'I'm Not Entirely Certain' - U of M undergrad essay: Community

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

I'm Not Entirely Certain

This prompt of community has presented me with quite the unforeseen difficulty. I belong to many communities; why does this feel impossible to write? I drafted several responses, yet none of them capture what I seek to portray. I have come to the realization that I do not know the answer. When asked what community I belong to, the answer is not a number, nor is it found on page fifty-three of my textbook. Quite honestly, I belong to a community of teenagers.

There are some interesting aspects of said community. Teenagers do not admit that they are children. We hide behind facades that make us appear more mature; like large vocabularies and false confidence-we know everything about anything. Being a teen, it frustrated me to no end not to have a concrete, black or white answer for this prompt. I tried to write about martial arts, about my job, about my school. Yet I felt false, phony even. None of those things encompass who I am who whom I completely share a mindset with. As of today, I can admit that I am a teenager-I do not need to know my place in this world yet. As I mature, I hope that my generation will grow with me, and-ironically-learn how little we know.

I think you took a unique perspective on the prompt; maybe even risky--which may be good depending on the reader. The part that troubled me the most is:


This, in my opinion should be rephrased to something that says that these things are a part of you, but not the whole you. Otherwise it will seem like you've been wasting your time doing these activities and havn't taken much from them.

Another part that bothered me was:


It sounds a little pompous and arrogant. You can change that by saying you will grow with your generation (rather then the other way around. Something should be done about the "learn how little we know part" as well.

Hope this could be of help.