Drosophila mutants. Margin indent and SOP review PhD genetics

Hey! I cant understand if each new paragraph is to be indented or not. Also, these are the first 3 paras of my SOP. I am a little unsure about the grammar here. any suggestions would be appreciated.

Built on Challenge

She had a unique perspective to each poem I taught, but she would stutter so much that it was hard to engage with her. Today, one and half years later, she leads the debate team in the school.

As a Teach for India fellow, teaching in a low-income community in suburban Mumbai, every such challenge pushes me out of my comfort zone. Having taken 2 years to solve India's most pressing challenge- educational inequity, I am now ready to solve research problems and help people lead quality lives. With an undergraduate degree in biochemistry and a Masters in biotechnology, I now desire to further my knowledge by pursuing a PhD at the University of __. The PhD program in -- promises to broaden my knowledge base and challenge me to work harder. With its highly collaborative, interdisciplinary training environment and world-class scientists carrying out cutting edge research it fits my long term vision of tapping the potential in genetics towards finding an affordable cure to every single genetic disorder.

Genetics sparked my interest in the final year of my undergraduate biochemistry program when I saw a stock of Drosophila mutants for the first time. As part of our undergraduate project we spent a year maintaining Drosophila stocks, studying these mutants, isolating salivary glands and comparing the composition of mutant and wild eye pigments using chromatography. Fascinated with the study of complex inheritance patterns, I spent hours in the library exploring it in detail. The more I read, the more convinced I became that in the coming years genetics would revolutionize modern medicine, and I wanted to be part of this revolutionary field.

I wasn't quite clear on whether I wanted to play this part; as a researcher or as a genetic counselor. To clear up this indecision, I decided to spend my winter vacations shadowing Dr. --, a genetic counselor at --. It was there that I met the mother of an 11-year old girl afflicted with a developmental disorder that caused severe mental retardation. The answers to this woman's distress/ unhappiness lay in a defected chromosome that had been passed on to her child. The woman revealed that she had had a son with similar symptoms who was 'let go' by her husband because of his illness and their financial inability to support it. She was petrified that her daughter may face a similar fate.

As I sat in that room feeling the mother's helplessness, I could not help but wonder, had there been an existing solution, could we have saved the child from that miserable fate, and consequently saved a family? In a country like India where consanguinity is a deep- rooted social trend among several communities, the statistics of children born with congenital disorders like Down's Syndrome, Thalassemia and Sickle cell anemia are staggering. Although molecular techniques have made diagnosis faster and easier, modern techniques are still incongruent with practical medicine. I noticed this repeatedly during my time at --, and it solidified my decision to pursue a PhD in the field of genetics, where I can be part of the solution to a problem instead of just creating awareness about the problem.

With new found clarity, I plunged myself into research, taking up projects in the field of genetics to expand my knowledge of bench research techniques. One of the projects I worked on at Aristogene Biosciences aimed at detecting Alu inserts in humans and its role in causing diseases. The high incidence of this transposable element in even a randomly-selected small population surprised me. I was pushed to think about the impact that these inserts would cause in day to day life.

My internship experiences helped me design protocols, interpret scientific data and refine my research interests to studying the genetic basis of diseases and new modes for therapy. For this reason, even though my university traditionally works on enzymes, I chose to do my Master's thesis on APOA1 polymorphism in patients of CAD, the leading cause of death worldwide. I started my work well before the stipulated time, standardizing protocols with my own blood sample until I could actually collect patient samples. Since it wasn't officially the year of my dissertation, I had to balance coursework and my project. I spent every waking minute either studying literature or working in the lab. Seeing my dedication and hard-work, my guide -- secured funds for me from IGMC Shimla, even though they usually do not fund Masters Students. Ready with my DNA samples by this time, I set out to amplify the region I wanted to study. However, even after repeated trials at amplification, I failed to get the desired results. For 9 months, I kept trying every possible combination, reaching out to various professors working with human DNA- but success continued to evade me. At this point, disappointment and helplessness began creeping in. I questioned my choice of this topic, knowing the risk involved. My submission deadline was fast approaching, but submitting a half-finished project would have been tantamount to giving up.

