Hello Everyone!
I am having problems with the SOP. Converting from EE to PE is really challenging and it is very difficult to sell your interest. I believe I have some problems with developing interest part (2nd para) and overall the flow. Please assess honestly.
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My country is facing a serious short fall in energy and the crisis are ever increasing since late 2000s. A shortage in oil products is recorded every day. It is not because my country doesn't have enough oil reserves. In fact, according to a report released by Energy Information Administration (EIA) Pakistan stands 9th in Shale Oil reserves, a 30 fold increase in reserves! This famine in oil products and power supply we face is merely because we lack technical in the concerned field.
My interest towards petroleum industry bloomed when while surfing over the internet I found a course on Petroleum Geology offered by Delft University of Technology. The instructor was Prof. Dr. S.M. Luthi. It was a conversion course, covering the introduction, historical development of petroleum industry, oil and gas composition, carbon cycles, migration from sources to introduction, rock properties and basin types. Once I had gone through the lectures, I was interested in the industry more than ever. I had the basic knowledge of Reservoir Geology and I wanted to explore further. From oil prices to technological reforms happening in the industry, I used to read everything that came across. I had already chosen Electrical Engineering but I always knew that I can join Oil Industry even with this degree. So, at the time of graduation I started searching Oil Firms taking Engineers in their Controls and Instrumentation Department. My dream came true when I got an offer from XYZ; a subsidiary of XYZ.
Being a part of one of the busiest operators of oil and gas industry in the country had already given me a good start. Since I was in the instrumentation and controls department, I used to visit well head surface facilities a lot. Instrumentation is a core part of latest WHSF now a days. From choke control to SSSV and SSV and from well production to well safeties, it is all about instrumentation. This fact gave me the confidence to explore further. We used to have constructive discussion with engineers from various departments about the whole value chain process from exploration to production. I got to know about drilling a well and analyzing its mud samples retrieved from reservoirs. I learned about what goes in a life cycle of drilling a well, how cementing is done, why wire line technology is used and how well logging is done so as to keep track of reservoir formation. It was the first time I came to know that the well pressures are so immense that the hydrocarbon flows out itself. During several meetings arranged with Chief Operating Officer of the company as part of my training, I listen to the words "reservoir and its formation" repeatedly. It caught my attention and for detailed study I started taking a look at XYZ. The study intrigued more curiosity.
The safety inductions carried out by HSE during my training period at the production facility gave me a deep insight towards personal protective equipment (PPE), fire hazards, and hazops and safety measures practiced in this industry. At this point I came to know that our reservoirs are H2S free. The real test came when a mishap occurred and at our production facility and I was chosen for Process Safety Management Team (PSM) by my boss to assist him during the whole work. This period not only helped me sharpen my skills but it also gave me an opportunity to know how work flows in HSE department practically.
My quench didn't end here and I started searching for best opportunities I can get to know about oil and gas. After a lot thinking and surfing over the internet, I realized that there is so much that I can learn in this field. A desire to pursue my career in petroleum engineering sparked and for this purpose I find XYZ as the best choice. Having a consortium of XYZ universities, while providing an opportunity to attain a degree in Master of Science in Petroleum Engineering from the XYZ, one of the world centers of excellence in education, training and research in petroleum engineering, with strong links to industrial leaders in the sector, XYZ will fulfill my desire.
The conversion from being Electrical Engineer to petroleum engineering seems like a challenge but I believe that I am fully capable and always up for taking new challenges. During my final year of engineering, I was having some trouble in choosing my senior year design project. One day, my Head of Department called me to his office and told me that there was a very interesting, but tough, research and development project that he thought I should do. It was a challenge given to me, and my search for an appropriate project was over. It turned out to be a really interesting project and most importantly taught me what doing research was all about. We had two research problems for which we had to propose optimized solutions. I had regular meetings with my research advisor and updated him about my progress after going through other research papers regarding the unfamiliar subject matter. We wrote research papers on each of the problems, which we could not publish, but it was an interesting experience regardless of the result and, importantly, taught me about research in unfamiliar areas, its gratification and its pitfalls.
XYZ is one of the most prestigious engineering schools in the country, which is currently ranked first by the Higher education commission of Pakistan. I was amongst the top twenty students in a class seventy during my undergraduate studies at XYZ. I was also involved in many co-curricular activities. As my academic record testifies, I believe that I have a strong command not only over basic engineering concepts like Mathematics and Physics but also computer programming. My programming skills got really well polished during my bachelors. I worked in various object oriented programming languages and due to my excellent programming skills. In most of my semester projects I was the team leader and had to organize meetings and set the milestones for rest of the group. I also delivered individual assignments during my academics and professional career on time.
