Hello Everyone,,
This is the final draft of the essay that I have written for my PhD in UT Dallas and do not know how captivating it is. So I would love if any further insight and improvement that can be done...I appreciate your time...thanks...
"I will embrace today's difficult tasks, take off my coat, and make dust in the world. I will remember that the busier I am, the less harm I am apt to suffer, the tastier will be my food, the sweeter my sleep, and the better satisfied I will be with my place in the world. Whatever it offers; little or much, my time is now." The above stated philosophy has played an important role in the shaping of my goals and framing of my plans for my future and helping me take right decision of applying to University of Texas at Dallas. Choosing Biochemistry for advanced studies, I regard myself privileged to have strong liking in this field which is changing the concepts in medicine.
Although, I come from a town called Bhadrapur of a small landlocked Himalayan country, Nepal, situated in between China and India. I have always dreamed of traveling the world and to know about different people and share ideas. This desire for something new have led me to venture in the foreign soils to discover new culture and environment; with education system different from what I had studied in my country, Nepal. Hence, I joined the Rajiv-Gandhi University of Health Science, Bangalore, India; thousand miles away from home and completed my B.Sc. in Medical Lab. Science (2006/09) with distinction. After finishing my Bachelors in south of India I volunteered at pathology lab of Kanti-Children's Govt. Hospital, Nepal and gained some experience in the field of medical lab science and got interested in Biochemistry. Then I travelled to the Northeast part of India and pursued my Masters of Science in Medical Biochemistry (2011/14) from Maharishi Markandeshwar University, Mullana, India. Luckily, during my stay at this University, the things have shaped on the lines of my thinking. The college curriculum for this Biochemistry major is vast and touched several aspects like Molecular Biology, Biochemical techniques, Biochemistry of tissue, Metabolism, Endocrinology and inborn errors, Biostatistics, Immunochemistry, Clinical Biochemistry and Nutrition. The study at Department of Biochemistry and guidance from its esteemed professors was rewarding and laid a solid foundation in me over the subject. I have also represented my University at the National level workshops and seminar by oral and poster presentations of scientific reviews of various interests.
Similarly, excellence in any sphere of life can only be achieved through determination, hard work, preservation and dedication. After completing my M.Sc., I worked at the Biochemistry and Serology department of Samyak-Diagnostic Lab towards achieving Nepal 1st ISO 15189:2012 certification. Here I always aspired for excellence and quality but I felt the lack of in-depth knowledge of subjects which left the conceptual and practical skills incomplete. It is in this context that I would like to pursue a course by University of Texas at Dallas that will not only supplement my knowledge but will also provide a strong foundation to my study and practical field essential for my professional success.
The death of my Grandparents while I was studying a Masters with neurological disease unexplained and with so little information and treatment available to cope up with, had left me to question and ruminate about the little understanding. This led me to select a project called "The status of vitamin B12 in elderly person suffering from Dementia", where I planned a cross-sectional study with 100 elderly over 60 years (50- patient and 50-age matched control) and accessed cognitive decline in the patient by improved and revised Hindi Mental Status Examination (a questionnaire method). The aim of the study was to investigate the relationship between Serum Vitamin B12 and cognitive function in elderly. The study was conducted in Department of Biochemistry in collaboration with Department of Psychiatry and Medicine, MMIMSR, Mullana. A delayed competitive ELISA was performed to the sample withdrawn from the subjects, after taking a written consent. The results were statistically evaluated and were predictive of cognitive decline (p<0.05). I have published this outcome (Full citation in Resume). Still, I wonder what happens at the molecular level in these mechanisms and other diseases that are still doubtful and ambiguous; I would love to work on these.
So, after careful inspection of graduate programs offered by many prominent institutions, my eyes lingered on the research about molecular mechanism and mitochondrial role in Neurodegenerative diseases and Drug development of diseases supported by University of Texas at Dallas. The Graduate program is itself an integrated course with combination of different faculties to choose from and the diversity will certainly give a broader perspective to the ongoing research. Thus the splendid research facilities, the integrated course and electives, pleasing University ambience located in city Richardson of Dallas and history of the university striving for excellence are the factors which have motivated me to apply to your university. I strongly feel that the Graduate program at this prominent research institution in the United States is the right place to embark on an academic journey into the realms of Molecular Biology, Neurochemistry and Biochemistry; enabling me to mould my career to a great extent. I am confident that I will be able to cope with the rigors of an International curriculum with ease and my determination to succeed will enable me to be among the better students of your college. I would be grateful if I am offered an admission in to PhD program with possible financial support.
