and thank you for taking the time to read my essay. It is a first draft. The essay (500 words) needs to be a brief statement regarding my interest to the MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Program. I need to include information regarding my preparation for the program specified. I'm allowed to send a resume along with the application. The current version is a longer than 500 words. Can you please help me make this essay better and more convincing?
I greatly appreciate your help.
I am a young woman interest in engineering design. Becoming a scientist in the engineering field excited me ever since I was a young girl. Engineering is my calling.
During my undergraduate studies at University of California, Davis I have taken a variety of classes in Biology, Biomedical Engineering, Mechanical Engineering and Mathematics. I majored in Biomedical Engineering and minored in Education and Mathematics. With such diverse background, I am confident that I am prepared to face the challenges of graduate school.
I was always interested in finding out how the design of physical and mechanical systems is evaluated and brought to completion. The Mechanical and Biomedical Engineering courses - Dynamic and Static Interactions, Engineering Design Project, Integration of System Engineering - provided me with the first glimpse into the processes and interactions occurring in manufacturing a cost-efficient project. The two quarters I spend designing a new creepster crawler for Easter Seals Physiological Therapy Center gave me a chance to apply and further understand the concepts presents in these classes. It was exiting to see how the calculations and implementations my team and I made provided a valuable device in the aid of helping neuro-motor impairments become mobile at an early stage of their lives. This experience made me wanted to know and understand more about how models work and altered to meet the client's specifications and demands. Hence I want to study towards masters in MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Degree at San Jose State University which is a great fit for me.
My background has molded me into the scholar I am and the perseverant female scientist I am in the process of becoming. As a young dedicated woman in the field of science, I bring diversity to the MBA/MSE System Engineering Dual Degree though my bicultural experience and approaches to research dilemmas. I want to represent the Romanian community within higher education programs. As part of a minority group, my dream of becoming a scientist will inspire young generations to pursue interests in the fields of science and engineering.
Patient and hard working, I am also extremely dedicated to my goal of playing a meaningful part in the struggle for planning proper and successful implementation of engineering models. I am also very strong in time management and prioritizing, which helps me to achieve what I aim to do. I feel strongly that the greatest contribution I can make is to participate in the ongoing quest for new, better ways to address the interdisciplinary field of engineering along side of cost-effective models. I have faith that advancements in the fields of System Engineering and Business will offer a new understanding of the coloration between favorable changes for the companies within the Silicon Valley area. As I have gained experience in all the tools available to me, I have become ever more drawn to research and collaboration with highly respected scientists and developers/designers.