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DPT Personal Significance Essay --- needs some shortening

arernst 1 / 1  
Oct 26, 2010   #1
In the midst of applying to Nova Southeastern University... One of my essays way 300characters too long. it needs some trimming, to be at 2000 characters MAX.

"Please describe any special circumstances regarding your personal or educational experiences that you would like the admissions committee to know about."

My life has always been fueled by my motivation to accomplishing things. I believe it has always been my purpose to contribute to the welfare others. So, if I am given the opportunity to help others, I take it.

While I was an undergraduate at the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh, I was employed at the University's fitness center for three years. I found that I liked working in this type of environment. I was promoted to supervisor after a year of being employed. Being a supervisor gave me the opportunity to be part of the planning committee. The committee assembled to plan for the brand new 21 million dollar, 105 thousand square foot Student Recreation and Wellness Center (SRWC).

As a chair member on the committee I was able to cast decisions on proposals and voice my opinion on things that the student body would want in their wellness center. I was noticed as a proactive member, and was asked to join other committees later that year that reviewed, screened, and ultimately hired the 2 head positions in the facility, Director and Strength & Conditioning Coordinator. Through these opportunities, I was able to meet and work alongside the university's vice-chancellor as well as many other contributing faculty members of the University.

The new wellness center was opened my senior year as a student at UW-Oshkosh, and I continued my student employment now as a strength and conditioning assistant in the brand new fitness center. I was also an active member of the advisory committee that over sought changes and updates amended to the wellness center's busy new agenda. In commendation for the efforts put forth by those who helped create the wellness center, many of us had our names engraved on a plague, forever placed at the front entrance to the Student Recreation and Wellness Center.

My time spent working for the university and all of the committees I held chairs in were all great accomplishments for me as a student at UW-Oshkosh. I was entrusted with responsibilities that would ultimately affect the lives of every student part of that community, and knowing that my contribution has helped progressed every student that has walked through the doors of that facility, gives me a feeling of great pride and significance knowing that my contribution made a difference in modernizing the campus for future students to enjoy.

thanks again, i'll check back later today :)
OP arernst 1 / 1  
Oct 26, 2010   #2
sorry if I submitted this as a *noob on the board. please let me know if I should post additional details, etc...

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