-A typed, clearly written personal statement, which provides insight into your career goals; your interest in public health and the program; and how your education, work experience, and personal attributes describing your strengths and weaknesses have prepared you for admission to the program. ...
- What does it mean to you to be a global health or public health professional?
- What do you view as an important/pressing challenge(s) facing global health or public health at present or in the foreseeable future, and why?
Hey guys, kindly help me with personal statement for MPH program. I am looking for every kind of feedback. Thank You in advance :)
Its a bit lengthy, so I really appreciate if you can take time for this :) This is a rough draft and I am mainly concerned if this kind of introduction seems good. Thank you:)
Word limit :1200 words
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- Pre-term birth: Leading killer of newborn babies worldwide
- 800 women perish every day due to pregnancy and childbirth related complications
- 300 million people affected by depression worldwide
- 1 in 10 adults has diabetes
- 6 million people succumb each year due to tobacco abuse
- 6.6 million children under the age of 5 die each year due to malnutrition
- Cardiovascular diseases are the leading causes of death in urban centers
- 78 million people have contracted HIV globally; 39 million dead
- W. Africa Ebola outbreak: More than 10,000 dead in 2 years
4 years of dental surgery program, 2 years of healthcare education and more than 3 years of dental practice along with volunteer work alerted me to some of these grave challenges plaguing the world. These issues are a result of poor health facilities or failure to control the spread of epidemic virus in society. Most of them can be eradicated if everyone has access to simple and affordable interventions such as inexpensive vaccines & medication, clean water & sanitation, healthy diet, regular physical activity and health education. The success of these medical interventions require global medical attention, better infrastructure & framework and a greater professional workforce. According to WHO statistics the global health workforce shortage is expected to reach 12.9 million in coming decades. Pursuing Masters of Public Health is my first step towards my goal to become an asset for renowned health organizations like WHO and CDC to free the world of disease and hunger.
During under-grad studies and 1 year of internship I chose to participate in and organize rural camps over urban ones; chose less researched presentation topics over easier ones; did all my clinical work myself instead of contemplating easy approaches. In these camps I diagnosed and treated underprivileged patients, provided them education on oral health and provided accessories to maintain their oral hygiene. We extensively used Atraumatic restorative treatment (ART), the technique of treating dental cavity by using hand tools without electricity, anesthesia or dental chair, during our camps. I never got tired of clinical work and it motivated me to help as many patients as I could.
I often deliberated with my teachers including Dr. ******* Dr. ************* about the lack of dental hygiene in patients. Dr. **** enlightened how negligence of a single tooth cavity can lead to major infections involving the heart, lungs and brain through dental pus travelling through sinuses and tracts. Dr. ********** illuminated how the plaque formed on teeth due to no brushing or rinsing can lead to inflammation and infection of mouth with bleeding gums predisposing to severe oral infections . Likewise, negligence towards fundamental aspects of health can lead to severe degenerative diseases. Keeping these discussions in mind I educated my patients about the immense benefits of maintaining proper oral hygiene and the benefits of regular dental and medical checkups. I learned that prior restraint can help prevent health scares and motivated me to pursue public health.
After under graduation I was offered a job in a renowned private hospital with a caveat to bring high number of patients. I instead chose a Government hospital for observer-ship as welfare of society without profit motive is their mission. I witnessed patients with traumatic injuries, disabilities, severe infections, unknown cause of diseases and limited accessibility to health services. Some were unemployed and homeless and used to sleep outside the hospital. Some of them didn't have the means to pay for token treatment fees. These grim situations expanded my world view and steeled my decision to become a public health worker. I honed my skills for working in stressful situations, how to comfort terminally ill patients, how to treat disabled patients, how to manage time considering the long queue, how to effectively work in a team in emergency accident cases wherein inter-dispensary doctors need to co-ordinate and treat the patient. I was appreciated by my mentors for my in depth knowledge, zeal to learn and implement and my calm and friendly demeanor.
Afterwards I took a job in a private charitable clinic where I applied all my knowledge and treated patients independently with dedication. Impressed by my skills, confidence, decision making and ability to work in a team my employer often delegated me to run the whole clinic in his absence as he found me to be competent and reliable.
