Please comment and critique my Letter of Intent (SOP).
I also need some help for reducing the length of my essay.
Research finds its roots in the quest for substantive knowledge aligned with a will to pursue ideas and must therefore stem from creativity and be shaped by hard work. As I embark on the path to graduate study, the amalgamation of my perception of computational sciences with a willingness to distend it further truly excites me. I look forward to the opportunity of gaining impeccable knowledge and research experience through the covetable interdisciplinary ---------------------------- program at -----------------.
I come from a family with a belief that education, perseverance and hard work are indispensable tools for realizing one's dreams. Excellent performance in entrance exams helped me secure an admission in --------------------------, a premier institute in the state. I was introduced to an atmosphere where fundamental principles are instilled and innovation is valued. Strong concepts in mathematics and physics, probing attitude and my fascination for automobiles and machines led me to choose the Mechanical Engineering stream.
Interdisciplinary nature of curriculum allowed me to study courses in the basic engineering sciences and comprehensive courses in majors. The courses 'Analysis of Mechanical Elements', 'Numerical Methods', 'Metallurgy', 'Fluid Mechanics', 'Theory of Machines', 'CAD/CAM', 'Finite Element Methods' helped me build up my analytical and computational abilities and acquire a firm grasp over the basics of engineering. A course in ANSYS followed by the subjects 'Finite Element Methods', 'Experimental Stress Analysis' & 'Computer Aided Design' helped me in shaping my interest in this field. The coursework involved the conversion of real life problems into mathematical models using suitable numerical approximations that can be solved using computers. The fact that the conversion of real life problems into mathematical models also required understanding of its physical significance fascinated me most.
My proclivity towards novel research trends and avant-garde innovations impelled me to delve in fields beyond the restrictions of my syllabus. After months of toiling, systematically collating the literature and discussions with professors and peers, I prepared a research paper entitled 'Stereolithography: Effective Technique for Hearing Aid Manufacturing' and presented it at the International Conference on Mechanical and Industrial Engineering (ICMIE), Bangalore. The immense contribution of undeterred research in the field of custom manufactured biomedical applications invigorated me further. My next paper entitled 'Dental Crown Manufacturing using Stereolithography Method' was published in the proceedings of International Conference on Advances in Production Engineering (AIPE), Bangalore. The paper has been selected for an extended paper publication in the AMAE International Journal (IJMMS).
To satiate my growing interest in drafting and modeling, I completed an Advanced Diploma course in AutoCAD. To further hone my technical skills, I joined CATIA and ANSYS courses at the prestigious Indo German Tool Room (IGTR), Aurangabad. I was introduced to the various workbenches and interfaces which contributed immensely in my final year project. Ansys combined with a course in Finite Element Methods, gave me sufficient grasp of the fundamentals of solving complicated real life problems, using the concept of discretization.
To acquaint myself with the recent advances in industries, I worked as an intern at IGTR, Aurangabad and Laxmi Oil Pumps (LOPSL), Solapur during my vacations. At IGTR, I was introduced to the state-of-art manufacturing machines and automated systems. In the design and development department at IGTR, I worked on the improvement of drill jig design by modeling the enhanced jig assembly in CATIA and systematically justifying the changes done. In LOPSL, I was involved in the manufacturing and assembly of gear oil pumps. This experience was a colossal exposure to the industrial norms and work-culture. It made me realize the importance of practical training in getting a deeper perspective of the subject.
In alignment with my interest in Computer Aided Design (CAD) and Finite Element Methods (FEM), I am working on my senior year project titled 'Design, Simulation and Kinematic Analysis of Shoulder Joint' under the guidance of Professor -----. It is an interdisciplinary project which includes in depth knowledge of bio-mechanics, reverse engineering, CAD and CAE along with hands on experience in MATLAB and ANSYS for calculating the stresses and strains involved in the muscles and bones when subjected to various loads in different positions. Obtaining the apt material properties which correspond to those of bones and muscles for various age groups required extensive literature survey and discussions with doctors and professionals from CAE field. It has helped me immensely in understanding the biomedical application of numerical analysis and Finite Element Methods.
--------- is the trademark for quality, be it education, research, automobiles or industries. To keep abreast with latest technological advances and to avail myself of the excellent faculties that ------------ universities boast, I am keen to obtain my master's from ------. -----------------is one of the leading technical universities in the world which boasts of its long-standing tradition in imparting education which dates back to its foundation in 1765. The research intensive teaching combined with a strong focus on partnerships with industries and international collaborations makes ------------- a promising destination for graduate studies.
After my graduate studies I would like to embark upon a doctoral research at ----------------- and, further, I foresee myself as a post-doctoral researcher working with an academic or research-based professional organization. Engaging in scientific research would let me put all my knowledge to test and learn something each day.
I learnt about your university through professors and seniors. On visiting the website I was overwhelmed to see the amount and quality of research as well as excellent up-to-date research facilities. While my consistent performance in exams, research papers and software courses indicate my competence, the research I am currently doing as part of my senior year project clearly showcases my motivation and admiration towards computational sciences and its wide applications. My strong technical knowledge combined with my research focus and zeal will enable me to excel in the graduate program. Hoping for an encouraging and prosperous future at the university, I take this opportunity to thank the university faculty for their patient perusal of my application.
I was introduced to an atmosphere where fundamental principles are instilled and innovation is valued.
... I suggest "environment" in place of "atmosphere"
This is good, but I have the understanding that SOP is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments, but rather an opportunity for you to address the admission committee directly and to let them know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and the other application information cannot convey. So in that sense, I wish if you bring in more personal and emotional appeal to this writing.
Even I felt that I added too much of information from my resume...
Actually I did not mean that you added too much info. What I suggested was to change the tone of your writing to sound more personal than a resume. There are good SOPs you can find in this forum and I suggest you to read them to get an idea about how other guys have presented their SOPs. I don't suggest you to copy or follow them, in fact that can be dangerous too, but it's worth trying to feel how others respond.
I think you can tell them more about you through the SOP. Why you are passionate about following this course; Why you think you stand as a potential candidate (here you can talk about your credentials and background); what you aspire to become (your short term/ long term goals), why you think this institution is the right choice. Also you could include the challenges you faced and how you overcame too :) ....
