work with the drones
The fact that I was born and raised in the middle income family made a quest to improve my life and the life of my society the most important thing for me. I consider that it's my responsibility to make sure that I use all means available to grow myself and use the skills gained to help the society.
I did a bachelor in Electronics and Communication Engineering for my Undergrad, by becoming an Electronic and Communication Engineer I was empowering myself to be able to contribute to my society in finding solutions to some of the common problems that we face. On my final year project I teamed up with two other students, and we made a Remote controlled security system designed for the middle class income families so it was cheaper and simpler than those available in the market.
After I was lucky to get a chance to work with one Electronic Security company which specializes mostly on making security systems for the middle and low income households in Dar es salaam, this opportunity not only gave me a chance to learn more about electronics but also it gave me a chance to give back to my society.
From there, I joined Zipline; a company that uses Drones to deliver medical products to the rural areas. At Zipline I have been to work and lead flight operations where I have been able to grow my knowledge on electronics especially when I was responsible for maintaining both the Drones and the ground equipment, now I work on making the flight paths for the drones to the remote health facilities. In my current role for the past two years I have learned a lot about data and how to use data to make decisions.
The first paragraph (introduction) is quite wordy (i.e. it does not flow off the tongue). Consider changing it to 'Improving my life and the lives of those in my society have become extremely important for me. This is due to the fact that I have grown up in a middle-income family. I have thus adopted the responsibility of ensuring that I use every means possible to develop myself and use the skills I gain to give back to society.'
Overall your piece is really well-written. I wish you the best of luck.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,377 3372
You have not really explained what is important to you and why. You have written a general statement covering several areas of your background, none of which exemplify what is important to you and how it reflects who you are as a person. I believe you did not understand the prompt you were provided for the essay. You need to pick something of importance to you. This could be a social, personal, spiritual, academic, or any other topic. Just makes sure that the narration you provide reflects your development as a person through the experience that you had. Focus on one topic only. As of now, you have not really done that. You are giving a general personal statement in this presentation which, if there wasn't a specific prompt for you to respond to, would have been alright. Based on the given prompt though, this essay just isn't going to work.