My country, after 20 years of civil war; is now undergoing a transition phase and heading towards a positive direction and it requires skilled and highly trained personnel for future developments. Similarly, United States of America being the top country in research and development, I feel that my education will be complete by its commitment to excellence and academic flexibility. Moreover, the diversity in the United States can also help me to learn about different cultures and work with people of different opinion and gain a new perspective about the world. The high technology and great intellectual minds will eventually help me become a better thinker and specialist in my field. Thus, after finishing my PhD, I envision myself as a faculty imparting my knowledge to the students and training other health personals. I'm excited by the prospect of life-long learning, knowing there's always more to discover. Furthermore, I see myself involved in research and contributing to the better understanding of biochemical and molecular system, if possible, by opening a much required Molecular research and diagnostic lab in my country Nepal.
AD, are you writing a Statement of Purpose or a Personal Statement? Those are two different things and what you have written here is definitely not a Statement of purpose or, as you put it, a SOP. Due to the confusing content and lack of focus on the essay, the paper that you wrote is nothing more than an almost average personal statement. It does not contain all of the required components of a statement of purpose. So, you can edit it for content and use it as a personal statement. It cannot be used as a statement of purpose.
In order to properly write the statement of purpose, your first paragraph should contain the purpose for your higher study. Since this is for a PhD level application, your line of reasoning should be far more academic than this essay has presented. Your dissertation topic, in relation to your purpose, and as a representative of your continued interest in researching a particular field of Biochemistry should be part of the first paragraph.
The second, should represent the thesis you performed during your MS studies including the title and result of the research you did. Who did you research with and you feel that this topic should be further studied. As a PhD student, your focus should be on further developing your thesis in preparation for updated publication if it has not been previously published. Make sure to mention any accolades that your previous thesis received or where it was published (if ever).
Your third should explain what kind of future research you plan to do at this university, whom you hope to work with. Why you feel this university can help you with this research, and how you feel you can help the university highlight its presence in this field as well. Explain the kind of researcher you hope to be by the end of your PhD course. Finally, close the essay with information about why you feel that this university choice is specifically suited to your interests, ambitions, and research direction.
There are hints of these topics in your aforementioned essay. However, it was not properly presented so would do better to just write a totally new essay using the hints I have provided above. Take the relevant parts from your previous essay and combine it with your new and improved statement of purpose.
HI @vangiespen thanks for the insight ...I knew my essay was kind of vague and dull but couldn't edit it properly...this is the 2nd para that I have edited could it be placed...for the 1st and 3rd para ill be working on it ...it might take some time...again thanks very much...you are a savior....
"The death of my Grandparents while I was studying Masters with neurological disease unexplained and with so little information and treatment available to cope up with, had left me to question and ruminate about the little understanding. This led me to select a project called "The status of vitamin B12 in elderly person suffering from Dementia", where I planned a cross-sectional study with 100 elderly over 60 years (50- patient and 50-age matched control) and screened the patient by Hindi Mental Status Examination. A delayed competitive ELISA was performed to the sample withdrawn from the subjects, after taking a written consent. The results were statistically evaluated and were predictive of cognitive decline (p<0.05). I have published this outcome. I would love to work at the molecular level in these neurodegenerative diseases; ultimately leading to developing diagnostic and therapeutic mechanisms. Certainly, the ----graduate---- program offered will be a stepping stone towards my journey in these domains helping me meet my ambitions."
AD, that will definitely work as an effective opening statement. You just have to restructure it to not include the current research work you were doing at the time. Focus instead on the illness that befell your grandparents, its influence on your desire to study more about their illness, your hopes for a cure, and similar purposes. Basically, this will be your focal point, the statement that carries the purpose for your studies.
From that point, you can discuss how your current research ties in with your desire or requirements for higher learning in a related field. It is at this point that you can tie in your research on "The status of vitamin B12 in elderly person suffering from Dementia". Delve into the results of that thesis paper and what hope that research offers for the future of Dementia sufferers. towards the end, you can imply the kind of research and results that you hope to pursue as a PhD student. Make sure to highlight how your new research is a logical progression from your masters research.
