"to give patients the utmost compassion and care" Physician Assistant Statement

Upon meeting him for the first time, a friend's father asked me, "So, Briana what do you do for this world?" I began to state a banal answer, but then I stopped to reconsider. He asked what I did for the world, not in the world. I can currently reply with a few things that I do for the world, but there are many more things I hope to achieve in the future. I believe becoming a Physician Assistant will be the most important factor in accomplishing these goals. First, I think it is important to explain the experiences in my life that led me to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant. Some of these experiences include ...

This essay demonstrates passion, commitment and fortitude which are the major components for the making of a professional who is willing to dedicate his/her life for the benefit of others.

Beautifully thought and well worded, I enjoyed reading it alot.

Oh thank you so much!

This is written an a slightly messed up way. It presents it as though the father was "meeting him for the first time" because he said something "upon meeting him..."

You should write,
Upon meeting me for the first time, a friend's father asked, "So, Briana, what...

Let's work on the thesis statement:
Each of these experiences has developed or enhanced my interest in health care, provided me with goals to keep in mind when I am a practicing Physician Assistant, and challenged me to evaluate why I want to become a Physician Assistant. --- it sounds like the essay is about your experiences, but if you ADD ONE MORE SENTENCE after this one before finishing the intro paragraph, you can make it so that the theme of the essay is your PLAN... not the way experiences have caused you to evaluate and develop your interest, but your real intentions. Your statement.

If you were allowed only one statement (i.e. one sentence) to express yourself to them, what would the sentence be?

I hope to one day be asked again what I do for this world, because--- excellent! This is a great theme.

What about something like this:

I have determined that becoming a Physician Assistant will allow me to say I do something for this world, rather than constantly telling people what I do in this world.

I think that works, but it could be better. You ALREADY did a great job of celebrating that theme at the beginning and end of the essay. If you use the thesis statement for it as well, it is good, but you could make even better use of the thesis statement. The thesis statement could say something inspired, specific, and indicative of your intentions. Only you can come up with it in a moment of inspiration. If you use this sentence, I think it will be good, but keep aware of your mind's activity and watch for that perfect sentence to convey your intention.

I totally changed directions from my first draft. I want to convey a sense of action (is that the word I'm looking for?). I don't want it to be like a story for english class, I want it to show purpose & reasons I deserve to be admitted into the PA program.

I have a daily personal objective to exhibit compassion towards each person I encounter, regardless of the capacity of our relationship. Throughout my life, I have witnessed or been the recipient of great compassion, and I merely wish to reciprocate this to society through my role as a Physician Assistant. This is an ambitious goal for a first generation college student, but several experiences have instilled a fundamental drive within me to both care for and educate others. Growing up I observed the consequences of poor nutritional and life-style decisions often seen in rural communities. In college, instructing and counseling patients in my volunteer work has given me a preview of the help and comfort I will provide to people in my career. Lastly, caring for my father and interacting with his physicians and surgeons during his battle with cancer inspired me to devote my life to helping others. I will incorporate the knowledge and values learned from my past into the education and capabilities I will gain from the Physician Assistant program to provide superior and compassionate care to all patients.

Other than physicians, there seem to few advocates of healthy living or decision-making in small towns. I grew up in a town with a population of approximately 3,500 people and witnessed the effects of unhealthy lifestyle choices such as obesity, type II diabetes, alcoholism, and teenage pregnancies. Many of these examples come from my own family or friends. This experience has heightened my sensitivity to others and allows me to be sincere when communicating with patients, showing them I understand their difficulties. The patients I see in my volunteer work at a low-income clinic mirror the patients often seen in rural community clinics. While volunteering, even as I am taking vital signs and recording patient complaints I see countless opportunities to counsel, educate, and extend compassion towards these people. One particular example of this happened during the monthly diabetic clinic. A patient was describing his difficulty adhering to a healthy diet that would help manage his diabetes. I asked him several questions about his lifestyle and food preferences, searching for a functional and creative solution to his problem. I suggested to him a cookbook my diabetic, and picky, grandmother found that helped her with her diabetes as well as gave her options for the food she liked and unique exercising tips. Though it was a simple suggestion, I conveyed a sense of sincerity when speaking to the man, and it was met with success. He came back to the clinic a few weeks later to thank me for taking the time to listen to him and testified that it had truly helped him. This instance showed my ability to appropriately adapt my communication style to the context of the individual patient interaction. Occurrences such as this make volunteering a constant reminder of my eagerness to become a Physician Assistant.

While my encounters from my hometown and my volunteer work are both very significant, one event in particular fortified my sense of purpose in devoting my life to medicine. At the age of 14, I learned my dad had a brain tumor the size of a baseball that had been growing for approximately 15 years. Fortunately the tumor could be removed and after radiation and chemotherapy, my dad is doing very well. Our family was privileged to have the benefit of such an exceptional team of health care providers, which was led by University of Oklahoma College of Medicine alumni Dr. Steven Gaede. The people that constituted that team became my role models, giving me personal understanding of what it truly meant to provide compassionate health care. However, I certainly understand that not all stories will end so happily as my family's. While I have determination to turn every situation into a success, I also have the maturity and empathy to handle those situations that may lack a happy ending or an easy solution.

Witnessing the physician from my hometown strive to improve the lives of citizens, even when met with a great deal of resistance, demonstrated true dedication that I emulate. Volunteering has taught me the importance of taking initiative, as wells as thinking of creative solutions. I will utilize my education at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center to edify small communities like my hometown and provide the highest quality of care and guidance to patients. The compassion and empathy my family was shown during my dad's illness motivated me to give that same degree of effort to others. I will continue my endeavor to show the utmost compassion to others, keeping in mind the superior example set by my father's health care team.

This was a well-written essay. I dare not change it. It is full of compassion and it is obvious that the writer is well aware of the needs of the PA in our society. Being a PA myself, I can certainly relate to his call to duty! I wish him well in his endeavors!

Thanks,

Mark

Thank you for the input! It's great to hear feedback from a PA!