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I am committed to helping children transition into their next life stage - Statement of Intent

tranhm 3 / 8 1  
Nov 10, 2014   #1
Can you please give me a rating, on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best)? Personally, in this intent, I'm trying to express my career purpose, my interest, highlight my work experience, and the reason I'd like to attend this university. Lmk if this is all clear or too much, please. Thanks for your time!

The milestone typically seen in normal speech development are when babies coo or babble in the first year of their lives. However, when a speech-language problem is present in a child such as playing appropriately with toys, it can disrupt them from moving smoothly into their next life stage of everyday social communication with their peers. In my job, I am committed to helping children transition into their next life stage whether learning first words or helping them to have basic functional communication with their parents. While my skills are strong, I know that there will be more complicated speech-language cases in my career. Resolving to help children and their families by being more equipped is my motivation for applying to your graduate school program.

At The University of Texas at Austin, I took a course called CSD 317M Communication with the Multi-Disabled that awakened me to disabilities related to speech and language. For one assignment, students were asked to write from the perspective of a person with a disability and how the person would feel about walking around the campus. I took the perspective of a visually impaired person and imagined the challenge of walking across the street of an intersection. I became aware of the importance of accessibility and empathized how the quality of life for a person can be so easy for me, but difficult for another person. In particular, I became interested in working with children, and helping them from the beginning of their lives for them to become successful in life no matter their disability.

At present, I am a speech language pathologist-assistant at Resource Therapy Center. I plan over 24 sessions with patients on a weekly basis from the Spanish-English bilingual community in Pasadena, TX in a clinical setting. My most interesting case is addressing the needs of a 3-year-old boy that had moderate to severe speech impairment, a language delay, and attention deficits. My treatment plan with my supervisor included play therapy, multiple cuing, and behavior shaping tactics. The child was resistant at first, but over the following months, he showed more improvement in following directions, naming body parts, and producing basic approximations. After a year of speech therapy, he is now enrolled in a preschool for two days a week. His mother reports progress that he is paying attention more in school and is more focused. I believe that my professional experience in working with children like him, however I know that the graduate course offerings at your university will take me to the next level in helping more children like this young boy.

At your university, I am interested in the feeding and swallowing courses and the early childhood development classes. These classes will help me to achieve my goal of becoming a Speech and Language Pathologist in the medical settings and in early childhood education settings. Being given this opportunity at your school will enable me to meet a profound need in preparing children for their next life stages.

Word count: 499
fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Nov 10, 2014   #2
in my opinion, your essay will be more interesting, when you use academic words, particularly in the subject you want to apply.
lukemillerq 2 / 4 2  
Nov 10, 2014   #3
So, as it is now, your essay is very professional and adequately expresses your wish to further your education. However, I see that perhaps you could throw in a few specific bits of info pertaining to a specific school here and there to make them a little bit more convinced as to why they should accept you into their school.

Next, I would like to say that I'm not at all familiar with graduate admissions, but I think that adding a little flair to any essay is good. I think that if you added in a bit of an emotional appeal in the fact that you are passionate about helping children and furthering your education in speech pathology will help you do that, this will also make it a more convincing essay. I'm not sure this needs to be its own section, but instead could be added by saying things here and there about your passion for the field.

As I said, I'm not too familiar with grad school admissions, so I can't know how this compares to other candidates' essays, but right now I think this stands at a 7. It's not boring by any means, which is very good and kept me from being uninterested.

As a side note:

My most interesting case is addressing

I think this would sound better tense-wise as: "My most interesting case so far has been addressing..."
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Nov 10, 2014   #4
Hahn, your MA statement of intent or purpose does not follow the requirements of the essay. You are supposed to open the essay by stating your intention behind your desire to enroll in graduate school. Normally, a person who is applying for an MA has at least 5 years work experience under his belt and is looking towards a job promotion or career enhancement that requires more advanced studies in the field. You past academic achievements, be it high school or college, even your past academic organizations and volunteer services do not count towards any consideration in our abilities to perform as a graduate student. That information is overlooked and considered unimportant in an MA application.

What your essay should instead contain is, the purpose for your desire for higher studies, your current work position and relevant experience, your future goals (short term and long term) and how these advanced studies will help you achieve that. It is always good to note any future projects, dissertations, or experiments that you plan on participating in or having published as a graduate student. If you have any previously published work, you need to mention that as well. Those are the only types of information necessary in an MA application.

Right now you have written an impressive summary essay pertaining to your college achievements. The only part that you can use in your SOI will be the part about your current profession for the aforementioned reasons. There is a definite need to revise this essay.

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