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Duke University Business Analytics Application Essay - Extracurricular Engagement

yuminzhang 1 / -  
Oct 7, 2019   #1

engagement outside of the classroom

For our MQM: Business Analytics class, the Admissions team is looking for students who are eager to engage with, and learn from, their classmates. This learning takes place both inside and outside the classroom, as extracurricular engagement is an important part of the MQM experience. Describe how you would plan to be engaged outside of the classroom, and how your unique perspective, experiences, and passions will add to the MQM community.

Fuqua School of Business offers such various types of diversity clubs as Asian Business Club, International Business Club, and FuquaPride. Each of them focuses on specific concept and mission, yet all closely related to culture and business development. I am eager to share my unique perspective and to build interpersonal connection with the greater Fuqua community. I am also hoping to engage in activity clubs such as FuquaFit and Building Outdoor Leaders at Duke (BOLD). Balancing academic study and personal life is important to me. As I like to work out and do outdoor activities consistently, these two clubs will be the ideal choices to enrich my spare time. I also appreciate that there are many professional organizations within the Fuqua community. I am planning to strengthen my programming skills such as R, Python, and MATLAB by engaging in the Tech Club, which provides resources including code seminars and tech trend podcasts.

Coming to the U.S. at an age of 16 has changed my life drastically. While I had to adapt different environment and culture, I also got the chance to serve on the International Student Leadership Team. I have built decent relationships with international students from around the world, and also developed cultural intelligence. The study abroad experience has made such tremendous influence on shaping my worldview and perspective of culture, while also strengthened my adaptability, curiosity, and enthusiasm. Additionally, I worked as an Event Planner in the Fundraising department of Chinese Philanthropic Leadership Association (CPLA). I had the opportunities to lead the team discussions, plan budgets, communicate with sponsors, create and deliver marketing campaigns. The experience did not only enrich my college life, but also prepare me well for future career. I have developed many skills such as leadership, teamwork, multitasking, and strategic thinking. I appreciate the Fuqua Family mission of being supportive, collaborative, and immersive by offering experiences that create shared identity, while still meet unique demands of different members in the community. If I become a member of the MQM community, I will bring my unique vision and general passion for culture to the community.

Maria - / 1,102 389  
Oct 9, 2019   #2
Welcome to the forum. I hope this feedback becomes helpful for your writing endeavors. If it is, don't hesitate to approach us again for more input.

Firstly, the introductory paragraph was quite baffling to say the least. The components of the writing were organized in a confusing manner - what I would suggest primarily is that you try to take it step by step. When you're dividing and segregating essays, it would be smart if you did it thematically so varied portions have their own space to shine.

The last paragraph also needs a bit of work, considering that the flow appeared to be quite messy. I would opt that you try to follow a more structured formatting (ie. outline prior to writing). This will make your writing a lot better.

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