application essay for graduate study
Hello! I am going to apply for GKS 2020 graduate study via university track. Could you please take a look and give your opinion? Thank you!
o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to GKS.
o Reason for studying in Korea
o Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.
I have always had a vision of myself being a leading specialist of a multinational corporation whose purpose would be to collaborate with companies and organizations from all over the world and contribute to the development of country's wealth. When I was a child, it seemed to be almost surreal, but deep inside I have constantly cherished this idea and trusted in the power of perseverance. I grew up in a single-mother family and, although my childhood was never easy, I am grateful to the life circumstances and especially to my mother, who taught me one of the most important and useful lessons: to achieve high results you must be persistent and goal-oriented. I accepted this lesson as my life motto, which has been guiding me till now.
In the course of my studies, I proved myself as an active and enthusiastic individual with good leadership and management skills that allowed me to be elected as the class representative throughout the four years of my Bachelor's and lead numerous social and research activities at my university. During my sophomore year, my passion for foreign languages and cultures, as well as my high academic results gave me a wonderful opportunity to participate in a student exchange program at Yonsei University. This wonderful experience not only introduced me to a new culture and encouraged me to master one of the hardest languages, but also opened my professional horizons and profoundly changed me on a personal level. After one semester there, I was convinced about my future plans for studies and career and knew that South Korea would play a crucial role in it.
I came back to Kazakhstan inspired and determined to improve my language and continue my studies abroad. In less than a year, I was selected as one of the scholarship holders for the Erasmus+ academic mobility program and successfully completed one semester at University of Cordoba in Spain. Having witnessed a totally different environment, in comparison to Kazakhstan and South Korea, only reinforced my desire to pursue my career in the field of international studies. In order to enlarge my practical experience in relation to this sphere, I got involved in plenty of international events and forums. For instance, I volunteered at Astana EXPO-2017 that was organized under the theme of 'Future Energy', during which I learned about various ideas and opinions on global energy solutions presented by different countries and as an official liaison of the Pakistani delegation at 13th Meeting of Shangai Cooperation Organization I had a chance to personally attend the debates and negotiations on current political and economic problems in the world. Moreover, I assisted in organization of Eurasian Economic Forum, where I took part in discussions on building new models of economic and governmental cooperation in innovation, technology, and agricultural industry among the member states. As part of my duties I also assisted with arrangement of meeting rooms designed for negotiations between entrepreneurs seeking investments and potential investors during which I gradually realized the importance of businesses in implementation of these goals and as a factor that drives country's wealth. It made me very curious about an international business, it's sub-spheres and the way it operates in different environments. Therefore, I decided to undertake the Global Business & Finance program at the prestigious XX University notable with its professor staff and graduates both in South Korean and abroad. I believe Global Korea Scholarship gives me an immense opportunity to achieve my childhood goal.
Since I was particularly fascinated by Korean culture and impressed by the quality of education there, I decided to enter a Korean language course in XX University, and afterwards applied for the position of office-assistant at the Office of International Affairs, where I am currently working. My main responsibilities include receiving and guiding new students from the Commonwealth of the Independent States, providing written and oral translation in Russian, Kazakh, English, and Korean, dealing with students' inquiries, and handling general office tasks. All these activities equipped me with precious knowledge about Korean history and culture, helped me enhance my language abilities, and gave me an insight of working in an international environment.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,377 3372
The motivation with which you apply to the course is not really solid towards representing a future career path for yourself. The GKS review committee does not appreciate exaggerations in claims from applicants. One example of such an exaggeration is when you said "When I was a child..." It weakens the essay. You are applying as a graduate course student. Therefore, your career reference points need to be from a professional standpoint. The motivation must be related to career progress. Something that is not very well represented in this essay.
The best way you can represent your motivation to apply to this course would be to relate it to the discussion of why you chose the university. Depending upon your career requirements, goals, and potential to succeed, the university should be able to help hone both your theoretical and practical skills. Therefore, the motivation discussion will be strongly represented via the university choice discussion.
Your discussion of your education and work experience in relation to GKS must be longer and stronger than the final paragraph presentation that you have. While the fact that you are a previous international scholar strongly helps your application, your interest in Korea is very little developed. I do not want you to further develop your educational background. The scholarships and exchange experiences are noteworthy as it is. However, your depiction of your interest in Korea is not.
Don't just say that you have an interest in Korean culture and their educational system. Explain how that interest came about. Specifically, relate it to the way that Korea has developed globalized business programs that you hope can be emulated in your country. Indicate that you wanted to learn how to speak Korean to help entice more Korean investments in your country. So you enrolled in the a university course to learn Hangul. Talk about your grades in the language class. Indicate if you took the TOPIK before and what score you received. Enhance the information regarding how your knowledge of Korean has helped you in your job. This should not be a single paragraph depiction. This should be discussed over multiple paragraphs. This is the pivotal point of your essay interview. Convince the reviewer that your global business experience is something that the country of Korea will benefit from and vice-versa.
The essay has the potential to be competitive. You just need to refocus certain discussions and develop other discussions further.