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'I decided to study in Germany' - Motivation Letter for Master Aeronautical


bashirmai 1 / 5  
Sep 4, 2014   #1
kindly correct the following :

The aerospace industry is at the forefront of innovation, pushing the boundaries of technological advancement at an exponential rate. The design and manufacture of air crafts that can defy the limits of the world, or go beyond the decree of nature, is arguably the pinnacle of engineering in the world today.

That is the main reason that I am interested in pursuing an Aeronautical Engineering Masters degree after having completed my Bachelor's degree in Aeronautical Engineering 5 years ago at the Aleppo University of Mechanical Engineering.

My aim is to become a competent computational engineer who is qualified to work for international aeronautical engineering companies. Since Germany is known as the country at the forefront of aeronautical developments, it makes perfect sense for me to pursue my master's degree in the country that has universities best equipped to handle my masters training.

After some research, Germany turned out to be the best option for my studies since it offers the best economic advantage to families and students such as me and my family. Not only does the country present a conducive atmosphere for a growing family, but it also offers an academic and employment advantage to people of specific expertise such as me. I am already looking forward to the day when I will be qualified enough to work for the German Aerospace Center (DLR)

Having enumerated my reasons for choosing to study in Germany, I want to now explain the reasons why I am applying for acceptance to your university.

I came to know about your university through the DAAD course finder. I was impressed by the practical course curriculum and coursework. Another thing that pushed me to apply at your university was that its program designed for consecutive studies that make it ideal for my situation. Studying at your multicultural university will enables me to improve my interpersonal talents. I would be learning in one of the best universities in Europe.

I believe my educational qualifications and my experience are good enough to earn me a place in the master's program at your university. With such exemplary academic performances and scores, I believe I am the right candidate for in this program. Masters studies at your university will be challenging and at the same time interesting enough to help me overcome the odds of not only studying in a foreign institution but also living in an advanced society.

Working at the world's leading aircraft manufacturer and means being part of a high-performance team where every day you will exchange ideas and expertise with colleagues from different countries and nationalities, disciplines and backgrounds.

I am looking forward to graduating from your university and then undertaking an impressive career within the German aeronautical field over the next 5 years. I am looking forward to the opportunity to help design and manufacture the most eco-efficient, state-of-the-art aircraft. I will push the boundaries of technology with pioneering developments and designs by exploring all possibilities. I look forward to working with like minded engineers who will push to achieve the same goal: to be the best that we can be. I am hopeful that I will be able to work with Airbus, Air Berlin, or Lufthansa as part of my 5 year career development plan. Hopefully I will be accepted as an intern and then move on to a regular employee position at one of those companies thanks to the excellent training I will receive from your university.

I am positive that the university aeronautical engineering masters program will be an excellent start for an ambitious career person like me
Therefore, I would be so proud and happy if I received the admission for this program.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Sep 4, 2014   #2
Hello!

Your seriousness as a student is impressive, and your ability to show serious diligence is more important than perfect grammar. But it still is a good idea to send this to have the grammar edited.

Here is an example of a grammar error:
My name is Basheer and I am 28 years old, I had finished ...
That is a run-on sentence. Replace the comma with a period.

But more importantly, let's make it more enjoyable to read. Do that by adding a new sentence to the beginning of the first paragraph. Make it a sentence about why you want to study this particular subject. Surely that decision has something to do with your philosophy about life in general -- what you think is important and how you will accomplish it. You are enrolling in this program as a means to an end. What is your goal? Write a sentence about that to catch the reader's attention.

If you could write only one sentence to explain why it is important for you to enroll in this program in Germany, what would that sentence be? You need one sentence to express the single idea that the reader will remember. The reader will forget everything except this single, important, main idea of the paper. Express that idea in a single sentence somewhere in the first paragraph. : )

Good luck in your studies!
OP bashirmai 1 / 5  
Sep 6, 2014   #3
thanks for your reply and kindly find the below is its ok to pt in the first

The aerospace industry is at the forefront of innovation, pushing the boundaries of technological advancement at an exponential rate. The design and manufacture of craft that can defy the limits of our world, or go beyond the decree of nature, is arguably the pinnacle of engineering in the world today.

I have always sought to further my knowledge and understanding of how and why things work; to challenge the restraints of both modern pioneering and myself.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 6, 2014   #4
; to challenge the restraints of both modern pioneering and myself.

- I would suggest you change this to "challenge the restraints of modern space engineering and myself". You cannot challenge modern pioneering because to pioneer means to begin. You cannot challenge a beginning. You can only improve upon it. Perhaps it would be best if you had this later part of the sentence refer to your desire to create pioneering work in space engineering instead. That way you can present ideas as to how you plan to challenge yourself in order to achieve the status of a pioneer engineer in the field.
OP bashirmai 1 / 5  
Sep 8, 2014   #5
kindly find last the revised :

Motivation Letter
Study Master of Mechanical Engineer

The aerospace industry is at the forefront of innovation, pushing the boundaries of technological advancement at an exponential rate. The design and manufacture of craft that can defy the limits of the world, or go beyond the decree of nature, is arguably the pinnacle of engineering in the world today.