Other than my academic achievements, I actively participated in extracurricular activities. I was a member of a Society of sports arts and literature. Exercise and sports always attracted me and I was a member of the cricket, squash and swimming teams of the Faculty of Electrical Engineering. I have also kept good social relationships during my professional life and tried to take a leading role. During my career as an instrumentation engineer I was selected as a Planning engineer on basis of my administrative and management skills.
The Institute of Petroleum Engineering at XYZ University has one of the best programs of petroleum engineering in the world. It provides unique learning experience and opportunities for graduate students. The institute provides excellent research facilities available for working with the cutting edge technologies being developed in the field of petroleum engineering, with some of the pioneers in the field working as faculty members. It seems to be a perfect place for me, which can provide me with an excellent platform to achieve my goals. By selecting me to study at your prestigious school, you will give chance to an ambitious and motivated student who wants to devote himself to energy industry. I believe that I can perform well and prove to be a valuable asset to your institution. Thank you very much for your time and attention.
Hi. I am kind of new at writing essays but please let me state some of my opinions.
Firstly, I think it is not right to use "doesn't" and "didn't" in formal essay. You should write "does not"， "did not"
In the second paragraph, you write"After a lot thinking and surfing over the internet, I realized that there is so much that I can learn in this field.". This is to vague. You should be detailed at what you think. However, I think what you said in the first paragraph DOES explain your change in interest. Maybe you should put that sentence before the first paragraph.
Also, I think that you didn't make clear what are the important things you learned at the lecture that change your interest. As I am not familiar with your major, it is hard for me to catch your main point.
Thanks a lot. let me clarify the picture: I am a Electrical Engineer with majors in controls and working in oil and gas industry as instrumentation engineer. I feel now I should do MS petroleum. So it is a complete conversion of Engineering.
Ahmad, the main problem you have with you written work is that you are confusing the content of a personal statement with that of a statement of purpose. I already see some parts of this essay that actually align with a statement of purpose. So all you have to do is edit the essay and drop the unnecessary parts in order to properly state your purpose for applying for a masters degree.
The 3rd paragraph of your essay can actually be used as the opening statement for your statement of purpose. Such types of essays look for the professional achievements of the applicant. While you can share some of your college the reviewer tends to consider your more recent training and seminars attended in relation to your occupation much more. The history of your college education does not carry that much weight at this point so delete the reference to that in your SOP.
You also do not need to discuss your extra curricular activities in a statement of purpose. That is irrelevant to the course you applying to and should be placed in a separate, if optional, essay prompt topic. The SOP should only concern itself with your current career, how you see the advanced education helping you advance that career, and how you think the university can help you achieve those plans. If you have a 5 year career plan, let the reviewer know about that too. He is definitely interested in reading about that.
Try to avoid repeating information about the university. The reviewer already knows what makes his university special. What he wants to know is how you can create a special relationship with the university with regards to your education. What will graduating from their university with this masters degree do for you?
You need to sound more professional in your SOP. The tone that you have right now is one that is best used in college application essays. There is also too much reference to your college days. Like I said, it is not really a big consideration for the reviewer. He needs to know what makes you special in terms of your current work interests. Prove that you can parlay the knowledge you will receive into an improvement for your career.
I think that you can use this information to start revising your statement of purpose. If you can provide us with your revised essay when you are done with it, we will be sure to help you polish it in order to make it usable for your needs :-)
Thanks a lot. What I need is application motivation.
A motivation essay is also a different kind of essay. Far different from a statement of purpose. As far as content is concerned, there are one too many motivations, aside from irrelevant extra curricular information, in your current essay. My opinion, is that your current essay is unusable in its current form so you should just delete this and start over.
In order to write an effective motivation essay, you need to go beyond your academic accomplishments and experiences. You were on the right track when you started discussing the energy shortage in your country. That paragraph shows how and why you developed an interest in Petroleum Engineering. However, your work does not end there. You need to develop your motivation some more.
Consider the current power situation in your country and ask yourself, "How can I solve this problem through the use of my Petroleum Engineering degree? What kind of solutions can I propose to help ease the problem? Analyze those questions and note your responses to them. Make sure that your responses align with a need to gain advanced training and information in the field of PE. Once you develop a response to those two questions, you will have created the basis of your motivation. From that point, all you have to do is expand upon your interest and your ideas for solutions. Make sure to use the words "I was motivated by" or "This motivated me to" or "I am motivated to discover" in order to remind yourself that you are writing a motivation essay and nothing else.
