Please can you help me edit my Statement of Interest for masters degree in Chemical Engineering. thank you.
"The effects of fossil energy and other chemical materials on global environment are very concerning ï both in terms of health and economical aspects. These engineering fields therefore, have much to be discovered.
For instance, the effects of fossil fuels and polymers are not new but we are now getting close to the dreams of clean fossil fuel and other chemical products. It was this interest that first brought me to study .... with particular focus on Mining, Petrochemical and Oil and Gas industries.
I am aware that in today's world, Chemical Engineering has an increasing important role ranging from pharmaceuticals to petrochemicals. The challenges involved in the application of scientific theory through research to practical world problems and the broad range of opportunities to contribute to society through technological innovation, is one of the main attractions for me continue further studies in Chemical Engineering.
I am a Ghanaian, raised in a family driven by strong social values and hard working nature. I studied .... at .... Due to the interdisciplinary nature of the program, a studied courses such as: Physical and Analytical Chemistry, Mineralogy and Petrology, Thermodynamics, Mineral Processing, Extractive Metallurgy, Fluid Mechanics, Calculus, Strength of Material, Environmental Management, Petroleum Engineering, etc. this greatly contributed to my research work entitled "Economic and Sensitivity Analysis of Erasa Mine Project". I graduated with first class honours and it was once again proven to me that through hard work and a clear aim, you can always reach your goals. After graduating in May 2008, I am now working as a ... at ...., with a team of senior Mining, Mineral and Chemical Engineers on various engineering projects to economically revamp the output of the processing plant. The environmental protection, health and safety aspects of the projects are of significant concerns.
Following my undergraduate studies, I sought to learn more in process design in materials processing, petrochemical and oil and gas recovery processes.
Taking part in Chemical Engineering Program at ... feels like a natural development of my academic career. From the course of my undergraduate training, I know that this opportunity will be challenging and competitive, and that taking part in this program will lay a solid foundation for my future career. It would be an honour to be part of the Chemical Engineering program of your excellent university"
Your essay all sounds very nice. However, I would stray away from personal aggrandizement as it might already be covered in your resume (? I'm sort of assuming here, I actually have no idea how you would apply to a master's program as I'm only applying to undergrad :) but I hope my comments are helpful anyways). You certainly sound qualified but it's sort of a generic response, saying the chemical engineering has a lot of applications in the world. Be more specific with what YOU want to do with it, or why you find it an important field. Also, I think you mean "I studied" instead of "a studied" in the second line of the third paragraph.
Like I said, I'm only applying to undergrad so I might have no idea what I'm talking about with the whole "apply it to yourself" thing. But it's just a thought. :)