I am writing to express my interest in applying for the master program of Aeronautical Engineering; I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering in the branch of Aeronautical Engineer 5 years ago at Aleppo University of Mechanical Engineer.

...
SEE BELOW
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 8, 2014   #6
I have a few comments and suggestions that can help to further improve your essay. I listed it below.

The design and manufacture of craft that can defy the limits of the world, or go beyond the decree of nature, is arguably the pinnacle of engineering in the world today.

-... manufacture of crafts ...

- That is the main reason that I am interested in pursuing an Aeronautical Engineering Masters degree after having completed my Bachelor's degree in Aeronautical Engineering 5 years ago at the Aleppo University of Mechanical Engineering.

- There is no need to state the obvious. You are applying for acceptance into the masters program by completing the essay requirement.

- Here is another way to format this statement: My aim is to become a competent computational engineer who is qualified to work for international aeronautical engineering companies. Since Germany is known as the country at the forefront of aeronautical developments, it makes perfect sense for me to pursue my masters degree in the country that has universities best equipped to handle my masters training.

- State these in essay form rather than numerical.

- I suggest you turn this into a full statement instead by saying: "Having enumerated my reasons for choosing to study in Germany, I want to now explain the reasons why I am applying for acceptance to your university." Then you can further develop the reasons that you stated in relation to your excitement about learning from the best aeronautical minds in the world.

The Benefits of this Course:...

- You need to stop using subheadings for your essay. This is supposed to be a flowing statement of your motivation for studying in Germany. The headings cut the flow of the content and abruptly interrupts the reader.

I suggest that you do another rewrite that takes my comments and advice into consideration. Then compare the 2 versions and see which version appeals to you and seems to suit your needs best. We will continue to work with you until you perfect the paper :-)
OP bashirmai 1 / 5  
Sep 9, 2014   #7
thanks a lot for your advises and find the revised :

Motivation Letter
Study Master of Mechanical Engineer

SEE BELOW
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 9, 2014   #8
I looked for [...].

- You added information to your previous essay that is not relevant to the reasons behind your choice to study in Germany. Your family needs is not important to the admissions committee of the university. I suggest you delete this paragraph.

the research and development carried out by the German Aerospace Center (DLR) and Germany's membership in the European Space Agency (ESA) plays the largest role. Its support has contributed towards making Germany's aerospace organization the second-largest in Europe .

- I am looking forward to the time in my education ,or perhaps my future employment in Germany, when I will be able to participate in the...

In another hand unlike the quality of education in Germany, the cost of education lowers than other countries, which it a really attractive place for many competitive students from the 'third world. '

- This statement does not say anything to help your application. Avoid general statements that are irrelevant to the topic.

I came to know about your university through DAAD course finder andone thing that impressed me was the practical aspect of the course work. Another thing that pushed me to apply for masters at your university was that its program designed for consecutive studies that make it ideal for my situation. Lastly, Studying at your multicultural university enables me to improve my interpersonal talents. I would be learning in one of the best universities in Europe.

- through the DAAD course finder. I was impressed by the practical course curriculum and coursework... Studying at your multicultural university will enable me to ...

With such academicperformance and a good score,

- With such exemplary academic performances and scores...

I believe I am the right candidate forthe position in this program.

Also,I believe that masters study will obviously be pretty challenging but at the same time interesting enough to help me overcome the odds of not only studying in a foreign institution but also living a somewhat advanced society.

- Masters studies at your university[..]
.[/quote]
- Again, the officer is not interested in your employment plans. You should only be speaking of work experience gains in this paragraph stemming from your training and experience earned during the course of your education.


Finally, I am convinced that this master program would provide me with the necessary theoretical knowledge and practical skills I will need for a successful business management career in the future.

- You need to further develop this statement by indicating at least a 5 year career plan related to your stay in Germany after graduation
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 9, 2014   #9
The design and manufacture of crafts that can defy the limits of the world, or go beyond the decree of nature, is arguably the pinnacle of engineering in the world today.

- Perhaps air crafts would be a better term to use here since we are discussing aeronautical engineering?

- After some research, Germany turned out to be the best option for my studies since it offers the best economic advantage to families and students such as myself and my family. Not only does the country present a conducive atmosphere for a growing family, but it also offers an academic and employment advantage to people of specific expertise such as myself. I am already looking forward to the day when I will be qualified enough to work for the German Aerospace Center (DLR)

You need to further develop this statement by indicating at least a 5 year career plan related to your stay in Germany after graduation
reply / quote

i don't know what i put instate of that pleas help me on that ....

