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"different stages in their diseases" - personal statement for post bacc med program


nontrad201_ 1 / 2  
Aug 31, 2011   #1
Hey guys!
I been really sidetracked also could not find the last revision of my personal statement. Excuse me if some of the corrections are like my first essay. I had a hard drive problem. Here we go

Wheelchairs, insulin, prescription bottles, doctors' appointments, chairlifts, this is what I remember at a very young age about my parents' health conditions. Albeit I had excellent parents, but I always remember them in different stages in their diseases. My mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis shortly after I was born. The medical field did not know much about MS back then. My father was diagnosed with heart disease and diabetes. The doctors found out he had diabetes after my father injured his leg where he worked as a nurses' aide. The doctors tried in vain to get the wound to heal, but it would not. So after being the sole provider of our family, my father who served in WW II, worked at Riverview Hospital after 25 years had to go out on disability, just like my mother earlier.

My parents were older when they had me. My father in his late 40's my mother in her late 30's, while my classmates had younger parents that could play and do physical activities with their children. I had to sit on the sidelines and watch my peers have a good time with their moms and dads. I remember my mother started out walking with a cane as her disease eventually got worse, she was confined to a wheelchair I remember the looks and stares from my classmates because my mother had to walk with her cane or be pushed in her wheelchair. I remember having to sign things for my mother or thread needles because the MS would cause her hands to tremor very violently. Sometimes I would have to put my hand on top of her's to keep it steady. My father's health was waning as well, I remember I had to read things for my father if the print was small. I was young, so I could not understand why I had to read something to the person who taught me how to read. At that age I did not know, the diabetes was slowly robbing him of his eyesight, which later turned into glaucoma. I recall I had to a note from a teacher because I was misbehaving in class, so not only did I get disciplined, I had to my own death warrant!

Watching my parents battle with their diseases, I asked myself at a young age what is broken in my parents? Why weren't the doctors able the doctors just fix them up and make them all better. Why do they have to take all this medication? I started reading books about the body. I would read the literature that my parents would bring back from the doctors or try to read the medical journals that were left around in the lobby as I waited while my parents to be seen. Because, if the doctors were not going to help them, one day I would when I became a doctor.

My mother died on Thanksgiving morning; I was ten years old. I became an angry and resentful child because I could not understand why she had to leave me. I had a young African-American female pediatrician, by the name of Dr. Young to listen to me. I could not understand why my parents' body were not well. She would show me diagrams in her office and tell me to point to certain parts of my body, of in terms I could understand. She did not talk to me as a baby, she explained that certain organs in my father could not produce insulin correctly, that is why you see him taking needles and your mother had a condition that affected her nervous system that is why she would fall down or her hands would tremble. Dr. Young also explained sometimes doctors can help people when they are not feeling well but sometimes people die because we cannot help them. She was huge influence that shaped my decision to be come a physician.

So that brings the question, Why do you want to be a doctor?
Although, I am interested in the workings of the human body, diseases, the circle of life in general. As I got older, I would listen to my friends or family's maladies. Then I would research their symptoms and "diagnose" them, a lot of times I was correct. There was one time where I wish I was not. I was with a group of friends. My friend Sandy kept complaining of blood in her stool and asked me what it might be, I knew this was not a good sign, but I thought positive and told her maybe she had hemorrhoids. I searched through the medical book out and read the symptoms, the causes and to seek medical attention immediately. Sandy was a vivacious Drexel graduate in her mid twenties, starting a new fashion career in New York City was diagnosed with cancer. It metastasized very quickly on her internal organs, she died an agonizing death shortly after. That devastated me to the point I threw the book in the trash, as if I sealed her fate. My friends told me if I would not have investigated and told her about her condition, she would have died much sooner. Even though that was no consolation to me, I knew that early prevention would probably have given Sandy more time.

