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Data Science - [AAS Essay - class of 2021] Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?

mbimbagaskara 1 / -  
2 days ago   #1
Hello, I'm Bimo and I'm applying for AAS in the class of 2021. It would be a pleasure to get my essay reviewed. Any help and feedback will be much appreciated. Thank you in advance!


I am applying for a master's degree in Data Science. I am currently working as a Brand Visual Strategist in a startup company that lets me do projects outside my role. This flexibility helped me submerge myself in leading an experiment on applying a new shifting schedule to a department. This requires data analysis from collecting data to reporting to assist the company in selecting the most effective and efficient procedure that can optimize the operation. This piqued my interest in how data science can help an organization and even the government decide what's best to do to further help society based on what they acquired. I decided to shift my career to data science, but I realized that applying data science will require data analytic and programming skills. However, my practical and formal knowledge is still on a basic level. Therefore, pursuing a master's in data science is valuable to expand my career opportunities and contribute a far-reaching impact to the organization that I will work for.

I chose Master of Data Science at The University of Melbourne because they offer a Graduate Diploma in Data Science to help students who do not have a major in statistics or computer science but are still interested in taking the Master's degree. If they have an eligible weighted average mark after completing the diploma, they can complete both Master of Data Science and Graduate Diploma in Data Science in only 2.5 years of study.

For my second preference, The Monash University provides two options as the final component in my study: Industry Experience Studio to experience being a professional or Minor Thesis Study to continue research for scholarly work. I will have flexible options should I find different interests throughout the study but both can contribute to a portfolio of professional development. Data science is an important part of Indonesia's digital transformation and I want to be a part of the change for a better future.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,630 3477  
2 days ago   #2
Develop the reasons why you chose the courses at these universities. Aside from the textbook information that you found online, I don't really see the connection with a specific workplace application or scenario. For example, the course at Melbourne University, how do you see that as helping you professionally ? Or, are you just going to be using that as an equivalency degree to help you qualify for better work opportunities in your new career ? Be more application specific in relation to the data you gathered online about the course.

With regards to the second course, describe some flexible learning options as it applies to your career change. Why is this significant for you on a personal or career level ? The reviewer will look for that relevance since you are applying based on a job shift focus.

You have to work harder on convincing the reviewer that professionally, the company will benefit from your skills retraining regardless of which course you end up enrolled in.

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