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Computing and Crohns; I found comfort in the familiarity of my keyboard --Common AppEssay


insidious 1 / 2  
Nov 1, 2014   #1
I need some pointers and suggestions/editing for my commonapp essay. I have it due by Nov 15. Thanks!

I sit in an Doctors office with my Father, facing a very serious but short man sitting at a desk in front of me. The doctor wasted no time. "You have Crohns disease" he started. "an Inflammatory Disorder affecting over 1 Million people Worldwide." he paused for a few seconds, letting it sink in while pulling out some informational documents and pamphlets, passing them over the desk. "There is no known cure, though a variety of treatment options do exist..." His words were quickly droned out by my own thought. At first, I did not want to believe it, but I knew it was true. It explained everything. From a steady increase in stomach pain, progressing to shivering and anemia escalating into absolutely cloudy thinking. That's what was happening for the past few months, and I felt like a lost four-year-old searching for answers.

For many more more weeks I was left without answers, the feeling of being lost permeated throughout my life. Anemia became the storm through which I was forced to navigate through. The storm left nothing unaffected. My hobbies all but forgotten, I trudged through school, cloistered myself in my room, while friends became an afterthought. I needed an anchor, though I did not realize it yet, that would be paramount to reflection and renewed self-discovery.

That's when I truly discovered the crazy and quirky things that were computers and the internet. Sure, I dabbled with it before. Created a few sleazy websites, talked in some online chats and played copious amounts of video games, but that barely scratched the surface.

I was able to research my condition to the degree that I was comfortable. On my way I discovered entire communities of people with problems exactly like mine, and was able to communicate and converse without fear of scrutiny. I found ways people have utilized to overcome their own problems. It allowed me to observe, and learn. On my way I discovered new communities, and with that new interests.

It was not long before I fully realized a new interest: programming. I typed something into a prompt, and it simply happened. It was simple. I thought of an idea, and made it happen. If something went wrong, it was my fault. The computer did exactly what I told it to do. I was able to create anything and everything I thought of, conjuring it from within the mysterious universe of computers. The further I delved into it, the more their was to discover. New problems introduced themselves, each with their own solutions, everything under my control.

I had found my anchor, and was finally able to reflect. I became very involved in programming and technology, even starting my own website-My website-to share my findings and new involvements with communities I was apart of.

I found comfort in the familiarity of my keyboard. Despite the impeding nature of my condition, I refused to let it get hold of me. I continued to create and share. I knew of nothing else but to find comfort and solstice in the multi-colored lines of words on my computer screen which would proceed into fruition and totality of my own creation. I realized that nothing could hold me back, and the only thing to do is to continue.
melramadhani 16 / 46 6  
Nov 2, 2014   #2
I think your essay lacks of focus. You talk about your disease and your passion in programming in the same portion, you should focus on one to give your essay more strength.

That's all I can say, because you didn't provide the prompt of your essay. You must provide it, so people will be able to give the proper suggestion for your essay.
OP insidious 1 / 2  
Nov 2, 2014   #3
Here is the prompt, I neglected to put it into the main thread sorry :/ :
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
OP insidious 1 / 2  
Nov 2, 2014   #4
I think the point i was trying to get across was that my passion for tech/programming helped me take back control over my disease. Would you suggest cutting this out entirely, or did you meant to split it into paragraphs?


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