistics by studying Advanced Mathematics, Linear Algebra A, Applied Statistics and Probability & Mathematical Statistics and Operations Research. I also actively engaged in the learning of programming and statistical softwares. Like the example I said before, I improved my programming skills while doing my class assignment of demonstrating Support Vector Machines (SVM) with an application. Rather than sticking to the reference materials my professor provided, which only introduced the application of SVM on SPSS, I read a few books introducing machine learning with MATLAB and my final thesis about this application was published. I believe my solid academic background and my spirit of innovation will help me succeed in your program.
Since I am currently working in the biggest education company in China, my idea of the practicum project is developing an app for this company. Currently, this company is relying on a chatting platform for homework submission. But I do not think it is a good idea to mix up studying with chatting. Also, when registration for classes begins, its website always crashes down. Therefore, I think it is a good idea to develop an app that is exclusive for this company. It will have five parts, including notes sharing, contacting teachers, homework submission, test scores records and class registration. While the students can save their homework and contact their teachers if they have any questions, their parents can register classes using this app.
Hi Shiyun, here are a few pieces of advice:
1. When I read about "During my internship, I was struck again by the need to develop ...", I'm a little confused because it you haven't mentioned your internship. And I think it would be better if you could provide add more description about this internship.
2. I think " I chose 'level A' which was the most difficult level for all my mathematical classes" could be simplified by removing the level A thing. I believe "attend the most abstruse and difficult mathematical classes among all available ones" should be better.
BTW, good luck to your application to MIT and CMU !
Shiyun, the first few sentences in your essay used the MATLAB for about 3 times,
I suggest just mentioning it once, this is enough to establish the subject of the essay.
Replace the word with a supplemental verb such as "the" or "that" or "this", whatever
works well with your sentence and the idea that you're working on.
I also would like to work on the last paragraph of your essay.
Final paragraph
- Since I am currently working
- Currently, thisThe company is relying
- ButHowever, I do not think
- it is a good idea to mix up studying with chatting,
- Also, when registration for classes begins, its website always crashes down.During the registration at the beginning of the class, the website crashes.
- class registration. While,while the students can
- save their homework and contact their teachers if they have any questions, their parents can register classes using this app too .
Shiyun, after reading and modifying the final paragraph, I feel like the essay still lacks a couple more sentence in order to complete the essay.
I suggest the following;
This app will not only be helpful for the students, parents, teachers but also for the entire society. Safety is one aspect that will make this program successful and I will make it happen for the welfare of the future generation.
I hope my remarks helped!