Dear Louisa,, hmm that was cool I was always stuck by the standard format of keeping a hook sentence and subsequent para for the 1st para...your suggestion seems quite good ...thanks a lot...ill keep that in mind...
You really did a great help friend...appreciate it...
once I complete ill surely post it for you to have a look..if that's ok!!
Dear Louisa, I have made a some changes and have drafted the essay as you mentioned. Would you please have a look and could guide me if this is the right track that iam headed?????
The death of my Grandparents while I was studying Masters ...
AD, if you are writing a statement of purpose, there is no need for you to close it in the manner that you would a formal letter. The Statement of Purpose is still only an essay and should be formatted as such. There is also no need to thank the reviewer for allowing students from the marginalized third world to apply at their university. That is not how you end the statement of purpose. You end it by explaining how you see your career in the near or far future. In other words, you conclude it with your plans to establish a R&D company in your country.
The information about your journal publication is incomplete. That is part of information that the university team will want to verify as part of your credentials in the application. So aside from the mention of the journal name, you also have to give the publication data. That will include the year, month, date, volume, and series number of the magazine that your research was published in. Believe me, it will be in your best interest to provide the complete and verifiable information to the admissions team. You want to prove your abilities as a researcher and your potential as a student and this is the best way to do that :-)
Expand upon the reasons why you want to work with these specific professors. How does your work tie in with theirs? Do you have any plan of convincing them to develop a collaborative project or research in the event that you are given the opportunity to work with them? In that case, what kind of research do you see yourself pursuing at the university with them? How can the university help that research become a reality with or without the collaboration of those professors? This is one of the most important aspects of the statement of purpose so you have to make sure that you develop this paragraph in the most convincing manner possible.
Hey Louisa, thanks for the comments....I have done a little editing and made some minor changes....I would love if you could comment on this essay that I have made now....I think it have now answered some aspects that you pointed to be addressed...I think the composition and grammars are fine?????????
The death of my Grandparents while I was studying Masters with neurological disease unexplained and with so little information and treatment available to cope up with, had left me to question and ruminate about the little understanding. The ambiguous diagnosis of dementia without the knowledge of exact cause and the condition of my grandmother when she was in her last stage of her life were heartbreaking. She rarely recognized her own family and it was heartbreaking not only to us but to herself. The need for biological markers for early detection and prevention of these diseases is indisputable. Unfortunately there is still lack of such markers for dementia. So I promised myself to dedicate my life to the Neurodegenerative disease research; which in future could lead for a better diagnosis and prognosis.
Therefore to better understand the causes of Dementia I got to select a project called "The status of vitamin B12 in elderly person suffering from Dementia", in collaboration of Department of Biochemistry, Medicine and Psychiatry. Here I planned a cross-sectional study with 100 elderly over 60 years (50- patient and 50-age matched control) and screened the patient by Hindi Mental Status Examination (modified from MMSE). Blood sample were withdrawn from the subjects, after taking a written consent. Then a delayed competitive ELISA was performed to the serum for Vitamin B12 levels. The results were statistically evaluated and were predictive of cognitive decline (p<0.05) and I have published this outcome in Indo-American Journal of Pharmaceutical Research in 2014:4(04) (detail citation in CV). The result suggested the link between Vitamin B12 and Dementia but due to limited funds, infrastructure and time we couldn't work further into the molecular level of this condition. So, in future studies I want to work at the molecular level in these neurodegenerative diseases; ultimately leading to developing diagnostic and therapeutic mechanisms. Therefore, my decision to pursue M.Sc. in Molecular Mechanism of Disease has been driven by my eventual objective of meaningful research in the field of medicine which can be helpful for the betterment of life.