Along with my studies, I was part of a team of 10 that organized health camps, attended by hundreds, to help people incorporate healthier lifestyle. In these camps I specifically choose the role of an instructor. I helped people with obesity, diabetes and hypertension learn yoga asana and meditation techniques and achieved exceptional results. Many participants lost weight, lowered blood sugar and felt improved overall health. I was appreciated by my community for my dedication and selfless service. In US I have joined volunteer organizations like ********* whose aim is to end hunger in **(city)**** through food rescue, distribution, education and other innovative solutions which I strongly relate to.
Due to dearth of quality public health institutions in *****(home country)**** I enrolled in and completed with excellent scores a 2 year distance education program in healthcare services along with my practice. It helped me to develop insight into mechanics of healthcare industry through subjects like strategic management, hospital organization and research methodology. I want to cement that with MPH from a renowned institution like ********* known for its interdisciplinary approach to address the most pressing global health issues, cutting-edge research on public health issues and entrepreneurial spirit that advances and promotes equitable health for all. I am particularly fascinated by Dr. ****** who Co-Founded Healthpoint Services, an innovative health services company that markets clean water, telemedicine with advanced diagnostics and medications in rural India and Dr. ******, a leading epidemiologist, who along with Dr. ****** introduced courses with UNICEF and the UN's World Food Program to explore innovative new solutions to Ebola and Polio response. Her research on the complex relationships between social determinants and disease is what I am looking for in MPH. Her belief that public health practice and research go hand in hand resonates with mine. I believe MPH degree will endorse me to advance my efforts to attain health objectives at both national and international level. With academic knowledge and practical training, I am hankering after to start my own volunteer organization to advocate against practices of adulteration of food, poor diet and lack of emergency preparedness. I endeavor to advance my leadership qualities through innovative techniques and field experience put up by your institute. I acknowledge that no path is easy and neither are there any short cuts but I am all agog to set myself on a career towards global health with more of fieldwork than merely academic papers. I believe that "If you want to cure, become a doctor; if you want to prevent the need of cure, become a public health worker"
Good Start!!! I feel like you need add some more in conclusion.
A minor issue is consistency/parallel structure. If you term undergraduate " under-grad" at one point, don't switch to undergraduation at another point.
Another issue is the cliches. You might want to look for another way to express your desire to cure world Hunger and disease. As you are pursuing an alternative path (public health worker) you might want to expand on that final statement.
I also noted that you go back to your professors extensively. I'm not sure if it's intentional or not. Personally, I would prefer to see more "you" as in who you are.
Hey andyis
I discussed about professors to make my letter of recommendations consistent with my personal statement. What do you say? Yes that was intentional? I read it somewhere but yes I doubt the same and I will really think about it and post a rewritten essay soon:)
Hi,Ssakshijain. Merry christmas! Here are some advices I gona to give you.
The success of these medical interventions require global medical attention, better infrastructure & framework and a greater professional workforce.
In these camps I diagnosed and treated underprivileged patients, provided them（with） education on oral health and provided accessories to maintain their oral hygiene
Impressed by my skills, confidence, decision making and ability to work in a team （，） my employer often delegated me to run the whole clinic in his absence as he found me to be competent and reliable （repeat meaning as Impressed by my skills, confidence, decision making and ability to work in a team ).
Expand on your final statement and let them know how deep and intense is the passion that drives you to cure world Hunger and disease. Other than that, you sound very knowledgeable in this subject, just add the corrections previously made and you have a great application essay!
-Hi I have rewriiten the essay and looking for every single mistake including grammar mistakes. Loads of thank you in advance as this is quite long, so I really appreciate your time plus if anyone can tell me how to reduce the length as it is beyond my word limit with 120 words extra.
- Pre-term birth: Leading killer of newborn babies worldwide
- 800 women perish every day due to pregnancy and childbirth related complications
- 300 million people affected by depression worldwide
- 1 in 10 adults has diabetes
- 6 million people succumb each year due to tobacco abuse
- 6.6 million children under the age of 5 die each year due to malnutrition
- Cardiovascular diseases are the leading causes of death in urban centers
- 78 million people have contracted HIV globally; 39 million dead
- W. Africa Ebola outbreak: More than 10,000 dead in 2 years
...
Sakshi, is the outline of information at the start of your personal statement really necessary? It does not really seem all that important to me since you were not able to work in that factual information into the essay. It would seem to me that if you can't use the information, then it should not be on the page at all. That is one reason why your essay is really running long.
