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My decision to choose a career in nursing was not a lifelong childhood dream of mine; Statement

BhealthU15 1 / -  
Oct 26, 2014   #1
Hello. I am applying to Direct Entry Nurse Practitioner programs and would love any sort of feedback for my essay. As a direct entry program, you are able to apply with a Bachelor's degree in a non-nursing field. I want to prove to the school that through my experiences, I am well-prepared for the program. Thank you in advance!

The prompt question is: Why are you choosing to pursue a career in advanced practice nursing?
I am not done with the essay, however, I was wondering if this essay is more of a "how" response than a "why?"

My decision to choose a career in nursing was not a lifelong childhood dream of mine nor was it from following the footsteps of my parents. In fact, my interest in nursing began while attending _____ University as a Health Science major. As a major focused around Public Health, I was inspired by the constant changes and development in healthcare. I was in what felt like a generation of a healthcare revolution with all these seemingly new technology that could change the world. With the education I was given, I wanted to give back and help the community in any way possible. However, I was struggling with the idea of pursuing Public Health and Nursing. It was during this time, however, I discovered my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer. Her surgery was scheduled only two weeks before I would leave to study abroad. I did not want to leave my mother behind to recover without her one and only daughter. It felt like it was I who was in emotional and physical pain.

The day before my mother's surgery, the surgeon gave an absolute foreign explanation of the surgery to my family and I. It was a language of medical terminology we were not familiar with. Not only did I become restless, but also knowing I would have to leave in only 2 weeks time, I was rendered anxious and scared leaving everyone behind. Since my father had to work most of the time and my brother would be juggling both school and work, I knew they would not always be there to take care of my mother. Being in such a terrified state, I was even contemplating on taking the semester off just to stay with my mother so I could be with her through her recovery. However, after the, fortunate, successful surgery, the healthcare providers who gave us the most support were the nurses. Even in the hours after the surgery, I was surprised by how much care and attention they were giving my mother. Not only did I witness the care they were giving, but they explained everything to the rest of my family and I in a way we were able to understand. From helping her use the restroom to bringing her Vaseline for her dried lips, they would attend to my mother's needs with the utmost consideration. [It was like watching angels.] Although I felt helpless at times, I watched these nurses in admiration, hoping someday I would be able to give this kind of care to patients of my own. Thanks to the nurses, I knew I would be able to go back to school with ease knowing the nurses would be there for my mother every step of the way.

My inspiration to pursue a nursing career did not stop there. Eager to learn more, I began doing a nursing internship at _______ Hospital, part of the Keck Medicine of USC. Although most of the time I would shadow registered nurses, I was given the opportunity to shadow Janice, a nurse practitioner in the Emergency Room. She was the one and only nurse practitioner in this small hospital, making me feel very honored. I would follow her into the patient's room and observe her interaction with the patients. And whenever the chance was given, we would discuss her passion for her job and my passion to pursue nursing. She would give me information on what being a nurse practitioner was like and how rewarding it was to see her patients recover. I learned so much from observing and conversing with her. It was amazing to see how well she connected with her patients, making them feel at ease. I was also amazed by how she was able to formulate a diagnosis and treat the patient in a swift, yet placid manner despite being in a high stress environment. I couldn't imagine how anyone else could handle every patient and every situation as well as she did. This experience as well as watching the nurses care for my mother solidified my desire to become a nurse practitioner.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 26, 2014   #2
Joanna, don't worry, your essay speaks of the why and not the how of the prompt :-) I understand that this is still a draft but I need to warn you about the wordiness of your essay. It is already too long as it is and contains too much information. I suggest cutting back on the information and concentrating on the why reason of the essay. If you want to get personal then open the essay with the illness of your mother and use that as the driving force behind your desire to become a practical nurse. If you want to get technical, then use the the educational aspect that you mentioned. By concentrating on exactly how you want to portray your image to the admission officer, either as a student with a calling or a caring child wanting to give back to the community, will change the way your essay is presented. Choose one of the two identities to present and build it up for the essay. That way, you can discuss and fully develop the answer that you want to deliver in the prompt. If you divide the reasons behind your desire, the essay will end up being under developed. My advice is, choose how you want to present yourself and then go with it. It is still early enough in the game for your to change your essay. You are still in the drafting stage :-)

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