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Duke twenty five facts about me - required Essay in the application to MQM program at Fuqua

Kate_Gu 1 / - 1  
Nov 27, 2016   #1
Hi guys, my name is Kate and I am applying for the MQM program at Fuqua. I'm new here. And since the DDL is approaching, I'm seeking help to check grammer and tell me if the content is appropriate or not. So please point out the mistakes in grammer and give your opinion about what kind of person I am after reading my list. Thanks a lot!

The "Team Fuqua" spirit and community is one of the things that set the Fuqua experience apart, ...
In this spirit, the Admissions Committee also wants to get to know YOU - beyond the professional ...

My list:
1. When I was born, my father gave me a name "心宇". "心" means the "horizon" and "宇" means the "universe" in English. Although he passed away when I was 5 years old, his hope that I would grow up as an elegant lady with broad horizon has kept motivating me to live up to it.

2. My hometown is in the northeast province of China. It is adjacent to Beijing. Unfortunately, it is famous of the heavy smog, which ignited my interest in the sustainability concept.

3. My mother is a teacher. Thanks to her vocation, she and I have visited 22 out of 34 provinces in China in the summer or winter vacation.

4. I was never late for anything. Every time there is something important, such as an internship interview, I will arrive 15 minutes in advance and find a mirror to give myself a big smile!

5. I'm most productive when I'm under pressure. That's the reason why I could learn how to use Matlab within a week and crack the case in China Undergraduate Mathematical Contest in Modeling.

6. Although I always prepared in advance, I was never relaxed before the final exams and I would prepare until the last minute.

7. Gary Becker sparked my interest in interdisciplinary subjects. From him, I started to realize that the knowledge of one specific subject can also be applied to some other areas.

8. In my opinion, all-rounders and specialists deserve equal respect. I want to start my career as the former one and end as the latter.

9. I got full mark on the math subject in the National College Entrance Examination. There were only two including me who got full mark out of 84055 exam takers in my city.

10. I financed my undergraduate education by doing part-time job, doing internship, gaining the scholarship and making investment.

11. My favorite sport is hiking. I plan to accomplish the Appalachian Trail by segment visit during my master degree period.

12. I love technology and new electronic devices. The next advanced technology I will try is the VR device. But I still prefer the paper books to the Kindle.

13. I love Airbnb and Uber. Meeting strangers and sharing different views are fascinating to me. Last summer, I visited Los Angeles alone and lived in a local musician's house. We even played the piano together.

14. My favorite game is Werewolf, a strategy game. I held monthly game night with my friends during my college life.

15. I invest more in leather DIY tools than in make-up. Last month, I made a new wallet for my boyfriend as a birthday gift.

16. Roller Coaster is my favorite in the amusement park! That's the reason why Six Flags ranks NO.1 on my list of amusement parks.

17. I like to learn things by myself. After mastering how to play the piano, I learnt how to play the guitar and mouth organ. My friend once made a joke: you may even form a band yourself one day.

18. I have excellent memory. I could recite most poems written by my favorite Chinese poet-Bai Li. And you will never be lost when following me because I can remember every route I have ever been.

19. Have you ever seen the Forbidden City without anyone else? I did. The secret is that you get up early, wait until the gate opens and run!

20. Time management is also my habit. I divide the whole day into three parts- morning, afternoon and evening. Two of them are used for study or work and the rest one is used for rest. In this way, I can maximize my efficiency.

21. I have kept a routine to write film reviews for the movies that interest me for 7 years.

22. I have practiced piano since I was 4. Although I was forced to practice a lot and show off to guests, I have to admit that the patience and persistence cultivated by the practice mean a lot to me.

23. I had hotpot in the mountains with teammates in the hiking club on the coldest day of last year!

24. I am always standing by to help others. In my spare time, volunteer work is on the top of my list.

25. You can tell my star sign within several minutes. I'm a typical Sagittarius. Positive, full of energy, independent and eager to expand my range beyond the comfortable and familiar are my obvious traits.

Feel free to make any comment! Thank you again!

Holt - / 7,530 2001  
Nov 27, 2016   #2
Kate, I have to say, the information that the applicants are presenting to Duke are starting to become uniform. There is so much similarity in the way that you have written this paper with the others that I have recently reviewed that the content could be mistaken as having been simply paraphrased. In order to avoid uniformity of content with the other applicants. Let's try to vary your information I'll list the points that you should replace because it is too similar to the others and you can try to think of something to replace it with. In other instances, I will advise you to change or improve the content for a specific reason. I'll be going by number for your convenience.

1. Since the reader is not familiar with the Chinese calligraphy characters, you should try to present something more interesting about your birth. Maybe you have a birthmark or something that the others feel is makes you special. Or maybe you were born on a Chinese holiday. Try to find something that the reviewer can better relate to.

2. Everyone so far has spoken of where they came from. There is nothing special about what you are saying about yourself in that statement so find something else to talk about.

7. Gary Becker has already been mentioned by other applicants. Isn't there someone else who could have inspired you to pursue this line of education? You can't have all been inspired by the same person. This information could form reader fatigue and it won't mean anything to the reviewer anymore because of the constant mention of this person by the different applicants.

8. What you state is mostly an opinion instead of trivia about your personality. Try to remain light and don't focus on academics or a profession in your trivia list.

21. Can you explain why you are keeping a log of your reviews of the movies? It doesn't make any sense to the reader but sounds like it has the potential to show a fun side of you so you should develop it some more.

23. I'm not sure why having hot pot during the coldest day of the year counts as interesting trivia for you. Can you explain why it is remarkable? If not, replace the trivia.

25. Not everyone in the West believes in astrology so indicating your astrological sign may fall upon deaf ears and not really count as interesting trivia about you. After all, not everyone has to be a Sagittarius to have the character traits you indicate. One can simply have been born that way.

Please address these concerns first. Once the content is final, I can help you with a better presentation for each trivia in the list, that includes grammar improvement.

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