Europe Masters program admission Essays (your motivation to enter the programme)

I am writing an essay on Your motivation for the MSc-programme of your choice to take admission in one of the Europe's university for masters program in technology please review and post comments to help me reviewing my application.

Your motivation for the MSc-programme of your choice

I am a graduate in bachelors of technology, computer science. After completing my graduation I am working from last two years with an IT Company. While working I felt the need to gain more managerial skills because everybody wants to grow and reach a particular destination and I want to become an IT manager. There are, of course, as many individual reasons for doing a master's qualification, as there are master's students. But the answer for a lot of master's students and mine is employability. As Bill Holtsnider an experienced writer, educator and software professional, with more than 22 years of experience working in the computer industry writes in his IT Manager's Handbook that managing people is rewarding, interesting, challenging and hard. It's hard to do well. Dealing with all of the complexities of a modern IT environment is extremely difficult. I have a passion to do hard, challenging, interesting and at last rewarding things.

I am passionate about Computer Science and wish to pursue it as far as I can. Studying in a different country would provide me a great exposure in knowing people from different countries. Delft has a wide mix of cultures, usually tolerant to foreigners, and respects the freedom to have different opinions and beliefs. They encourage individual ideas and the educational system has a good reputation. Accredited qualifications obtained from Delft University of Technology are recognized in most parts of the world. There are courses in a wide variety of subjects, including many which are open to international students. Language teaching methods are well developed.

I like the weather of Netherland. Netherlands experiences a somewhat stable weather all the year round. The temperatures do not soar very high. The summers are mostly warm and they have variable periods. A case of extremely hot weather is a rarity. Rainfall is common throughout the year.

Financing an international education is always difficult and I feel that with the scholarship program of Delft University of Technology I would be able to gain the desired skills to implement at my work place.

Dear Navdeep

After reading your SOP I got the idea that your present goal is to become IT Manager whereas university of science expect that you are doing MS to have more knowledge in technical field and will like to join world as researcher or as engineer ,not as a manager . So I think you should show your interest towards technical knowledge to attract the attention of selection committee.In addition to this you must give some information about projects you did in your job and during your bachelor which will surely going to give you edge over other students .Moreover in description about university mention details about their internship program ,there research area,there department,about their faculty which you find will help you in shaping your career .I do not think that speaking about scholarship program in first interaction ,will give good impression on faculty there .

Regards
SAURABH JAIN

Your essay is very weak.
Your first few lines are boring, and relatively poorly writtnen.
You do not make it personal at all.


^There is no point generalizing about other people if you are trying to write a personal statement about yourself.

You do not even say why you yourself want to become an IT manager, which forwards the impression you do not know, and that you are not serious enough of a candidate.


^Usually tolerant? That is insulting to Delft because you are saying that there are times in which they are not tolerant.
What encourages individual ideas?
Good reputation? How? In terms of what?
Recognized in most parts of the world? Thats offensive as well.

Basically,
Your essay is bad. You need to work on it.

Thanks a lot for ur views