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This is my first thread. I've written an essay for the GRE Issue task. Do check it out.


niruniru23 1 / -  
Oct 12, 2016   #1
Topic:Some people believe that increasing violence in the media is the cause of increasing violence in our society, especially among children. Others believe that children's peer groups and parental role models are a much more influence on children's behavior.

My response:

Children are often compared to a blank sheet of clear white paper on which anything for the first time, written stays permanent, or they are compared to a growing sapling. The sapling grows in the way in which it is allowed to grow. If a bent sapling isn't corrected by a stiff stick, the sapling grows into a bent tree, the metaphor meaning a bad person.

It is not false that media nowadays does contain more violent content than it did few decades ago and its also not fully wrong to think that this violence may be the driving force behind increased violence in our society, especially among children. To think about it, there are millions who grow up in places which are so impoverished that access to digital technology is simply out of the question. I believe that the major influential force on the behavior of the society is the quality and the environment of upbringing.

Speaking of poor localities, there are many places in the world where slums are present and its observed that people living here lack common manners and tend towards a more rustic and brash behavior. Petty quarrels have been extant and are sometimes dragged to an extent where people have been known to destroy goods hand-carts of their "arch nemesis" - basically it comes down to destroying property. Children who live there, imbibe all these from their parents and see it happening and feel, that this is the right way to tackle a such a problem, i.e., being violent and destructive. There are viral videos spreading on social networks which consists of young African boys running around in their slum with pistols and together they shoot a helpless victim - even after he is killed. This is the level of violence that prevails in some societies where it seems that bad influence remains unchecked.

Not forgetting the people growing up in wealthy environments; as mentioned earlier, behavior of the society depends on the quality and the environment of upbringing. Even among the rich people, the youngsters have easy access to illegal items such as drugs and weapons, and cars. Cars aren't illegal but they're a potential killing machine. With added horsepower and an equally powerful adrenaline rush, youngsters drive rashly and lots of hit and run cases are reported.

In conclusion, I would say that the major influential force in the behavior of the society is the society itself, especially the older generations, rather than violent media. Violent media does promote violence in the society but not to an extent which the environment of a particular locality could.
kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Oct 13, 2016   #2
Hi! I have some advice for you!

Avoid abbreviation in formal writing, such as ...isn't..., ...i.e..., ...it's..., ...aren't...

It should be ...is not..., ...in example..., ...it is/it has..., ...are not...

...may be the driving force behind increased violence... should be

...may be the driving force reason behind the number of increasing violence/ violence increased (you can use both)

I believe that the major... should be

I believe the major...


Home / Graduate / This is my first thread. I've written an essay for the GRE Issue task. Do check it out.
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