Base your motivations on real time problems and current situations.How do the currently proposed solutions help to motivate your interest in PE? Deviate and distance yourself from your college studies and other academic situations in your past. You are talking about more advanced studies, offering you a masters degree needs to be based upon your professional interests, desires, and applications. The obstacles you faced in college motivated you to pursue a specific course. What motivates you to improve your professional life should be based upon more mature and serious concerns. Keep that in mind as you draft your motivation essay.
If you can complete the draft of your essay and post it in this thread, we should be able to review it for you and help you align it with a motivational essay. Maybe we can even help you polish it so that you can use it sooner rather than later.
Please assess this one. I have tried my best to make a better flow than the previous one. Cheers. :)
My country is facing a serious short fall in energy and the crisis are ever increasing since late 2000s. A shortage in oil products is recorded every day. It is not because my country does not have enough oil reserves. In fact, according to a report released by Energy Information Administration (EIA) Pakistan stands 9th in Shale Oil reserves, a 30 fold increase in reserves! This famine in oil products and power supply we face is merely because we lack technical in the concerned field.
During my time in University, I had the first glimpse of the energy crisis facing the world when there was a petroleum shortage in our country. All means of transportation froze, causing great hardships to the people. It was the time when power outage at homes became a vital part of living. Industries collapsed and investors changed the courses of their investments. The results were catastrophic. My countrymen faced highest unemployment rate ever recorded. It sparked in me a strange inquisitiveness, and I started to read all I could about the petroleum crisis. It was just the beginning of a lifelong interest with energy and the ways to solve it. I had already chosen Mechatronics Engineering but I always knew that I can join Oil Industry. I realized that I could make a difference in people's lives and also contribute enormously towards solving the energy crisis faced by the world. So, at the time of graduation I started searching Oil Firms taking Engineers in their Controls and Instrumentation Department. My dream came true when I got an offer from MOL Pakistan Oil & Gas Co. B.V.; a subsidiary of MOL Group, Hungary.
Being a part of one of the busiest operators of oil and gas industry in the country had already given me a start. Since I was in the instrumentation and controls department, I used to visit well head surface facilities a lot. Instrumentation is a core part of latest WHSF now a days. From choke control to SSSV and SSV and from well production to well safeties, it is all about instrumentation. This fact gave me the confidence to explore further. We used to have constructive discussion with engineers from various departments about the whole value chain process from exploration to production. I got to know about drilling a well and analyzing its mud samples retrieved from reservoirs. I learned about what goes in a life cycle of drilling a well, how cementing is done, why wire line technology is used and how well logging is done so as to keep track of reservoir formation. It was the first time I came to know that the well pressures are so immense that the hydrocarbon flows out itself. During several meetings arranged with Chief Operating Officer of the company as part of my training, I listen to the words "reservoir and its formation" repeatedly. It caught my attention and for detailed study while surfing over the internet I found a course on Petroleum Geology offered by Delft University of Technology. The instructor was Prof. Dr. S.M. Luthi. It was a conversion course, covering the introduction, historical development of petroleum industry, oil and gas composition, carbon cycles, migration from sources to introduction, rock properties and basin types. Once I had gone through the lectures, I was interested in the industry more than ever. I had the basic knowledge of Reservoir Geology and I wanted to explore further. I started taking a look at "Fundamentals of Reservoir Engineering" by L.P. Dake. The study intrigued more curiosity.
The safety inductions carried out by HSE during my training period at the production facility gave me a deep insight towards personal protective equipment (PPE), fire hazards, and hazops and safety measures practiced in this industry. At this point I came to know that our reservoirs are H2S free. The real test came when a mishap occurred and at our production facility and I was chosen for Process Safety Management Team (PSM) by my boss to assist him during the whole work. This period not only helped me sharpen my skills but it also gave me an opportunity to know how work flows in HSE department practically.
Knowing that Pakistan can be a part of big oil and energy producer and facing the realities of power shortfalls in my country I believe I can play my part for a prosperous and bright future by doing more than a job. I started searching for best opportunities I can get to know about oil and gas. After a lot thinking and surfing over the internet, I realized that there is so much that I can learn in this field. A desire to pursue my career in petroleum engineering sparked and for this purpose I find ISPG as the best choice. Having a consortium of Galp Energia and six reputable universities, while providing an opportunity to attain a degree in Master of Science in Petroleum Engineering from the Heriot-Watt University, one of the world centers of excellence in education, training and research in petroleum engineering, with strong links to industrial leaders in the sector, ISPG will fulfill my desire.
