Here is my application essay for MSc Economics & Finance
Based on the form, the task is to write about your (1) special academic interest and (2) motivation for pursuing graduate studies
Any comment would be greatly appreciated. Please comment on the content, style, syntax, grammar, and tone of the essay. The limit is 4500 characters and my essay is just scores of characters away from the limit.
There are also a couple of dangling sentences. I'm not sure how to deal with it because for me it brings a certain tone to the sentence because it kind of emphasizes what the sentence is trying to say. Any suggestions of how to correct it without losing the tone?
The desire to pursue economics started with a book my brother bought for me in 2007, it was "Freakonomics" by Levitt and Dubner. It gave me the notion that the purpose of economics is to answer "why" questions, of why the thing are the way they are. The experience that led me to realize that I wanted to study economics was an econometrics project I did when I went to National University of Singapore, NUS, as an exchange student in the Fall of 2009. We were tasked to do a simple linear regression as a project. I chose the variables GDP and the number of top universities of a country, the latter being the regressor. The result was a strong positive relationship. The neoclassical and new growth theories are attempts to explain "why" economies grow. Even with just a simple regression, I added evidence for those theories. I was happy not so much because the professor commended my work and gave it an A+/A, but rather that I found myself enjoying the process of surveying literature and collecting & analyzing data.
From a notion, I gradually recognized that economics is really, as Levitt would say, a science with excellent tools to answer questions. But more than that, I'm attracted to economics because economists have a unique way of looking at the world. A mindset that pierces through the seemingly chaotic human behavior. Concepts such as there-is-no-free-lunch and comparative advantage are ingrained into their thinking. These make pursuing graduate studies a must for me. Not only to gain more knowledge of existing theories but to also the mindset and skills to apply economics to any discipline. This is why I was glad to learn of Warwick's CRETA, it shares my view that economics is an interdisciplinary subject.
I'm currently into financial economics. I was fascinated by the connection between finance & economics when I was doing my internship for an U.S. equity research firm based in the Philippines. Assigned to monitor several stocks and developments in the economy, I learned how even comments by Fed officials can create serious volatility in the markets. I used to think that finance is all about solving, but real-world finance, as I have learned, is inseparable from human behavior and politics. In line with this, I aim to increase my grasp of econometrics to deal with complications of pooled financial data; as well as get a command over quantitative models of international policy and trade. Another impetus for pursuing graduate studies is that after a stint in finance I aspire to be a professor teaching in the areas of finance & economics. My aim in teaching economics is not only to impart theories to students but, more importantly, the mindset and tools of an economist. So that after the semester is done, they can go off on their own asking and answering their own questions.
My undergraduate degree focused on applying operations research, which includes linear & non-linear programming and graph theory, to business. At this time I am currently studying for the CFA Level II exam, having passed Level I on the first try last December. I am confident that these have provided me with the necessary background and analytical framework to pursue an MSc in Economics and Finance. One would notice that my GPA for mathematics and first year were only average. In addition to adjusting to college during my first year, I was placed in advanced mathematics and had insufficient study skills. But I was able to transition well as can be seen in my GPA increasing the following years. Furthermore, my GPA in economics, finance, statistics, and operations research courses average above 3.6 (3.5 would be the equivalent of Upper second class honors).
I got excited after reading the profiles of international students, especially those featured in Shine. This reverberates closely with my experience in NUS where I was chosen to join Temasek Foundation's Leadership Enrichment and Regional Networking program. Under the program I was able to interact closely with other international students and would occasionally volunteer to help community groups. Throughout my stay I tutored marginalized kids and played with the mentally challenged. I even celebrated Moon Cake festival with the local elderly. Known for being an international cosmopolitan and a leading institution due to research and experienced teaching faculty, I have no doubt that studying in Warwick will give me the opportunities and environment to achieve my goals.
I LIKE your essay because I can completely understand the experience specially in first para as econometrics is one of my favorite discipline within economics.
well your context is good, like the tone as well. Your essay signals that you do know what you are talking about. You have covered both requirements, so i would say apparently you don't to change anything (not sure about grammar though, not an expert in that area)
I do feel that I was able to satisfy the objectives, but at the same time the essay, at least for me, is quite lifeless. It doesn't have a good closure either. It might be a bit too much for me but It'd be great if I could somehow turn the essay into something "infectious", something that would make the reader smile.
I tried to a add a bit more life into by adding to the narrative on the first paragraph and switching a few sentences of the first two paragraphs. I do think it has a bit more life into it but now it's over 200 characters too long. Any suggestions which part I should cut? Or should I just revert back to the one I posted first.
Here are the first two paragraphs now, highlighted are the added and moved:
The desire to pursue economics started with a book my brother bought for me in 2007, it was "Freakonomics" by Levitt and Dubner. It gave me the notion that the purpose of economics is to answer "why" questions, of why the things are the way they are. The experience that led me to realize that I wanted to study economics was an econometrics project I did when I went to the National University of Singapore, NUS, as an exchange student in the Fall of 2009. We were tasked to do a simple linear regression as a project. I chose the variables GDP and the number of top universities of a country, the latter being the regressor. The result was a strong positive relationship. The neoclassical and new growth theories are attempts to explain "why" economies grow. Even with just a simple regression, I added evidence for those theories. Scouring through the main library for books on economics of education I would pass through books on economics: financial, political, international, environmental, behavioral, sports, and the list goes on. Economics seems to dabble on everything. I gradually recognized that economics is really, as Levitt would say, a science with excellent tools to answer questions, even peculiar questions.
I was happy not so much because the professor commended my work and gave it an A+/A, but rather that I found myself enjoying the process of surveying literature and collecting & analyzing data. But more than that, I'm attracted to economics because economists have a unique way of looking at the world. A mindset that pierces through the seemingly chaotic human behavior. Concepts such as there-is-no-free-lunch and incentives-dictate-action are ingrained into their thinking. These make pursuing graduate studies a must for me. Not only to gain more knowledge of existing theories but also the mindset and skills to apply economics to any discipline. This was why I was glad to learn of Warwick's CRETA, it shares my view that economics is an interdisciplinary subject.
I like the ending of first para and i think you should add this.
well lets c if any of this can help you...
[i]My aim in teaching economics is not only to impart theories to students but, more importantly, the mindset and tools of an economist. So that after the semester is done, they can go off on their own asking and answering their own questions[/i ]...second sentence does not go with the first one i mean its not as strong as the previous one and i think you should revise this.
At this time I am currently studying for the CFA Level II exam, having passed Level I on the first try last December....currently I am preparing for the CFA Level II exam, having passed Level I on the first attempt last December...
One would notice that my GPA for mathematics and first year were only average. In addition to adjusting to college during my first year, I was placed in advanced mathematics and had insufficient study skills. But I was able to transition well as can be seen in my GPA increasing the following years. Furthermore, my GPA in economics, finance, statistics, and operations research courses average above 3.6 (3.5 would be the equivalent of Upper second class honors) ...you can revise this too by mentioning your GPA in courses and adding furthermore my GPA in mathematics also improved in following years (I am just telling you ideas to restructure sentences)
It gave me the notion that the purpose of economics is to answer questions of why the things are the way they are.---I simplified a little here... if you like it this way...
This is a run on sentence:
This was why I was glad to learn of Warwick's CRETA, it shares my view that economics is an interdisciplinary subject.
Just turn that comma into a semi-colon, and it will be awesome.
:-)
Can you make it more defined at the end? I think there is one more detail to the view you share. It is an interdisciplinary subject, and also _______________________.
