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CULTURAL DIVERSITY; Boston University (BU)


deenaraef18 2 / 4  
Dec 18, 2013   #1
can someone please help me out with the grammar and structure or any critical feedbac! my English isn't the best! thank you!

One of the main reasons that brought me to apply to BU was perhaps the rich cultural diverse atmosphere it provides, being located in the heart of one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world. The exposure to the many nationalities and religions in Massachusetts will enhance my cultural awareness and allow me to teach and be taught many attributes that could only be learnt with experience and from different people with an amazing blend of personalities. Furthermore, the premedical opportunities offered in BU; especially the clinical experiences and volunteer activities will help re-affirm my passionate and burning desire to pursue my dream in the health professions and to assist those in need. My trip to the refugee camp in Syria opened my eyes as to the extent that medical support is required in the world. I aspire to volunteer actively in the community service programs offered in BU not only to help me acquire characteristics needed in the health professions but help me explore my interests and prepare me to achieve in a complex, ever-changing world. I hope to fulfill my aspirations in a high quality and nurturing university in the midst of a dynamic environment to the best of my abilities.
wafish 1 / 2  
Dec 18, 2013   #2
One of the main reasons that brought me to apply to BU was perhaps the rich cultural diverse atmosphere it provides, being located in the heart of one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world.

maybe make it:

"Located in the heart of one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world, Boston University caught my eye with its rich cultural and diverse atmosphere."
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 9, 2014   #3
First, it is not clear what your prompt (or the question) expect from you because you have not included it in the essay. Do it next time when you open a new thread so that we can provide you with more meaningful feedbacks.

One of the main reasons that brought me to apply to BU was perhaps the rich cultural diverse atmosphere it provides,

One of the main reasons that encouraged me to apply to BU is its rich diverse culture.
Is this about cultural diversity?


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