Mustering up courage, I decided to restart my project from scratch. I isolated fresh DNA with a new methodology (at State forensic lab, Himachal Pradesh) and within 3 months successfully identified polymorphisms in the disease that could lead to high risk of CAD in people. Though the journey was long and demanding, it taught me how to persevere despite numerous difficulties; and I feel proud to have seen the project to its end.

It was during this time that I happened to come across a Teach for India advertisement asking India's brightest and most committed graduates to take up the challenge to fight educational inequity. I was immediately fascinated with their model for building life-long leaders while working with the various stakeholders like students, principals etc. With Teach For --'s model of change, I knew that I could put these children on a life changing path through education, and stay connected to my life purpose of helping people lead quality lives. Hence, I decided to take two years to serve as a full-time teacher to children from low-income communities in Mumbai.

Teaching in an under-resourced school without a blueprint to follow proved to be a 2-year long, hands-on research experiment in itself. I found myself facing unique problems every day and had to put in hours of research daily just to stay on top of things. That, combined with my zeal to continuously learn and evolve, helped me achieve one of the highest growths amongst all classrooms across --- city. To widen my impact, I helped other school teachers adapt more effective methods of teaching. I also pushed my class to teach younger children, to the effect that they can now read on their own. In order to build our research acumen, we are currently learning to conduct research by studying the sleeping pattern of fruit flies.

Overall, trying to build a culture of hard work and excellence in my class has been one of the most grueling experiences of my life. However, it has helped me grow exponentially as a person and leader, greatly enhancing my critical thinking and problem solving skills. My time as a -- fellow, along with my diverse research experiences, has given me the confidence to adapt to new environments and learn techniques rendering me equipped to design plan and execute projects independently. Having become familiar with the amount of dedication and hard work essential for project advancement, I am more focused on my goal of becoming an excellent researcher than I ever have been. I know I have the commitment to get through long lab hours and the perseverance to continue in spite of lab failures.

My interaction with various people across different economic strata, has given me the confidence to work well with other people. Being the only teacher in the classroom and the sole person behind my Masters dissertation, I can function well independently and thus be a productive member of a research team. Most importantly, teaching creatively to encourage holistic development and spread the joy of learning has taught me how to be a facilitator rather than a teacher, and I strongly desire to continue to teach as a Teaching Assistant in your department, utilizing my two years of experience to the advantage of both your department and myself.

With 130 labs in diverse research areas, a rigorous curriculum with numerous choices of electives subjects the PhD program at University of -- is the perfect choice to further my research career. The intensive research work especially at Dr -- and Dr --and the seminars with internationally renowned scientists will set strong foundations fpr my reesarch career.

Moreover, the 600 plus student groupswill provide me holistic development, helping me in my future endeavors. I hope the skills and experience that I have accrued throughout my academic lifetime have made me worthy to pursue my interest in genetics. I look forward in to translating my experiences from the field and lab into concrete research work in your university.

hai komal
I have some suggestions for you
hope it helps

... perspective to each poem that I taught,


Ph.D. be careful when you put a title


it is better using broaden my horizon

... in the final year ofinmy undergraduate ofbiochemistry program when I saw


more and more I read, it makes me more convincing

thanks

Komai, you can use indentations in the paragraph if you wish to. It is not a requirement for writing Statement of Purpose essays because, while it is an academic paper, it is not a formal research paper. Therefore, the rules are relaxed in terms of writing the essay and the format. Just make sure that you have at least 1 inch margins on all sides and provide for ample space between paragraphs so that the reader will not feel like he does not have room to move his eyes across the page.

It would be best if you write the complete essay for us to review instead of having us review the first 3 paragraphs. Also, provide us with the complete prompt requirement for the proper assessment of your essay. At the moment, we cannot really judge how well you have written the essay or where you should improve because it is still a work in progress. It would be easier to give you comments and suggestions after you have completed a rough draft of the paper.

Komai, I do believe that you are running over the word limit for a Statement of Purpose. It normally takes only 500 - 750 words or 2 pages, single spaced to complete this discussion. With 1508 words I know that you are not just over the limit. But you are also over complicating and over discussing topics in your essay. You are treating this as a narrative essay that gives your autobiography when it shouldn't be doing that. Here is my advice cut down on the word count. Aim for 500 words instead. When an essay is too long, there is a greater chance that the reviewer will not finish reading your paper. So keep the information brief, relevant, and interesting in presentation. Otherwise, the reviewer may not finish reading your paper at all.

