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Cross major - Personal Statement - GKS Graduate University Track

hrdynt23 1 / -  
Mar 14, 2021   #1
Hi! I plan to apply for Global Korean Scholarship Graduate study. I need some advise for organizing my essay. Would you mind to help?

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."

This is one of inspirational quotes from Nelson Mandela whom I adore the most. It has motivated me to get a better and higher education. In this competitive world where the living standards are going higher day by day, education is the answer to be able to survive. I want to use my skills and knowledge to contribute in developing Indonesia, no matter what my ethnicity, gender, and background are. Hopefully, Kookmin University and the Global Korean Scholarship program, could help me achieve my dream.

I came from a small family and was born as the second of three children. Since I was little, my parents have hustled through their way to support us. When I was preparing for going to go to college, my family had a really hard time when my father had to quit his job. I remember our life was so hard because my sister was currently studying for her diploma degree. Looking at the situation, I decided to delay my undergraduate enrollment and find a job first as I could not just sit around and let my family struggle. Having a job did not diminish my enthusiasm for study. I still had the desire to continue my education. Then, I looked up a good college that provides an evening class program for workers. Working and studying full time at the same time were not easy but I was persistent that I would make it. After four years of hard work, I finally obtained my undergraduate degree majored in English Language and Literature. Not only that I paid my own college tuition without the help of my parents but I was also consistently able to maintain my GPA and graduated with honors. The lesson I learned that with a strong will and through perseverance and by God's grace, things will eventually find their way.

During my undergraduate study, I participated in a program called BIPA (Bahasa Indonesia untuk Penutur Asing - Indonesian Language for Foreign Speaker) as a language partner. I was responsible for helping foreign speakers in learning and practicing Indonesian language. I also introduce them to Indonesian culture by taking them to some tourism places in Jakarta. It was such an eye-opening experience for me. It taught me about cultural diversity and also improved my communication skills. I learned the importance of tolerating and appreciating diverse and various cultures. It made me become more prepared to cope with a new environment with a different culture.

Currently working for a Korean company makes me to work closely with some Korean co-workers. This situation has definitely exposed me to Korean culture. Compared to the previous company I worked for, I have noticed how different the work ethics are. I am so intrigued on how they do everything fast and organized. I started to wonder what makes them different. I was curious about how the structure in their society makes an impact on each individual. My curiosity has grown even stronger from just wanting to understand into a thirst for knowledge. This led me to have a desire to study more about Korean society. After looking up on some universities, I found that Department of Sociology at Kookmin University has Sociological Theories and Korean Society major which I was looking for. By study Sociology, I can get knowledge on various subjects such as history, culture, religion, politics, economy, social policy, that I can apply to make a difference in my society to go in a better direction.

The successful growth of Korea attracts me to seek an education in this beautiful country. Even though Korean and Indonesian national independence day was just two days apart, but Korea today is amongst the successful country in the world. I am determined to continue my study at the graduate level in Korea, not only for the knowledge but also for the experience that will be offered to me. By studying at Kookmin University and with the support of the Global Korean Scholarship program, it will allow me to have a wonderful experience studying and living in Korea. I can also collaborate with other students from different countries. By doing this I can gain insights and new ideas that can shape my way of thinking. I am excited to pursue my master degree at Kookmin University and I believe the school's resources will prepare me well to achieve my dream.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,946 3854  
Mar 15, 2021   #2
hustled t

- Do not use English slang words. This term is used as a derogatory reference to someone who does not have a regular job and uses various ways and means to create his finances. It is a disrespectful term to use, specially on your own parents.

The overall essay only responds to the family history, risks, and work experience. it does not relate itself to the rest of the prompt requirements. So you are not truly offering information that will help you become a considerable candidate. You should revise the content by doing the following:

In a new text document, cut and paste all of the prompt requirements. Create 4 spaces in between. Read each question individually, then write a response to the question. Make sure you cover all of the required discussion points and that you do not go over the page requirement for responding to all questions. Do your best to respond in no more than 10 sentences per paragraph / question. That way you will not go over the page requirement. Remove the questions after you have responded to all of them. Then you will be sure that you did not unduly focus on a single or only 2 aspects of the discussion.

Since this a career change essay response, you will need to justify the change in your interest and motivation. There has to be somewhat of a connection between the change in your career interests and your previous education. The English education needs to be somewhat related to this new career interest. You can discuss that in the motivations with which you apply to the program. Are you enrolling via Uni track? Then you should include a clear reference to that in your motivation as well.

I have to warn you though that weak career change scholarship applications do not usually make it past the consideration round and right now, nothing in this presentation will qualify you past the screening round.

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