- Do not use English slang words. This term is used as a derogatory reference to someone who does not have a regular job and uses various ways and means to create his finances. It is a disrespectful term to use, specially on your own parents.
The overall essay only responds to the family history, risks, and work experience. it does not relate itself to the rest of the prompt requirements. So you are not truly offering information that will help you become a considerable candidate. You should revise the content by doing the following:
In a new text document, cut and paste all of the prompt requirements. Create 4 spaces in between. Read each question individually, then write a response to the question. Make sure you cover all of the required discussion points and that you do not go over the page requirement for responding to all questions. Do your best to respond in no more than 10 sentences per paragraph / question. That way you will not go over the page requirement. Remove the questions after you have responded to all of them. Then you will be sure that you did not unduly focus on a single or only 2 aspects of the discussion.
Since this a career change essay response, you will need to justify the change in your interest and motivation. There has to be somewhat of a connection between the change in your career interests and your previous education. The English education needs to be somewhat related to this new career interest. You can discuss that in the motivations with which you apply to the program. Are you enrolling via Uni track? Then you should include a clear reference to that in your motivation as well.
I have to warn you though that weak career change scholarship applications do not usually make it past the consideration round and right now, nothing in this presentation will qualify you past the screening round.