Hey! I am working very hard to get this cleaned up and wonderful. Any help you could offer would be much appreciated. As many eyes/ opinions as possible the better! Thanks in advance.
I'm usually not one to act irrationally. Being a science major, and rational thinker every hour of my day and every decision that I make is methodically planned. However, as out of character as it was, when the opportunity presented to study and intern abroad in Costa Rica for the summer, I knew I couldn't resist such a wonderful experience.
I arrived in Costa Rica in mid May of 2011, without knowing a soul. With what little research I had time to do in between my reservation and departure date two weeks later; I expected a little English to be spoken and the weather to be warm, and comfortable. I pictured a setting somewhat like that which is pictured in the movies; beautiful beaches and sparkling blue waters. Arriving in San Jose, I walked outside the airport to swarms of people hassling me in Spanish, drenched head to toe from the torrential downpour, in a city as smoggy and dissimilar as I could have imagined.
Three months, and countless adventures later, I can truly remark on what a rewarding experience it has been. Not only has my Spanish improved by leaps and bounds, I have truly "found myself", and confirmed my passions to work in the healthcare field. While interning in the hospital, I faced many situations where I had to use my logical reasoning skills, wrack my brain for the correct Spanish vocabulary, and flip through my index of medical knowledge to help patients and doctors. I challenged myself in many ways and came out a stronger person because of it. The entire experience of stepping a tad bit out of my comfort zone, reminded me of just why I wanted to work in medicine in the first place.
My dreams of becoming a medical professional had a rough and somewhat rocky start. As a cross-country runner in middle school, all of high school and the start of college, I had learned a strong sense of determination, strength and perseverance. I pushed my body and mind to perform at the ultimate levels, until one sunny Saturday during the summer of 2006. While out on my seven mile training run alongside the sparkling blue ocean waters and sandy beaches of La Jolla shores, I was about three miles into my run, when I heard a sharp pop emanate from my right hip. Clad in a Nike shirt displaying the motto "Just Do It!" I stuck with it, finished out that run and continued along my daily tasks. In the following days, I realized my injury was more than a minor tweak, and despite days of rest I saw no improvement. No longer able to run without pain, I grudgingly gave in and called a doctor.
Seven doctors, countless tests and thousands of dollars later no conclusive results have been produced. When the result came back negative for a pars fracture in the fifth lumbar vertebrae, a Physician's Assistant (PA) delivered the inconclusive results from the CAT scan and instructed a complete termination of all running. I symbolically unlaced my shoes to display my disappointment, suddenly overcome by feelings of frustration and loss.
The PA comforted me, encouraged me to never give up on my dreams, and sent me on my way with a prescription for Physical Therapy and a handful full of ambition. I soon began physical therapy, and came to love the close patient- provider interaction. I admired the Physical Therapist's depth of knowledge, and became inspired to obtain such knowledge myself. After interning and working in a number of different physical therapy clinics, with patients of all walks of life I discovered my love of helping people, and furthered my passion for the life sciences. While my Physical Therapist was the one who introduced me to the intricacies of anatomical and physiological knowledge, the role of a PA appeals to my career ambitions more closely. A doctor's office is no unfamiliar location for me and I know I will be able to excel with the tasks and responsibilities granted to a PA.
While my running days are far over, my sense of adventure is still alive and thriving. Over the past six years I have been able to travel to Fiji, Belize, and Mexico, and have had the aforementioned opportunity to study and intern in Costa Rica. These travel experiences have first handedly opened my eyes to the lack of healthcare in lower- income and more rural areas. It was shocking to learn that healthcare discrepancies as wide as those I am experiencing abroad exist within the borders of our own nation. I hope that as a PA I will have the opportunity to use my knowledge to start to address these discrepancies and widen healthcare services throughout the United States.
I know that the experiences I have had traveling coupled with my passion for life sciences have prepared me well for the journey of becoming a PA. Since one of my strengths is person-to-person contact and communication, being a PA is the perfect opportunity for me to be an invaluable part of America's healthcare system and have a unique experience interacting with and helping each patient.
I think your essay is great! It gives a lot of insight on who you are and what your ambitions are...
I would just re-read the essay to make sure all the grammar is correct.
I think there were some run on (looking sentences).
Overall, I get the impression that you want to become a physician assistant because of your love for medicine and the confirmed idea that many are not fortunate enough to have access. But, you slightly touch on what you hope your role will be as a PA. I am still not clear what truly motivates you? Is it the traveling or is it the hopes you have for addressing the healthcare issues in lower income areas? Or is it both of these things?
So that's my take on it. Hope this helps...
Good luck.
I'm going to move a comma:
Being a science major and rational thinker, every hour of my day and every decision that I make is methodically planned.
With what little research I had time to do in between my reservation and departure date two weeks later, I expected a little English to be spoken and the weather to be warm and comfortable. ---I moved a comma and took out a comma. Look at Strunk and White for good ideas about how to use commas.
...dissimilar as I could have imagined. ----dissimilar is not the right word to use, because it is usually used to compare two things. You mean UNFAMILIAR.
Try to get rid of THAT whenever you can:
I know that the experiences I have had traveling coupled with ...
Okay, pretty good, but now it is time to cut some players from the team. That is, cut some of the least important sentences from the essay. This has a heavy feeling to it, a wordy feeling. Also, I think you should do something in the intro to create a connection between cross country and that costa rica experience... connect them in the reader's mind, connect them to the main theme of the essay, and the whole thing will pack a harder punch.
:-)
