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About the description of study experience


irenecc 3 / 1  
Nov 9, 2008   #1
Hi there, one of my friends gave me this nice website for asking advice on academic writing. I wrote my study experience in my sop. Plz give me some suggestions of my sentences.

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As having substantial studying in UCC, My professor,Mac, is well known for his enthusiasm of general education.By learning with him,what inspired me was the mission held by the Presidents in Harvard shaped its unique curriculum. Even there's non-stopping debate on general or professional oriented in the campus, they believed that university is not only a vocation preparation but a place for developing liberal men.If I have a chance, I'd like to undertake this research again since the curriculum design in Harvard has been modified recently,and its next-step development attracts me.

EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 9, 2008   #2
Good morning :)

"As having substantial studying in UCC,This is confusing; please clarify.m y professor, Mac, is well known for his enthusiasm of general education. By learning with him, what inspired me was the mission held by the Presidents in Harvard shaped its unique curriculum.This needs more detailed explanation to be understood by your readers. Even though there is nonstop debate on general or professional oriented in the campusGeneral or professional oriented what? You have a subject here but no predicate, resulting in an incomplete sentence. , they believed that university is not only a vocation preparation but a place for developing liberal men. If I have a chance, I'd like to undertake this research again since the curriculum design in Harvard has been modified recently, and its next-step development attracts me."

I have a few major concerns for this piece. First, there really isn't any flow, so the reader never really "settles into" the piece. I'm not sure what your topic is, because there are many spots that are indiscernible; make sure you are including complete sentences that provide enough information for your reader to understand what you are saying to them. Mechanically, make sure you are placing spaces between your words and between punctuation and your words; there are many instances where letters and punctuation are not properly spaced.

With work, this piece should improve.

Best of luck.
OP irenecc 3 / 1  
Nov 9, 2008   #3
Thanks for your reading and suggestions.


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