Hello to everybody!
Dear admins and contributors! I really need your assistance to check my first draft of SoP.
Thanks in advance for your help, cause it is not as brilliant as several ones here! :(
Prompt:
1) a short autobiographical statement;
2) a short motivation why you are interested in the programme;
3) a clear account of how you fulfill the specific admission requirements for the programme.
4) not more than 1 page
This is the upgrade of my SoP.
Guys, all suggestions are higly appreciated!!!
Still waiting for moderator's check...
I extremely strive to pursue Masters in Financial Mathematics at Your University because of the strong feeling that my future career is determined perfectly well. A solid academic background, awareness of global finance circumstances multiplied by well-deserved working experience undoubtedly indicates that quantitative finance fits me best. Moreover, I am pretty confident that imperfection of financial markets may be exploited to achieve a substantial profit by means of quantitative techniques, which might identify and utilize even small inequalities between market instruments' valuation and pricing. For the above reasons, I hope my introduction has convinced you to agree that I am smitten with the elegance of a quantitative finance.
Growing up in small town Omsk, Siberia, Russian Federation, I always wanted to get as reputable undergraduate degree as I could to succeed in the modern highly competitative world. During my last two years in the high school, which I had finished with honors, I had been working extremely hard to be enrolled in Moscow State Technical University named after N. E. Bauman, one of the TOP-5 Russian Universities founded in 1830. My ultimate goal was Engineering Business and Management Faculty, which perfectly combine diverse mathematical courses with finance and economic ones, and I was admitted. Admission competition was extremely sever - approximately 37 people per one place. During first three years, I had completed differential and integral calculus, linear algebra and multivariable analysis, optimization theory, probability and statistics courses, even strength of materials and physics. The last three-years courses were micro and macro economics, econometrics, finance, financial markets, accounting, general management etc. It is worthy of note that my favorite course was partial differential equations, which find elegant applications in quantitative finance.
Unfortunately, studentships in Russian Universities were less than $40 per month during my undergraduate education. My parents in Omsk did not be able to provide any financial support to me. Therefore, I worked full-time at Moscow Marriott Grand Hotel as a bellboy. Consequently, my grade point average was not as high as it should be. However, my GPA does not accurately reflect my capabilities. I had received invaluable life experience at Marriott and finally decided I will never allow my future education to suffer.
After receiving my bachelor degree, I successfully passed four interviews at Russian Standard Bank. American Express Cards Department was my first practical step toward finance world. Our quantitative team was responsible for development and implementation of the first Amex cards' scoring system in Russia and we had succeeded. It was the right time to move along. That is why I have moved to Rosbank, TOP-10 banks in Russia, Risk Management Department. Risk assessment of CDS and Equity derivatives were my new responsibilities. In July, 2009, I successfully achieved Professional Risk Management Designation, PRM, in order to broaden my finance and risk management background. As references, Hull's Options, Futures and other derivatives and Wilmott's Introduces Quantitative Finance were used. The pivot point has been passed and I have undoubtedly realized - quantitative finance must be my future career, nevertheless I need to increase my knowledge and skills.
Quantitative finance is in the very beginning of its development, but a very perspective field in Russia. Unfortunately, we do not have any relevant graduate programs at present. As my future career path has been already defined, I need to get advanced in-depth knowledge of quantitative techniques as practical as it could be. That is why Your program in Financial Mathematics will be an excellent step towards my professional aims. My short-term aim is to be a statistical arbitrage quant or high-frequency trader/quant in Russia. My long-term aim - to run my own quantitative hedge fund investing in developing countries and to provide young ambitious Russian employees with perspective job positions. I feel that program in Your University perfectly facilitate me with a solid background and all necessary skills to fulfill my future plans. I strongly believe that as highly motivated and determinate student like me would be a valuable asset to your university, bringing both theoretical knowledge and working experience as well as unique Russian culture and unresisting energy.
Thank you for considering me for the Masters in Financial Mathematics.
Yours faithfully,
Vladislav Tashbulatov.
My parents in Omsk found it very difficult to support me financiallywere not able to provide any financial support to me.
As my future career path has been already defined, I need to get advanced in-depth knowledge of quantitative techniques as practical as it could be ( not clear, need to rephrase)
I extremely strivehave decided to pursue Masters in Financial Mathematics at Your University because of the strong feeling that my future career is determined perfectly well. (find a better way of saying this)
I feel that program inat Your University willperfectlyfacilitateequip me with a solid background and all necessary skills to fulfill my future plans.
Have you already sent in your essay? I just saw that you had no moderator feedback in my Checker program.
The prompt asks for a SHORT biographical statement. You only get to that as of the second paragraph - I don't think you need the first one. I don't think you should mention your uni courses (it is in your transcript. You should specify what was invaluable in your first job at the Marriot.
studentships student internships in Russian Universities were paid less than $40
You don't need to detail the number of interviews for your first job. It is more relevant to talk about what you achieved there i.e. what you succeeded to do in your job
the first Amex cards' scoring system in Russia and we had succeeded.
ditto - what pivot point?
The pivot point has been passed
You mention your job qualifications and courses (?) you had to pass? But you need to include something on why this particular program interests you (prompt 2.) Also, I don't know what the admissions requirements are but since the prompt asks, you should answer how you fulfill them.
