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'the eldest of three girls /the research industry' Supplement for Rush Medical School

reader2011 4 / 9  
Oct 13, 2009   #1
1. Describe two examples of working with people, one of which highlights your leadership skills and one which highlights your problem-solving abilities. (1000 characters max)

I believe being the eldest of three girls for most of my life minus one year; I was thrust into the leadership role. I was and am constantly scrutinized and followed. I am proud of the fact that because of my leadership and example that both of my sister finished high school and one recently graduated college and my youngest sister will be finishing next year. Since I was the first in my family to receive a bachelor's degree, it took me a while to accomplish this feat, but through my mistakes and shortcomings I was able to instruct and steer my sisters away from the pitfalls. What it took ten years for me to accomplish, it only took them four years. I didn't have mentors to help me through my undergraduate years and because of fear I never asked for help. However I have since learned that if I didn't ask questions I was forever ignorant , but if I did ask questions I was only ignorant up until the moment I learned the answer. So because of me becoming more inquisitive, I was able to lead my sisters through their undergraduate studies with greater ease and knowledge than I had.

2. Describe 1-2 experiences you have had in the last 3 years working with individuals from diverse backgrounds and what you have gained from these experiences. (1000 characters max)

Working in the research industry has really broadened my horizon culturally. Growing up my family, school and church was all predominately African American. My first exposure to individuals of another culture was at Loyola University. Many times I was the only African American in my class. At first I was very conscientious and quiet when I was around different individuals. I would stay by myself, and become easily offended and defensive by remarks or attitudes that I did not agree with. However, when I began working in research and going to different conferences I saw that there was so much you could learn from individuals from diverse backgrounds if I would put down the guard and just listen. I began to become exposed to different activities that I thought I would never experience. And now since I have been working at Children's Memorial Research Center, I have really learned so much about different cultures. Many of my colleagues come from all parts of the world and have many different views and opinions. I have learned that I do not have to accept other individual's views but I do have to respect them without being offended or opinionated myself.

3. Describe the path you took to prepare, both academically and personally, for a career in medicine. (1000 characters max)

When I was in high school I had my plan all figured out. I would graduate from high school, attend college for four years, go on to medical school, and then become a doctor. This plan sounded really good at the time; however what actually happened was a bit different. Yes, I did graduate from high school and I did attend college, but instead of choosing a college that would suit me I was thinking about what my friend would say and decided to go to another school. I didn't last a year at the college because of financial reasons. I eventually end up going to the school I was initially advised to go to. Once I received my associate, once again I took it upon myself to choose a university instead of asking for advice or guidance. I ended up attending two schools, both of which I could not afford to attend and had to find a job in order to stay there before I finally asked for help and was directed to a school that I finally graduated from with a bachelors. Personally I learned so much from my experience; for starters life doesn't always turn out like you planned, but in the process try to learn from your mistakes so that you do not find yourself repeating them. Academically I feel that I could have done better if I would have taken the responsibility of asking for help or listening to those who offered their advice. My undergraduate years academically was a rollercoaster ride, one I promised myself I would not repeat in graduate school.

4. Describe one crisis/problem you worked through yourself, or helped someone else work through in the last 3 years. (1000 characters max)

When I am by myself I often wonder what it is about me that individuals constantly come to me with their problems. From high school all the way up to today, I can remember different individual coming to me for advice. One incident comes to mind that occurred in my undergraduate years, a friend of mine was contemplating dropping out of school because her husband was complaining about her not fulfilling her duties to him and the children at home. Although I did not have a husband or children, I thought about how my mom handled the pressures of going to school for her associates degree, working and taking care of my father and two sisters. I began to explain to her that my mother began to train my sisters and me how to cook, clean and help out around the house and she would study at night when everyone was sleeping. I began to tell her since her children were of age to start taking some responsibility that she start to train them. She took the advice and instead of dropping out of school, she took a semester off and did what I told her to do. She returned to school, graduated and was accepted to the University of Wisconsin medical school and is now entering her third year of medical school.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 14, 2009   #2
Less is more with writing. The less you tax the reader's attention with unnecessary things, the more IMPACT your words make.

I believe Being the eldest of three girls, for most of my life minus one year; I was thrust into the leadership role as far back as I can remember.

What it took ten years for me to accomplish it only took was accomplished by them in only four years.

You write very well! However, Stephen King says, "Writing is rewriting." That means you can keep improving this.

Add a topic sentence to the front of every paragraph. Do this by asking yourself what main idea you are trying to convey in answer to their question.

Next, I think you should find all the unnecessary phrases and sentences and get rid of them to make more room. You can tell if something is unnecessary by asking yourself if it helps to make the point you introduced in the paragraph's topic sentence.

Finally, go back and check to see if the last sentence of each paragraph gives some closure to the idea it expresses or if it transitions to the next paragraph by introducing the next paragraph. Try to either give closure or transition. When I say "give closure," I mean the last sentence should sort of reflect on that main idea introduced in the topic sentence...
OP reader2011 4 / 9  
Oct 19, 2009   #3
Okay, thank you so much. Since I have posted this essay, I rewrote it. I will repost the updated essay with your suggestion added to it. Thanks agian.

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