Although, I come from a small landlocked Himalayan country, Nepal situated in between China and India, I have always dreamed of traveling the world and to learn and share ideas. This desire has often led me to venture in the foreign soils to participate in different education system from what I had studied in my country. Hence, I joined the Rajiv-Gandhi University of Health Science, India; thousand miles away from home and completed my B.Sc. in Medical Lab. Technology. After completing my Bachelors in south of India I volunteered at Kanti-Children's Govt. Hospital, Nepal and then I travelled to the Northeast part of India completing M.Sc. in Medical Biochemistry from Maharishi Markandeshwar University. Luckily, during my stay at the later university, things have shaped on the lines of my thinking. The college curriculum for the Biochemistry major was vast included subjects like Molecular Biology, Biochemical techniques, Biochemistry of tissue, Metabolism, Endocrinology and inborn errors, Biostatistics, Immunochemistry, Clinical Biochemistry and Nutrition. I have also represented my University at the National level workshops and seminar by oral and poster presentations. Thus, living away from home will never be a problem, rather it will bring a better part of me as I enjoy being with people of different culture and perspective. So I am confident that I will be able to cope with the rigors of an International curriculum with ease and my determination to succeed will enable me to be among the best students.
Thus, after careful inspection of graduate programs offered by many prominent institutions, my eyes lingered on the research oriented M.Sc. program supported by Radboud University, Nijmegen. The program offered is itself highly integrated with combination of different courses which will unquestionably give me a broader perspective to the domains of research. When I saw that there were many researches being done in the Neurodegeneration and cognition science arena, this university attracted me .The ongoing research especially of Dr. J.A.H.R. Claassen and Dr. M.M. Verbeek about neurochemistry of neurodegenerative disorders particularly Alzheimer's disease is what I want to be involved with for my future studies. I want to increase my knowledge of the molecular levels of Alzheimer's which I was unable to do in the limited scientific and practical environment in my previous studies. I believe that the miRNA can hold the key aspects in future of diagnosis and prognosis in not only the field of Neurodegenerative disease but other diseases like cancers. I'm excited by the prospect of life-long learning, knowing there's always more to discover. Hence, after my Masters, I envision myself as a researcher working in lab preparing me towards a PhD. I am also excited about the new culture, environment and experience of a life-time with this study.
Furthermore, my country plagued by more than 20 years of civil war; which now is undergoing a transition phase and it requires skilled and highly trained scientists in health and research for future developments. So, I would love to establish myself as the corner-stone towards pioneering health and technology in my country and what better way than to use the M.Sc. as a platform provided by the Radboud University, Nijmegen. I have a vision to establish a R&D lab in my country where I can develop new age drugs and technology to combat the tragedies of neurodegenerative and cancerous diseases. I believe that the graduate program with prestigious scholarship provided is the true path to embark on a journey into the realms of medical research; enabling me to mould not only my career but also my character by boosting my morale.
Dear louisa, sorry for big trouble...anyways I did as you indicated and filled the above written format with the leftovers...I think this must be it...and should I leave the para about my previous studies and subjects?? anyways thanks a lot!!!
Regards :-)
When my grandparents successively died of neurological diseases while ...
AD, your statement of purpose has finally fallen into place. congratulations :-) this is a job very well done. Although, there is a need for you to proof read the essay in order to correct a few mistakes. I'll point out the mistakes that I caught, caused either by me or by you during the editing of the content, below.
... while I was enrolled in Masters Classes masters classes for from the same illness,... not as advanced IN THIS FIELD as it should be... that these THIS neurological disorders have HAS affected my family life THAT I have decided to make ...
I developed a research paper based during my masters degree studies based upon the study of "The Status of Vitamin V12 Deficiency in Elderly Persons Suffering from Dementia" ... The full results of the experiment and study results SHOWED THAT Group a A had significantly ...
...
... Hence, after my Masters, I envision myself as a researcher working in lab preparing me towards a PhD. In addition the , pleasing university ambience located in historical city of Nijmegen nearby Waal river and ambition of the institute striving for excellence are the factors which have motivated me to apply to Radboud University. I am also excited about the new culture, environment and experience of a life-time with this study.
- There is no need to refer to your reason for choosing this university and the location in the essay. Focus solely on the purpose of the essay. This is not a college application so the reason for your choice of university should not include trivial information such as your interest in the location among other things.
... . So, I would love to prove myself as I DESIRE TO BECOME ONE OF THE corner-stone RESEARCHERS IN THE FIELD OF towards pioneering health and technology in my country... I believe that the graduate program with prestigious scholarship provided is the true path to embark... but also my character by boosting my morale .
