My desire to become an accountant began when I was young!

Hello everyone, I just finished the rough draft of my admissions essay and need some feedback. This is the question I need to answer:
What are your short-term and long-term goals, and how do they relate to your pursuit of graduate education at **** University? (500) words

I was first inspired to become an accountant by my older cousin Lena. She was a Chief Accounting officer for a Fortune 500 company for many years. I witnessed the success of a very strong woman within the accounting field and I aspired to follow in her footsteps. As a result, I chose to major in accounting and finance upon my enrollment at ****** College. During my time at ****** College I took many courses in finance, international business, and I even chose Spanish as a second major, all of which sparked my interest in international business. Consequently, I have chosen to pursue a career in international accounting specializing in taxation. For this reason, I am seeking a professional accounting program that will further my professional objectives and fulfill my educational requirements. I sincerely believe that, my education in accounting, finance, and Spanish coupled with my strong desire for professional growth in my interested area, will enable me to successfully complete the Master of Science in accounting program at the ****** School of Business.

My immediate goal is to gain admission to a master's of accounting program with a global focus and will prepare me for a career in international accounting. Therefore, I have chosen to apply to the MSA program at the ****** School of Business because of its involvement in international affairs and culture. The interdisciplinary curriculum at ******University will allow me to further my education in both accounting and international affairs in which my background in Spanish would be an asset. Another goal of mine is to be able to experience international business first hand by traveling and working abroad especially to a country where my Spanish language skills would be an asset. The many study abroad opportunities available to students at ****** would help me fulfill this goal and would allow me to improve my Spanish while learning about business. After obtaining my master degree in accounting, my first goal is to pass the AICPA examination. The curriculum in the MSA program at ****** will permit me to take course necessary for preparing for the CPA exam while allowing me to specialize in taxation as well. Shortly after becoming a CPA I hope to find a job at an accounting firm in the Washington D.C. area. I have chosen to begin my accounting career in Washington, D.C. because it is the center of international activity in the U.S. and will provide me with many great opportunities. Ideally I would prefer a position in which my background in both accounting and Spanish would be an integral part of my job. In this phase of my career I hope to build a strong foundation in tax research and international tax compliance. However, in order to be successful in my chosen field I will have to start from the bottom and work hard to eventually move toward a career in international taxation. After gaining many years of experience I plan to have a career as an international tax manager.

I chose ******University's MS in accounting program because it prepares students to excel in a global business environment. Admission to the ****** school of business will allow me pursue and achieve all of my goals with confidence. Additionally, I feel that relocating to Washington D.C. and furthering my education at ****** University will expose me to incredible career opportunities. All in all, ****** University is the best school to prepare me for a career in international taxation.

^This is your opening sentence and your reader is already presented with an unrealistic, boring cliched, statement.
An interest in numbers and math in general, as a youngster, does not necessarily imply or have any relation to being an accountant.


^What are your professional objectives? That is what the essay prompt is asking for.


^You have not stated clearly, what your goals are.


^This is your goal. Why?


^Add some more detail to suggest how the academic program relates to your interests.


^it defintely does read as a rough draft. There does not seem to be any real interest in wanting to attend this University. You do not specifically point out the benefits of the institution and the program, and how they relate to your goals.

You also, do not give sufficient detail as to what your goals are. Perhaps you can even say, why you have such goals?
Research the program and Uni, and relate the unique aspects of it to yourself and your goals.

Some speakers and writers regard thusly as a pointless synonym for thus, and they avoid it or use it only for humorous effect.

Other wise its got good content.

ok thanks