'Data mining, databases, computer science' -SOP for MS in CS Admission

Hi writers,

Would you please review my statement of purpose.
I will be grateful for help.

prompts: letter is limited to the topics in bold and 300-500 words.

Applicant's Name: XXX

Long Term Degree Objective: I intend to pursue the Master's Program in Computer Science at XXX University. I look to this program to broaden my knowledge and skills in my areas of interest. I believe this will give direction to me in a research and development career. I plan to pursue the Master's Program in order to reach this goal.

Research Experience: In my undergraduate studies, I have benefited from the variety of courses in a Software Engineering program at a reputed university, which has given me a comprehensive exposure to the core areas of Computer Science.

Students had the opportunity to have a degree of expertise in an area they choose through elective courses. I took Advanced Database Systems and Data Warehousing & Data Mining as elective courses. This has allowed me to gain valuable experience in this area.

I have had considerable experience in the field of Software Engineering. Most courses required doing projects in teams. We had to analyze problems and search for solutions according to a variety of Software Engineering techniques.

Future Research Interests: During my undergraduate studies, I have developed an interest, in addition to Software Engineering, in the areas of Databases & Data Mining and Information Security. The two elective courses in Databases and Data Mining, I took in the final year of my undergraduate study, increased my interest in this field. Also, since Software Engineering is my undergraduate major, I'm particularly interested in doing research on it. I often wished there was more time to take a complete course in Information Security as well. These three areas have interesting research potential for me.

Other Comments: I would like to add that I received a bachelor's degree from a university where English is the primary language of instruction and studied the English language for one year in the preparatory year as stated in my transcript.

In conclusion, I believe that graduate study at XXX University will be a major step towards achieving my objectives and that I have the motivation and preparation to fulfill its requirements.

In your long-term objective, I think you should get more specific. What kind of industries would you like to work in? What specific aspects of programming interest you. Give some detail, and let us get to know YOU.

Oh, I see that you give god details in the following sections. I still think you should let a bit more of your personality shine forth in that first section. Say something interesting and memorable at the start.

Also:

I have had considerable experience in the field...

In the section about your interests, I want to know WHY you are interested in those things. Let the reader get excited about your unique perspective and ideas.

The conclusion is weak, because it is so general and not interesting. Even though you have struggled with a language barrier, you can still be the most interesting applicant! Use that conclusion to make a meaningful, memorable observation about computer science and software engineering.

Good luck!!!!!!