Now, your essay can also do with an edit of the major problem that attracted you to this program, which you would want to resolve in the future, Don't try to be superwoman and discuss the problems in general. You won't be able to fix it all, Instead, pick one problem, related to your profession as an oral hygenist, and then discuss how that affects public health and therefore, needs to be resolved and you are dedicated to finding that solution.
Finally, the reference that you make at the end in relation to" I want to cement that with MPH from a renowned institution like ***(university name )******known for its interdisciplinary approach and research to address the most pressing global health issues." I reviewed the instructions you were given for writing this essay and apparently, the information contained in this portion of your conclusion, your appeal for admission to the university, is not deemed necessary and is not even being mentioned in the instructions. So take that part out and your essay will become more word limit compliant.
That said, there are still numerous grammatical issues that need to be edited in your work. However, I will refrain from pointing those out until we have come to finalize the content of your statement. Then, and only then should you bother to do the grammar proofing of your essay.
Hey Louisa, thanks a lot. Your suggestions always help me. Louisa, before fixing my essay, I have one query regarding conclusion part " I want to cement that with MPH from a renowned institution like ***(university name )******known for its interdisciplinary approach and research to address the most pressing global health issues.".
I am so sorry, I mentioned the prompt in short earlier. So now what you think should I removed that part or not?
Once again, thanks a ton and I really appreciate your time and effort on my essay and will post the new draft soon keeping your suggestions in mind . Thank you :)
Sakshi, thanks for the clarification. In response to your inquiry, since the actual, complete instructions clearly indicate a discussion along those lines, then you should leave that part of the discussion in the essay. However, you should delete the following part because it is not needed in the essay:
I am not a topper but an average student in academic grades but my experience and zest to make a mark makes me different and inspire me to progress further. I acknowledge that no path is easy and neither are there any short cuts but I am all agog to set myself on a career towards global health with more of fieldwork than merely academic papers.
You don't have to explain nor make excuses for yourself. You haven't even started attending the classes yet :-) So don't get ahead of yourself. I am sure that the professors will see the kind of hard working student you are when you finally start classes. It is always better to show them rather than to tell them :-)
Thanks again Louisa, I have started working on my essay now and would love to see you again here. I will not mind writing it again and again till it becomes good to submit. Hope you would not mind either proofreading it again and again :D though I will try to reduce the mistakes in my every effort:) Good day and thank you :)
Sakshi, when you speak of a community health camp, make sure to mention at least one name / organization that you participated in and clarify that you did it in your home country. Detail your participation in the camp, what you learned from it, and how it helped to influence your desire to learn more advanced concepts regarding public health management. The reviewer and the admissions committee may want to verify your information so you should supply them with information that they can confirm or trace on their own.
Overall, this is one of the best versions of the essay that you have written so far. I do believe that we are just a revision or two away from developing the best version yet. I hope you won't tire or get irritated at me because I keep on asking you to add and change things in the essay. I assure you it is for the betterment of your application :-) I hope that you will be able to develop the concept that I am requesting you to consider. It should not be hard for you to expand upon that paragraph as it exists in your current essay.
Hey Louisa, never ever, you are welcome always for the suggestions, I fear if you will get tired of me :D I am good in listening so feel free to criticize my essay, I will do my best to make it up to the mark.
Regarding the health camp, it was in my native religious community, that is the reason I mentioned native community, I doubt if someone would understand the name or it may look weird?? Its name is religious only, So should I mention that ? Its Dharmyog Meditation Camp?
Hey Sakshi, like i said, it would be best for you to mention the name of the community group that you volunteered at in order to give your statement validity. For some reason, there are some universities these days that ask you to provide verifiable information along with your essay applications so I have made it a policy to always ask the students to do that. You never know if and when the university does decide to do a background check on the data contained in your essays. It will never hurt you application to do that in any case :-)
If you can, describe the community in relation to the volunteer work that you did rather than opting for an overall description of the medical mission that took place. You have to show the relevance of this activity with your interest in public health. So you could go a bit personal in this particular discussion. Try to establish this activity as a major reason for your interest in MPH based upon your personal experience, sans the other medical activities that took place.
Thank you for your kind words and cooperation. I look forward to continuing to work on this essay with you.
