"the field of law" - What are you trying to achieve UC PROMPT 1

Hey guys I just wrote a rough draft of my UC Prompt 1. I tried my best to express myself but I am not sure if i conveyed myself well. ANY HELP (grammar,etc) OR ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT. THANKS IN ADVANCE!

Describe the world you come from - school, community, or family- and tell us how it has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"What are you trying to achieve?". This is the motto of my household. My parents ask themselves this same question before they are make critical decisions and ask me this same question as I venture out into a future of my own.

As first generation immigrants to the United States, my parents have worked tirelessly to establish a strong foundation for me and my brother to succeed. I have always been told that the sky is the limit and to pursue what my heart desires. The quest for success and strong will instilled me is a result of my upbringing. I often see my fellow classmates ushered into a path of life controlled by their parent's wishes. My parent's, however, wished that I choose my own path and discovered my own opportunities.

I questioned their methods of parenting when they encouraged me to be independent. After all, how does a twelve year old decide between playing soccer or volleyball? It was frustrating at first to work through problems on my own, but soon I became less dependent and developed as an individual. I was never served on a platter; I was never forced through piano lessons on Sunday and swimming classes on Saturday. I developed my interests because I wanted to pursue them - not as a result of my parent's wishful thinking. This freedom of development allowed me to discover what truly mattered to me and the amount of effort required to reach my goals.

This work ethic is now nurtured into my behavior and is evident through the positions I have acquired at school and extracurricular activities. This summer, I applied for a job because I wanted to support my own expenses. At school I took a leap of faith and I applied for a position as a reporter for the school paper because I was intrigued by the power of journalism. My parents motivated me through all my different endeavors and watched me grow as an individual. And now, much like them, it is time for me to ask "What am I trying to achieve?".

As I have navigated through various activities, I realized that I have developed an interest in the field of law. This is a combined result of discussing political issues in Journalism class and serving as an intern on a political campaign over the summer, both activities I pursued on my own. And to answer my parents: I want to achieve a career as a successful lawyer and help others receive the justice they deserve.

My parent's, however, wish that I choose my own path and discovered discover my own opportunities.

Use a hyphen: twelve year-old ...

This is just an idea, but I don't know if you'll like it:
At school I took a leap of faith by applying and I applied for a position as ...

You should give a sentence or two about the reasons law appeals to you and what you intend to do. It is nice that you want to help others achieve justice, but you should be more specific and talk about the specializations that interest you, law issues that you want to learn more about, etc.

:-)