Hello, Could you please get me some advice for my statement of purpose? Thank you very much
Statement of purpose (Summary of senior projects, Statement for study motivation, or Statement of research interest)
STATEMENT OF PURPOSE
Climate change and Global warming is one of the problem which inspiring me to study in environmental science. I would like to know the cause of problem and find the technology to decrease the pollutions for sustainable life. I graduated from Chulalongkorn University with a Bachelor's of Science (Environmental Science) degree in June 2015. My undergraduate education has provided me with a strong and emphasis in nature of environmental pollutants. With an environmental subjects I proud to say that my score was on top of the classroom. Therefore, I would like to improve specific knowledge of environmental remediation technology especially in air pollution field. This is the reason why I looking forward to pursue my Master degree in this course.
There are two reasons why I believe that graduate study in this program is important for a person who aspiring for a research career. Firstly, Academic study with an expert professors from Japan and Thai university including researcher from NSTDA will give me the intensive knowledge of any environmental pollution fields. Secondly, I feel that working thesis under the guidance of an expertise and atmosphere of a place where have a full of intelligence people will be the ideal place for me to do quality research work and helpful in motivating me towards excellence researcher in the future.
During my forth year student at the department of environmental science. I did a senior project on the Emission of PM10 and PM2.5 from crop residue open burning. I have received many experience from this project such as the methodology of research, using air pollution sampling equipment and laboratory technique.
In the summer of 2014, I worked as a trainee at PTT Public Company Limited for eight weeks. I gained knowledge about how to manage environment problem in the company following by ISO 14001:2004 system. After that I took a second internship for eight weeks at the Environmental Office 13 Chonburi district which government bureau under the Ministry of Natural Resource and Environment. I have trained to sampling the water and analyze parameter in laboratory.
After complete with Master degree is an essential step for realizing my professional ambition of becoming a competent researcher.
I look forward to join your department as a graduate student.
Hello, try to find places where you have words that do not help achieve the goal. What is the goal for the essay?
I think your goal is to surprise the reader with a unique experience. The goal is not just to show that you can write with proper grammar. In fact, proper grammar is not even the most important thing. Give the reader an experience by using imagery words and action verbs.
Here is a way to streamline the writing:
Climate change and Global warming is one of the problems which inspiring me to study in environmental science. -----Take out unnecessary words. The sentence still carries the same meaning with fewer words.
I would like to
know the cause of problem and find the technology to decrease the pollutions pollution for sustainable life.----- Use shorter sentences. Like the famous writer Emerson, you can have powerful English with short sentences. Long sentences detract from the reader's experience.
I graduated from Chulalongkorn University with a Bachelor's of Science (Environmental Science)
degree in June 2015.
There are two reasons why I believe --- I like the way you wrote this sentence!!
forth fourth year ...
I look forward to
join joining your department as a graduate student.