In 2009, I became homeless due to a house fire, I became sick and was in and out many hospitals while recuperating. A lot of these doctors were very young but determined to aid their patients. The decision that made me look at Drexel's postbaccualrate program was while I was living on the street, During code blue weather, I would sometimes stay at a Eliza Shirley homeless shelter for Women, The Drexel med students would visit us. I remember some of the first smiling faces were the medical students that would come to the shelter to treat us. The students treated the residents with respect , they genuinely wanted to know what could possibly be bothering us that day, while a resident looked on and advised them. The medical staff would dispense medicines if they had them or they would refer us to a free medical center to get medicine. Some of the women there would have several maladies, and the students would listen and help. I could see in their eyes they had the same drive as me to become good doctors. This is the why I would like to become a part of Drexel's prestigious medical program.

Although I can cite many experiences that give me the burning desire to want to become a physician. Of course I do want to help people. I can only explain it as a drive to improve the health of my patient and teach prevention and how the body functions. I want to have a compassionate interpersonal relationship with my patient to discuss a plan to keep them healthy and to prevent further diseases. Because medicine is a forever learning process. I would like to shadow other medical professionals so I can be exemplary in my craft and learn new skills. Preferably I would like to keep a professional relationship throughout their lifetime.

I have my heart set on being a family doctor, with a practice right in my neighborhood or in my community, I would like to encourage other young African-American girls like me to consider a career in the sciences or medicine. In my practice, I will educate individuals of all ages on how to stay healthy and offer free terminal illness services to those who cannot afford healthcare. I would also like to do home visits especially for individuals who live alone and elderly. I believe there is still a need for the "good doctor", to be accessible to the community and patients to be intimate with the person treating them.

Things I enjoy is to write, I like to write short stories edit work or scripts, I have edited three short stories that are being considered becoming science fiction shows on the SyFy channel. With my love of writing, I hope I will be able to write an article in a medical journal about getting closer to deadly diseases. As I stated before, one of my short term goals are to open my own family practice. Medicine is a challenging career that makes sense to me, it's amazing what the human body can endure but yet be so fragile. The world of medicine has not even scratched the surface of new procedures and technology to cure and aid humanity. I would like to be the first to know of these new procedures to help my patients and give them the best care that medical science can offer.

Also to give back to my community becoming a general practitioner who makes house calls. I know this journey will be arduous, but with great responsibility comes great sacrifice.
OP nontrad201_ 1 / 2  
Aug 31, 2011   #2
This a very rough draft I wrote on 8/31/11 I was already told that I did not sell myself. I need something that will stand out from the pack. I do not have alot of medical experience, but I do have a passion for medicine and the human body. So I want the admission office to take notice! Thanks
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Sep 1, 2011   #3
Janeen,

I think you are off to a great start. The trials and tribulations of your parents provide a solid base for which to start a personal statement as to why Med school. However, your essay has serious flaws and a tremendous amount of grammatical errors. First off, you would need to talk more about why Med School and why Med School now and not 20 years ago. Secondly, you will want to make your statements stronger. You do not want to seem as someone who all of a sudden said, " Hey, I have nothing to do...Maybe I should try to become a Doctor." Lastly, you should always avoid using the phrase - "bloody stool" in personal statements - there is a high chance the A.O might read your essay while eating. - admissions essay advice
Stasiam 4 / 7  
Sep 1, 2011   #4
Albeit I had excellent parents, but I always remember them

Do not think you need the but...just the comma will suffice!

Great essay so far! I like the introduction it really catches the reader's attention and shows why you have a passion for this
OP nontrad201_ 1 / 2  
Sep 1, 2011   #5
(tears) Thanks guys!,
I am taking all of your critiques down for the second rough draft (groan). I may be off the site for awhile because I am trying to see if I should take the MCAT or GREs. So I go on Kaplan to do practice tests. Please, if you see any grammatical errors ( I rarely make spelling errors), feel free to mark it to pieces. I want to get in!!!
amanda guo 5 / 8  
Oct 30, 2011   #6
I think this is a persuasive essay. Becasue I have some problems with my grammar I'm sorry I can't give ur some grammar advice. I like ur last sentence very much.


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