- I guess I can offer you the following as guide questions:
1. Do you plan to live in Germany after you complete your masters program?
2. Are you hoping to be employed in Germany after graduation? If yes, do you have any particular companies in mind where you wish to work?

3. How will working at those companies help you develop yourself in your craft?
4. What possible innovations and technological advancements do you hope to develop with the help of other German aeronautical engineers?
5. Do you think you can accomplish these goals within 5 years of your masters completion? If so, then you have your 5 year (or more) career plan :-)
OP bashirmai 1 / 5  
Sep 9, 2014   #10
Do you plan to live in Germany after you complete your masters program? yes for log term
2. Are you hoping to be employed in Germany after graduation? If yes, do you have any particular companies in mind where you wish to work? yes - airbus , air Berlin , Lufthansa or maintenance maintenance service companies.

3. How will working at those companies help you develop yourself in your craft?
4. What possible innovations and technological advancements do you hope to develop with the help of other German aeronautical engineers?
Working at the world's leading aircraft manufacturer means being part of a high-performance team where everyday you will exchange ideas and expertise with colleagues from different countries and nationalities, disciplines and backgrounds.

It is an opportunity to help design and manufacture the most eco-efficient, state-of-the-art aircraft. Push the boundaries of technology. Explore possibilities. Work in an environment where everyone has the same goal: to be the best they can possibly be.


5. Do you think you can accomplish these goals within 5 years of your masters completion? If so, then you have your 5 year (or more) career plan :-) yes
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 9, 2014   #11
It is good that you have specific answers to the 5 guide questions that I provided to you. Now comes the editing part that you have to do in your motivational letter. You need to take all of the information that you provided as answers to the guide questions and write it in essay form. You can place this paragraph at the end of your existing motivational letter so that it can serve as your closing statement. Then you can read the letter again, this time in its new format and then judge if you think the motivational letter is already perfect for you. If you feel it is, come back here so that we can help you to further polish it and get it ready for submission :-)
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 9, 2014   #12
- I am looking forward to graduating from your university and then undertaking an impressive career within the German aeronautical field over the next 5 years. I am looking forward to the opportunity... . I will push the boundaries of technology with pioneering developments and designs by exploring all possibilities. I look forward to working with like minded engineers who will push to achieve the same goal: to be the best that we can be. I am hopeful that I will be able to work with Airbus, Air Berlin, or Lufthansa as part of my 5 year career development plan. Hopefully I will be accepted as an intern and then move on to a regular employee position at one of those companies thanks to the excellent training I will receive from your university. I am positive... y our university aeronautical engineering masters program will be an excellent start for an ambitious career person like myself.

Does this work for you? I believe it made the paragraph tighter and more concise goal wise. Thus proving that you intend on staying in Germany for a very long time :-)
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Sep 10, 2014   #13
This is ready for submission. You just need to correct a few grammatical errors I caught in this final version and then it is ready to be sent out :-) These are very minimal edits that you can apply in less than a minute :-)

Studying at your multicultural university will enables me to improve my interpersonal talents. I would be learning in one of the best universities in Europe.

where every dayyou will exchange ideas and expertise with colleagues from different countries and nationalities, disciplines and backgrounds.

- everyday I will exchange...

After applying those corrections, I would like you to read the completed final essay one last time. Just to make sure that you are truly comfortable with the content and do not wish to add or delete any information within the essay. Once you have done that, you can send out the paper :-) Good luck with your application !
OP bashirmai 1 / 5  
Sep 10, 2014   #14
thanks a lot for your advice

This website is great and useful
lcturn87 - / 435 236  
May 15, 2015   #15
I am hoping you will be happy with these suggestions.

1st paragraph:
Don't capitalize internship throughout this letter. There are some spacing issues. Include the first 5 sentences as one paragraph. These sentences talk about your goal to get an internship.

Here is a suggestion to end this paragraph:
"...pursue my internship in a country that has well-established companies who provide good internships in my field of study."

2nd paragraph:
The next 4 sentences need to be one paragraph. Start the sentence this way:
However, I want to explain the reasons why I am applying for acceptance to your company. I would change part of the next sentence to: ..."earn me an internship at your company." The next sentence, change the last few words to: ..."right candidate for this internship". Delete the word "and" after manufacturer in the next sentence. Also, place a comma after manufacturer. You can end this paragraph after you discuss exchanging ideas with different disciplines and backgrounds.

3rd paragraph: When you discuss the impressive career you want in the aeronautical field, I think this should start a new paragraph. You can end it when you describe exploring the possibilities.

4th paragraph: When you begin this next paragraph, place a period at the end of the sentence. I would like to suggest a change in word choice. Would you like to say filled with gratitude and excitement instead of proud and happy?

Is the company within the britches aeronautical field? If this is related to this internship, then you can keep it in the letter. I didn't study engineering in school. Therefore, I want to make sure you have everything in your letter that will help you to gain an internship.


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