This is my SOP.. Kindly suggest me necessary corrections.. Thanks
Writing a statement of Purpose for admissions into a graduate program is very interesting task for me. Till date in Indian education system I was never asked to write on my views about the program and curriculum I applied for. Admissions into any program depended mainly on the academic grades in which I was always excellent. Hence I studied in colleges and Universities which were on my priority list. My higher secondary was in science discipline and engineering major was Mechanical which is my passion. Now after completing my Mechanical engineering degree with some kind of brief research experience I aspire to pursue graduate studies mainly emphasizing on ABC from your University.
I was introduced to machines in primitive stages of my life. My Grandfather who was a retired engineer from Indian Railways used to give me lots of mechanical toys. While assembling and dissembling these toys I got attracted towards Machines which later on in secondary school became my career choice. My family is originally from South India but for the employment of my father we migrated to Maharashtra. I did my entire education in this state. I began basic schooling from "DEF" where I learned basics of science, Mathematics along with languages and social sciences. I took interest in science from the beginning and enjoyed Physics in particular. I also participated in various science exhibitions arranged by several schools in the state. Apart from winning several accolades in these events I also witnessed how machines and other applications of science and technology can solve problems of our life and make things easier and fast for the mankind. With this kind of background and passion for machines I cleared my Higher Secondary and also engineering placement tests and got into "MNO" for Bachelor's degree in Mechanical Engineering under the University of Pune. My actual odyssey to become an engineer began at this institute which ended up extremely well in the month of May 2011 when I passed out BE (Bachelor's degree in Engineering) with flying colors.
My years of education at college of Engineering were like golden years for me. It was a pool of sea which would never be imbibed completely anytime and it was giving a continuous learning and development opportunities for an ardent student in me. I had studied courses like Fluid mechanics, Tribology, Heat transfer, CAD/CAM and Automation. I also worked on modules of ANSYS 10.0 and CATIA V5. My engineering institute offers several opportunities for student to get developed in all facets of life. I had actively participated in various workshops and seminars at the institute. I also became part of various social activities like National Service Scheme and blood donation camps.
My purpose to pursue graduate studies in Mechanical Engineering would never become complete unless I write on my research experiences during the engineering studies. I have completed six major projects during my last two years of studies under the guidance of professors of my institute. I got the first opportunity to work on research by Dr. X. who taught us Metallurgy in Second year. My name was recommended to him by head of the department for assistant in verifications of readings of his project. After completing the verification task successfully, Dr. X assigned me three major projects in the company (ABC ltd.) and guided me through all of them as he was chief of R&D department of company. Those projects gave me practical knowledge of Tube drawing, tube sinking, Tube rolling process with their tooling design accompanied by various heat treatment processes. Those Processes were simulated afterwards using Finite Element Analysis. During the project I was exposed to numerous practical problems encountered in production line and also in Simulations in ANSYS. It developed my personality and my communication skills as I have to deal with number of people in company. I presented number of papers on my projects in various national level competitions and got prizes for the same.
After going through my projects and presentations in third year, Prof. Z in our department offered me a Research Assistant position in my final year. As Research Assistant, I completed three projects including my final year project which was a part of curriculum. Projects were about application of artificial neural network in various analysis of hydrodynamic journal bearing. This experience improved my technical acumen, writing skill, overall approach and gave me a strong platform to exhibit my research potential. It also gave me chance to interact with programming of artificial neural network. I was able to learn Practical application of concepts in tribology and solve problems encountered while applying them practically. I was the only undergraduate Research Assistant in the department and institute. This gained me popularity on the campus and made me more ambitious and matured individual. Parallel with my research work I was able to keep continuous and consistent progress in my academics. This all ended in getting me the best outgoing student award of the year in 2011. I will cherish this accomplishment throughout my life and it is and will remain the golden point of my academic tenure.
My plan and ambition to pursue graduate studies from United States took a serious shape during my position of Research Assistant. During this period I came across several research papers and work published by US Universities. My guide and professors including professional from ABC ltd suggested me to think about an US University to pursue graduate studies. After consulting my Family and few other experts I started working on the procedure aspects of my ambition to get into a desired graduate school for mechanical Engineering. I know that searching an appropriate graduate school in the USA is a hard task even for US students themselves. As an international student with credentials from different university systems it becomes further difficult to choose the universities even for applications. Actually I feel that undergraduate students mainly from India are generally not sure about their research areas and interest as hardly a student works towards research during engineering years. Fortunately I have a clear idea on my interests which mainly into tribiology as I have worked on the projects during research work in the engineering college. I was thrilled to know that Mechanical engineering department of XYZ University has a research group focusing on tribology. I also happen to know about the research interests of Dr. ABC which gives __________
Finally I have come to a concluding part of my statement of purpose and my opinions about my graduate studies and the advantages your campus will offer me during my study Tenure. I request you to have a close look on my academic achievements, Research work, Paper publications and overall accomplishments during my engineering years. I will be awaiting a decision from your end on my graduate application and I will be pleased if get an opportunity to enrolled a diverse community of your campus starting from FALL 2012.
I see your SOP as an ordinary one which wouldn't be much attractive to the reader. In your essay, you have stated too much experience while lacking of enough analysis. This is also what I did in my own essay. We both need to do much polish work. Good luck!
@ Arenal - Can you be more specific, about Analysis point?
@ Dumi - Ok. I will wait until you finish all paragraphs, and then i will post modified SOP again..
As a part of the curriculum, I was involved with six research projects as a research assistant and three of these projects were with the company, ABC Ltd. . These projects helped me gain a sound practical knowledge ofonTt ube drawing, tube sinking, Tandt ube rolling process with their tooling design accompanied by various heat treatment processes. Those Processes were simulated afterwards using Finite Element Analysis.During the projectI was exposed to numerous practical problems encountered in production line and also in Simulations in ANSYS.They also helped me developedmy personality and my communication skills as I haved to deal with number of people at various levels in the company. I presented number of papers on my projects in various national level competitions and got prizes for the same.
Can you please work on last paragraph? i am unable to make it attractive..
Sorry... I couldn't keep up to my promise as I got really busy in last few days. Sorry about it...
My ambition to pursue graduate studies in the United States was formed when I came across several research papers and work published by the US Universities while I was working as a Research Assistant. Also I received blessings from my professors and my family to pursue this dream of mine.
However, selecting the most appropriate graduate school in the USA is a hard task for a student, in particular for an international student whose higher education system differs from that of the USA. Fortunately I have a clear idea onabout what my real interest areswhich mainly intoand I know that I want to further my studies in tribiology as I have worked on the projects during research work in the engineering college.I was thrilled when I came to know that Mechanical engineering department of XYZ University has a research group focusing on tribologyfocussed tribology. Therefore I believe XYZ is the place that can provide me with an ideal platform to develop my professional careerI also happen to know about the research interests of Dr. ABC which gives __________
I re-did your last para 'cause I feel the SOP needs a catchy end which should be not very lengthy. Just have a look ....
Having the right mindset and a strong will and committement to excell in my field, I am confident of taking up any challenge in order to pursue my professional ambition. And I find that XYZ is the perfect fit for my aspirations that would help me elevate my position as a professional.
Thank you very much for your consideration
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR APPLICATION!!!