You have given too much attention to the backstory of your career interest and development. There is no need to cite events as they happened and why they happened as in this case. That just leads to redundancy and a loss of interest in the part of the reviewer. So pick out one important background story, one research presentation, and one academic background explanation instead.

I am asking you to focus on just one of each because you have a tendency to become too wordy in your presentations. Just be specific and direct to the point. As my professor used to tell me "KISS IT!" That means, "Keep It Short Silly!" You should summarize your exposure to other people in relation to the development of your research. The important thing is that you present the "question" that your research (hopefully) successfully responded to. If you wish you can present 2 research presentations. Just make sure to keep it short and only within the 500 word maximum I am suggesting.

You have to properly space your paragraphs as well. The immense wordiness and lack of spacing in between paragraphs had me almost giving up on finishing your essay. That is the difference between me and the actual reviewer. I chose to stay and finish your essay even with all of its problems. A university reviewer, will only give your essay a few minutes of reading time. If you don't catch his interest through a more thought out essay presentation, he is going to leave your essay and move on.

So, shorten the essay by summarizing your paragraphs. Vet your experience and research experience and just present one or two of the most important ones in summary form. Don't spend too much time on the back story. Just mention it in passing, one or two sentences at the most then go directly to the research information it is relevant to. That should help you better focus the essay for now. We are probably looking at a few more revisions before your essay becomes ready to use.

Holt!
Thank you for the detailed review! I will give it more thought, edit the backstory, shorten it and post it back here.

@gene29
I have re-drafted my SOP and made it much shorter. Let me know what you think of it now?
Your help is much appreciated :)

In January 2013, while shadowing ---, a renowned genetic counselor at xyz, place, I met the mother of an eleven year old girl afflicted with a chromosomal disorder that caused severe mental retardation. The woman revealed that she had earlier given birth to a son with similar symptoms who was 'let go' by her husband because of the son's illness and their financial inability to support it. She was petrified that her daughter may face a similar fate. As I sat in that room feeling the mother's helplessness, I could not help but wonder, had a solution existed, could we have saved the child from that miserable fate, and consequently saved a family?

Genetics first sparked my interest in the final year of my undergraduate biochemistry program when I saw a stock of Drosophila mutants for the first time. As part of my undergraduate project, I spent a year maintaining Drosophila stocks, studying mutants, isolating salivary glands and comparing the composition of mutant and wild-eye pigments using Thin Layer Chromatography. Fascinated with the study of complex inheritance patterns, I spent hours in the library exploring them, slowly becoming convinced that in the coming years genetics would revolutionize modern medicine. And I wanted to be part of this revolution.

In India, where consanguinity is a deep-rooted social trend among several communities, the number of children born with congenital disorders like Down's syndrome, thalassemia and sickle cell anemia are staggering. This fact and an inclination towards genetics compelled me to choose my master's thesis on APOA1 polymorphism in patients of Coronary Artery Disease, even though my university traditionally works on enzymes.

For my master thesis I started my work well ahead of schedule by standardizing protocols with my own blood sample until I could collect patient samples. Impressed by my dedication, my guide Dr---- secured funds for my project from -- that made an exception to their rule of not funding master's students. Ready with my DNA samples, I then set out to amplify the APOA1 gene. For 9 months, I tried every possible approach to amplify the gene. andI even reached out to several professors working with human DNA for guidance. However, despite repeated trials, I failed to amplify the APOA1 gene, causing uncertainty to seep in, and making me question even the choice of my thesis.

With the submission deadline fast approaching I had to make a choice between submitting a half-finished project and starting one from scratch. I chose the latter, and isolated fresh DNA using Fast Technology for Analysis (FTA). Within 3 months, I had successfully identified polymorphisms that could lead to high risk of Coronary Artery Disease. Though the journey was long and demanding, it taught me how to persevere despite numerous difficulties and I feel proud to have seen the project to its end.

