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Describe a situation where you failed to achieve an objective. What did you learn? (MBA appl. essay)


vincenm 11 / 26  
Mar 14, 2015   #1
Describe a situation where you failed to achieve an objective, and what you learned from it. (Maximum 500 words)

The one aspect that I wanted to understand the most in my professional life is -' what does it takes to be a good leader?'. Hence I am always on lookout for any opportunity where I can display my leadership abilities and learn more on what make a leader good.

Two years into my job, I noticed that a teammate, who had recently joined my team, wasn't pulling his weight at work. He mostly finished his tasks after the deadlines and never handled the interactions with our international clients in an appropriate manner, leaving our superiors dissatisfied.Even though he was technically sound , it was weird that he wasn't performing well. Nonetheless, I didn't bother to talk to him and find out the root of this problem. Besides I didn't want to spend any time doing a task at office that wasn't my responsibility. But after seeing this bad performance continue for few months, I knew it was time that someone indeed stepped up to the plate and had a conversation with him . This was the opportunity I was waiting for where I could influence him such that he becomes a valuable asset of the project in the eyes of the upper management.

I had a candid talk with him where I explained to him the problems of his actions and made it clear that ,if he didn't show any marked improvement in productivity ,he is bound to get bad rating during the annual appraisal. After he realized the repercussions, I started to advise and mentor him and monitor the way he did his tasks to make sure the objective can be achieved. My personal attention was able to improve his productivity and his conduct within couple of months. But despite all my best efforts , I couldn't raise his performance to the level that could have impressed the manager, thus preventing his removal from our project as it went through reorganization. I wasn't happy over the fact that I couldn't achieve the goal I had set for him, leading to his short-lived tenure.

...

Please comment on the content,grammar and structure of the essay.

Thanks in advance.
btrfly7 - / 15 6  
Mar 14, 2015   #2
Hello, Vincenm! What I see here is a great essay. The content is perfect where you were able to stick with the main points in the introductory paragraph. It definitely shows your leadership ability and why you were awarded a mentorship responsibility on the job. This definitely stands out. Just watch your tenses (in this case you have been writing about a past occurrence. It's easy to switch from tenses when we are writing because the situation may seem so real to us at present also. Also one long clause or two long clauses take a comma after it and just before the main clause here such as ... if he didn't show any marked improvement in productivity , he is bound to get bad rating during the annual appraisal. (main clause)

Other than that, the structure and grammar are clear as well. Great going!
OP vincenm 11 / 26  
Mar 15, 2015   #3
Thanks for the great review.

You are right about the tense agreement . I should have read it carefully before posting.


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