- Simply put, requests for scholarships, or any reference to scholarships / the need for a scholarship is never done in a statement of purpose. That is not the aim of this essay and is irrelevant to the true purpose of your studies.
hey Louisa, in 7 days you did a great help...thanks a lot ...I appreciate it...I think it is now good for submission...and can I change few names and submit the similar essay to one of the Canadian uni???? But unfortunately the 1st unedited Vague essay that I wrote was already submitted to US uni :-( ..I didn't knew about this website previously...not much luck there...anyways ...lets see for other uni...thanks a lot....best of luck to u
AD
When my grandparents successively died of neurological diseases while I was enrolled in masters classes ...
Hi AD, I suggest tha tyou change up the essay little before you submit it to the Canadian university. I always caution the students against submitting the same essay to all the universities because each university has a specific requirement for their essays. Be it a statement of interest, statement of purpose, or even a personal statement, you have to make sure that you vary or change the essay a bit before you submit it. Make sure that it fits the parameters and expectations of each essay prompt that you plan to use the essay for.
It is always easier to just edit the essay before you submit it to the new university. Just make sure that the essay you have will be responsive to the prompt that you are provided with. So before you go submitting this essay to the Canadian university, make sure that it responds to the reviewer's expectations. If you are not sure if the essay applies to the requirements, you can always consult with me here. I'll always be more than happy to assist you :-)
hi Louisa, I need your help again. :-) I need to submit "Statement of Interest - one or two pages summarizing your background in Biochemistry, an explanation of why you wish to pursue graduate studies, and your future career goals". for University of Alberta. Will the previous one do?? I'll edit the name of profs and few research ideas. Will it be good???
Hey AD ! While I normally do not advise my students to constantly submit the same essay to various universities due to the possibility of self- plagiarism, I find that I cannot stop them from doing so. So, as they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. That means, that I believe you can reuse the SOP that you wrote for use in an SOI. As you said, you will have to be willing to make some significant changes to the essay, such as the mention of the professors you would like to collaborate with and other important, highlight information.
If you won't mind, I would like you to revise the original essay in the manner that you feel will best suit the requirements of the SOI and then post it here for review. while I do not doubt that you can successfully change up the essay to make it fit the other university application, it won't hurt you to have me double check it. Who knows, after I read the prompt and your revision, maybe, just maybe, we will be able to further improve upon the content :-)
AD, for the statement of interest. Everything that you discussed in it are relevant to the development of your interest. However, I do not think that you need to mention that your country has been embroiled in at 20 year civil war. I tried reading the paragraph a number of times and during each of those times, I came to the conclusion that it does not related in any way to the development of your interest. Therefore, it would be in the best interest of your essay to simply not include it in the final version.
With regards to your question about your background in Biochemistry, you can use all of the information that you provide except for the part at the beginning about " I come from a small landlocked Himalayan country, Nepal situated in between China and India I have always dreamed of traveling..." All they need to know, and want to know about is in relation to your educational background. You don't need to get descriptive in your response. Just give the required information. That is all the reviewer is interested in anyway.
hey louisa,
as you mentioned I have edited a little, although I didn't understand should I omit the final para completely?? Although I deleted the "my country...civil war" line but I have kept the para. Have a look at it.., and about the para of my previous studies should I keep it at where it is right now (as given below)?? is this format of the para positions in the essay exact???
thanks.
AD, you were right to remove the paragraph about the civil war. That is exactly what I wanted you to do and you completely understood my instruction :-) The statement of interest is currently in its proper form and you do not have anything to worry about. All of the required parameters are represented and you even have two proofs of your interest for higher studies represented.
The first interest represented is your desire to pursue accurate and usable research in the field of Dementia. This is proven by your research and subsequent publication. Your desire to be one of the cornerstone founders of the field in your country is the other important aspect of your interest. Both reasons tie in with the necessity of your acquiring more advanced theoretical and technical interests in the field.
You can already submit this essay for consideration at this point. You have not missed anything in terms of information in the essay and I do not believe that you can still add more information to this. From what I can tell, the essay already suits the purpose that it was developed for :-) Good luck with your application.
hi louisa, thanks for such a prompt reply. I think ill submit my application with more confidence now. I am grateful for your insights regarding my essays. I certainly learned a lot. I will definitely trouble you :-) if I need any such help in essay for my future applications as I now know you wont mind and are such a sweetheart ;-). Thanks a lot.
Regards,
AD