It was during this time that I happened to come across a Teach For India (TFI) advertisement asking India's brightest and most committed graduates to take up the challenge to fight education inequity. I was immediately fascinated with their model for building life-long leaders while working with the various stakeholders like parents, school principals and government officials. With TFI's model of change, I knew that I could put children on a life changing path through education, and stay connected to my life purpose of helping people lead quality lives. Hence, I decided to take two years off to serve as a full-time teacher to children from low-income communities in Mumbai.

It is here that I met Reshma, a student in my seventh grade classroom. She would think of a unique perspective to every poem I taught, but would stutter so much while speaking in front of the class that it was hard to engage with her. One and half years and many grueling hours later, Reshma now leads the debate team in our school.

Teaching in an under-resourced school without a blueprint to follow has proved to be a two-year- long, hands-on experiment in itself. I found myself facing unique problems every day and had to put in several hours of research daily just to stay on top of things. That, combined with my zeal to continuously learn and evolve, helped me achieve one of the highest growths in Mathematics and English amongst all TFI classrooms across Mumbai city. In order to build research acumen, in my students, we are currently learning to conduct research by studying the sleeping pattern of fruit flies.

In summary, trying to build a culture of hard work and excellence in my class has been one of the most grueling experiences of my life, but I believe I've come out of it a stronger individual. I now wish to carry this energy back to the field of genetics, where although molecular techniques have made diagnosis faster and more accurate, we are still far from effective treatment of the diagnosed disorders. I noticed this repeatedly during my time at St. John's, and it solidified my decision to pursue a PhD in the field of genetics, where I can be part of the solution, designing research to find solutions to the problem.

With one-on-one mentorship with from experts in my field and a rigorous research curriculum which encourages innovation, the PhD program at ----University is the perfect choice to further my research career. With its highly collaborative, interdisciplinary training environment and world-class scientists conducting cutting- edge research, it fits my long term vision of tapping the potential in genetics towards finding an affordable cure to every single genetic disorder. The ongoing work in your department is well aligned with my interest of studying the genetic basis of diseases and finding a cure to them. I am especially interested in -- work on how non-canonical translation pathways shape cell growth and differentiation and Dr. -- work on diagnosing damage to mitochondrial DNA.

I hope the skills and experience that I have accrued throughout my academic lifetime have made me worthy enough to pursue my interest in genetics. I look forward to translating my experiences from the field and lab into concrete research work in your university.

Komai, you should remove the anecdote that you are sharing at the beginning of the essay. It doesn't really figure itself back into the essay in your later discussions as you begin to refer to other experiences with other children, all of which better align with the purpose of your interest in a PhD course. Omitting that paragraph will allow your essay to come across as more informative and focused in terms of information presentation.

Don't over complicate the essay by relying too much on back stories. That is because the stories do not matter as much as your academic accomplishments that will prove your ability and readiness to undertake more complicated PhD courses. If possible, you should try to enhance the essay by connecting your current research with your future studies and explain how this course will hopefully, help you better research and respond to the questions that arise from your current research project.

@Holt
I thought that the first para should immediately engage the reader. Cool! I will remove it then.

If possible, you should try to enhance the essay by connecting your current research with your future studies and explain how this course will hopefully, help you better research and respond to the questions that arise from your current research project. Where do you think this bit should come in? Do you mean throughout the essay? Or just in the last paragraph ?

I think that the best place to reveal that information is after the paragraph about the deadline fast approaching. This presentation should have a stand alone paragraph so that you can fully develop the discussion regarding the research plan, opportunities, and possible outcomes in a well connected manner. It is important that your essay show a logical plan of study, research, and results because you are trying to prove that you have the talent, skills, and devotion to making your dissertation a reality. A PhD in your line of study is hard enough to complete without the research, so showing how you will continue the build upon your practical skills via research will certainly impress the reviewer.

Keep in mind that you have to edit the content when you present the research. So the story that you told beneath the deadline approaching should be removed from the essay. We should only focus on the facts, your skills, and background in relation to the PhD course. The anecdotes, all of it, have to be removed because it only takes up your word count which can be used for other important fact presentations.

@Holt
Ok. Got it. I will be removing the paragraph and adding my research goals etc. Thank you for your help again.